I don't need to know everything,
Sometimes it's best to let things be.
When I look in my mirror,
I don't like what I see.
A coward is looking back at me,
Who proclaimed to be so strong.
But I buckled under the pressure,
And proved myself quite wrong.
And all the explanations,
Well they matter none at all,
You placed me on that pedestal,
Just to watch me fall.

Just a little note to tell you,
A little about my day,
Work was long, I saw your mail,
And the sky was grey.
After work I went and met,
With my daughter at the mall,
And no she is not coming home,
And doesn't miss me ...not at all.
I see your orange little blinking light,
At the bottom of my screen,
But I don't feel like talking right now,
I'm not trying to be mean.
I must go to the attorney's office,
Very early in the morn,
I'm really just a walking zombie,
Who is torn..so very torn.
I cried in the rain this evening,
And no one even knew,
I wonder what you did today,
Was it raining there too?
I know that you are reading,
Everything I write,
And somehow I feel a little better,
A little bit more "right."
I have grieved a lot of loss,
Over the past few years,
Tear-free then, but crying now,
A lifetime's pent up tears.
You've always had all the answers,
So please, can you tell me, my friend,
Just when will the weights be lifted,
When will my confusion end?

Please do not convict me,
Of a crime I've not yet done.
Just because I pondered retreat,
Doesn't mean that fear has won.

Every time a war is waged,
Within myself, I try,
To view the battlefield from afar,
With every slant of eye.

And strategically position myself,
To see every point of view.
And then do some recognizance,
Before deciding what to do.

Please do not convict me,
Of a crime I've not yet done.
Just because I pondered retreat,
Doesn't mean that fear has won.

I see you there in the shadows,
Behind the curtain where you stand,
You left the play at intermission,
And the show can not go on as planned.
Is it cold there in the shadows too?
Because I'm freezing in the light?
I don't feel myself without you here,
Nothing feels quite right.
I can't take the stage without you, friend,
You said you would hold my hand.
And despite you telling me why you left,
I still don't understand.

A sign of true nobility, they say,
Is to exit premature.
Denying the host the privelege of,
Showing you the door.
Scrutiny upon your leaving,
You're regarded a bit obscure,
But did she really want you to go,
And tell me are you quite sure?

Just what exactly is being sacrificed here,
And tell me just how long the pain will last.
How unfair it is that I must choose to hurt,
And leave someone very special in the past.

Good vs. Great, what an evil salvation,
****** upon me without an invite.
What a weight to carry, a choice to make,
Between.." maybe right" and "maybe right."

There is a freedom which comes with choice,
But also a prisoners' wage is paid.
As you lock yourself in just as you escape,
With every single choice that is made.

I'm waiting for you in a field of green,
On a blanket spread out so smooth.
Positioned underneath a lone oak tree,
Patiently, and not wanting to move.

From my vantage point, on this hill,
I can spot you heading my way.
My hearts does a quick little flutter,
And I wonder just what we will say.

Hi, my friend, so glad to meet you!
In person after all these years.
We hug for what seems likes days,
And our eyes fill up with tears.

And my chest feels as if it may burst,
And my throat is getting so dry.
And I realize it was as real as I hoped,
And now all is as clear as the sky.

And now we sit upon this blanket,
And all we can do is stare.
Everything else just passes away,
With this new love we share.

There is comfort in your arms,
A "rightness" with you and me.
I know that when we meet for real,
This is exactly how it will be.

Nothing feels quite normal.
Nothing feels quite right.
Nothing seems to stick around.
Nothing seems so bright.

Everything feels muddled.
Everything feels so cold.
Everything seems so altered.
Everything seems to fold.

It seems to me that if could,
Easily transpose,
Everything and nothing,
This would be a nicer prose.

Maybe the question you are asking,
Should not be directed toward me.
Maybe the answer you are seeking,
Is right there but you just can't see.

Maybe I slipped right off that pedestal.
Truth is... I jumped of my own accord.
What were you thinking, placing me there?
Tell me... didn't you hear a single  word?

You know a whole lot about me,
That which I am and chose to share.
Yet still you regard me as "special,"
As someone for who you truly care.

Lessons are sometimes rarely learned,
And mistakes? often repeated in vain.
You have jeopardized all that is you,
"Now stop it! And don't do it again!"

I remember when I was a young girl, lying on my bed, with the oversized pink comforter, and reading.

Reading romance novels.

Novels that always began with a girl, to which I immediately identified myself, who was alone.

And out of nowhere, this mysterious, incredibly masculine, charming, and great looking man, would sweep into her life, and she would fall in love.

Most times she would not admit it, but rather, play hard to get, and misperceive some action of his in the wrong way and think him a pig, but still love him anyhow.

They ALWAYS ended , however, with everything working out and them both professing this larger than life love for each other, and THE END.

Ok so now I am all grown up... and life hasn't even slightly resembled any one of the novels I read.

And I guess after all this time it is easier not to believe....I mean after all...they were all fiction.

Where is the non-fiction romance section at the bookstore?...oh I know there isn't one.

Shame on all these authors for disillusioning me and so many other young girls.

And somewhere in my sick little mind...I am still searching for it...and think that quite possibly I may have found it...there is only one problem...my courage has been wore down after all these years and I fail to act.

Can I write a book about that?

Could we disappear just you and I?
Or make the whole world go away?
Like a magnet I am so drawn to you.
I don't know why I feel this way.

All I know is your in my head,
At any given time of day.
And I love having you there,
And I just want to say...

You have so impressed me,
With everything that's you.
And I easily let you see inside,
Like I usually never do.

It really doesn't matter,
That I can't touch your face.
You are here, right beside me,
As I sit in my favorite place.

And if God be willing,
And Lady Luck is fair,
One day I'll cross the distance,
And you'll be {waiting, sitting} there.

I could really use a hug,
From a very special friend.
Given without pretense,
And no need to pretend.

I could look him in the eye,
And say without any shame,
I feel as if life has beaten me,
And I'm the only one to blame.

I could tell him I messed up.
Mistakes? I"ve made a few.
He wouldn't even blink at all.
He would know just what to do.

He would just keep hugging me,
And he wouldn't let me go.
He'd try to bear my grief with me,
Because he loves me so.

I could really use a hug,
From a very special friend.
Given without pretense,
And no need to pretend.

Bring it on!
I am ready!
For whatever comes my way!
I can't afford to give up now!
Today was just a day!

What next?
Sure, I'll take it!
Nothing will keep me down!
I have been through so much worse!
And I simply refuse to frown!

More trouble?
I can handle it!
For I am weak no more!
I will just take it all in stride!
And be stronger than before!

Adversity?
Yes, I know him!
In fact we've become great friends!
Without him, life would be boring!
So I'm just gonna enjoy it.....................til it ends!

The first winged utterance,
Beckons me awake.
Full cacophony follows,
And the night does break.

The smell of stillness lifted.
Mobile creatures stir.
Fading in of embers.
Distance swathed in blur.

Futile night retreateth.
Welcomed warmth ensues.
Filtered by a newborn breeze,
Cooling mornings' dews.

The reluctant mist...it rises.
Hastily...oh so slow.
Lingering in the moment,
As if sad the last did go.

And, oh!, to hold an hourglass,
To halt the marching hour.
And take note of every miracle,
Unfolding in its' power.

I guess I will allow myself,
Just a little while,
A little time to cry alone
Before painting on a smile.

I failed today and failed not just me,
I failed another.
Maybe I was just not meant to be,
Anybody's mother.

I tried so hard to keep it all together,
But I just couldn't do it.
I tried to make everything look ok,
But everyone saw through it.

And I will take the full blame on me,
For the way things are right now.
May I just give up this hopeless fight,
Or would I be failing again somehow?

I wish I could somehow start over again,
At a time when things were still bright.
But that is just so not possible,
There is no way to make it right.

So what becomes of a tired soul,
Who is even undeserving of rest?
Failure is failure no matter what,
It doesn't matter if you did your best.

Today I think I'll pull the shades,
Turn the a/c down real low,
Make myself some kettle corn,
And watch a classic show.
Turn off all the phone lines,
Lock the doors real tight.
I think that's what I'll do today,
I think that I just might.

Maybe there is no reason,
Maybe there is no rhyme,
Maybe our only purpose,
Is to pass away with time.

Could I be a monster?
Cold blood flowing blue.
Heartache lying in my wake,
Monsters need love too!

In my little coffee shop,
Is where I long to be,
Filled with old and dusty books,
In the hills of Tennessee.

Every morning the same will come,
With a little gossip to share.
And hang out in my lil' coffee shop,
Where time isn't even a care.

I hope there will be some who read,
And some who play some games.
And it won't be very long 'til I,
Know every single one of their names.

And they will feel like family,
The shop will feel like home,
And I will have found where I belong,
With no need more to roam.

In my little coffee shop,
Is where I long to be,
Filled with old and dusty books,
In the hills of Tennessee.

The day greeted me with a sharp vision,
Piercing me from in between,
The mingled branches by my window,
With aim, so markedly keen.

And it beckoned me to that window,
To behold the drops of dew,
Like diamonds, sparkling everywhere,
No matter what the view.

And at once I wanted a wider scope,
And ventured out the door.
And I saw my familiar surroundings,
In a way I not had before.

My breath must have escaped me,
And yet I was just unaware,
Til my lungs filled again so fully; quickly
And I was renewed right there.

I soaked in all of the elegance,
Until the moment had passed.
Taking mental snapshots, aware
Such beauty would not last.

Tonight I felt completion,
Such as at the ending of a show,
Of which all along I was unsure,
About where the plot would go.

And happily I was surprised,
Of the open- ending leave,
With a promise of a sequel,
Which will be even better...I believe!

One day I will find it
It will only feel right
It will be unshaken
Strife and trial despite
Without any question
Without any doubt
One day I will find it
For now I live without

I like you.
You like me.
How much simpler could it be?
Just let yourself go,
Let all of you show,
I know I'm gonna love what I see.

born contrary to common man
turned internal forevermore
no deviation from the stoics plan
each day is the same as before
no highs no lows ever shone
temperate consistent with mean
mind is numb body is drone
no hint joy has ever been seen
also no sadness just infinite plain
thoughts discussed only inside
no elation and yet no pain
nothing to show hence nothing to hide
surrounded by unaltering vision
sight is flat and color free
precise with no need of precision
only methodical rigidity
hope knows not of what to entreat
soul knows not of what to contain
already within no place to retreat
removed disconnected insane

If I were extended the offer, if even today,
I would accept deaths' invite quick.
I 'd rather be destructed without any delay,
Than be disassembled brick by brick.

Single life at times can be,
Very lonely, it is true.
But let's just take a closer look,
In a slightly different hue.

Cooking ..it is optional.
The laundry...it can wait.
You can go to bed early,
Or stay up way too late.

You can choose just to sit,
Naked or in underwear,
And not worry about modesty,
Cause no one else is there.

You can wake up and decide,
To be carefree and roam,
Take a nice long road trip,
And maybe not come home.

You can use the silence,
To write lots of poetry,
And flirt on the internet,
With another, hassle-free.

Also no need to shut the door,
To the bathroom while you ***,
So now can you see the upside,
Of being single...just like me.

The crimson garment has fallen away,
Revealing a cover that's white and sheer.
A simpleness replacing undeserved shame,
A rebirth replacing muddled with clear.

Affected no more by past regrets,
Obscurity abounds no more,
Transformation of wayward self,
Into a soul, authentic and pure.

I have seen pictures of beautiful places,
They are just a taste.
Reminding me of how little I've done.
Is my life a waste?

I want to see the geysers,
In Yellowstone National Park.
And walk along the Eastern Shore,
With you after it gets dark.

And I know there is a snowboard,
That somewhere bears my name,
And I have always wanted to go,
To an NFL football game.

I hear that Ireland is beautiful,
What a sight to see.
And I know there is a rustic place.
Where I can write poetry.

I would like to go see Mardi Gras,
And maybe earn a bead or two.
Listen to a great acoustic band,
And sing a line or two.

Hop aboard an airplane
Grab the window seat.
Just drive to a distant city,
To see just who I'd meet.

Swim naked in the ocean,
Surf my way back in.
Make love really crazily,
And then do it again.

Fall in love with the right one,
Find a true soul-mate,
I wish I could do it all right now,
I don't want to wait.

My head always seems to tell me one thing,
While my heart  takes the other extreme.
My heart says," This is possible,"
My head says, "It's  a dream."

Why do we hold so tightly,
To a dying heart?
And to the living oft ignore;
Stay so far apart?
Little time has been granted,
I will waste it not.
Tomorrow is but uncertain,
Past is now forgot.
And I just will not censor,
I will just be free.
And do whatever I so desire;
Because today belongs to me.

Trouble can take a stable man,
And make him go quite mad.
Uncertain just why she visited,
Make him wish she never had.

But there is no stopping Trouble.
She waits around every bend.
But once you do get used to her,
You may just call her "friend."

And yes, she may bring chaos,
As Trouble's been known to do,
But there's no avoiding it once,
Trouble's taken a liking to you.

And there is no need to worry,
Please do not worry at all.
Trouble needs your number,
To make an international call.

A new life granted
Glad to be starting over
Better days await
A totally free spirit
No longer so appeasing

Oh my sweet, sweet gentleman,
Who has taught me how to love.
I decided I will run away with you,
And share the stars above.

I thought so very long and hard,
Of the decision I should make.
And realized if I went to Sussex,
It would be a huge mistake.

So I waited until after dusk,
And packed a few small things.
And then I planned that I would leave,
When I heard the church bell rings.

And when they did I tiptoed,
Down the corridor and to the street.
Where there stood my trusted friend,
Who had arranged with me to meet.

We traveled East to the harbor,
The steamer was not hard to miss.
And anxiously I hurried along,
To greet you with a kiss.

Conspicuously I wandered about,
Until I found cabin two- eleven.
And then I pushed the door open a bit,
To steal a sight of heaven.

Instead I saw you lying there,
With a maiden much less fair,
I sauntered up, spit in your face,
And left your sorry *** there!

Where's the steamer headed, love,
To a land I do not know?
Will the faces of my loved ones be there,
I'm not sure that I should go.

You see this man in Sussex,
Is a good man so I'm told,
And I believe he'll take care of me,
When I grow gray and old.

And true I do not feel the same,
About him as I do you,
If I step into that harbor, love,
I'll lose the life I knew.

Do you think that what we feel,
Might fade ...as passion can, you know.
Or will our love last a lifetime,
Can you guarantee me it will grow?

You see, I'm not the type of girl,
Who gives into affairs of the heart.
I can not board your steamer, love,
To Sussex...I'll carry your heart.

I know once you have heard this,
Your love will seem a lie.
And it hurts me very deeply, love,
But I must say goodbye.

If all the feelings within my heart,
Did not have be channeled through,
My brain before I could share them,
They would make more sense to you.

Would life be that much better,
If we did not feel pain?
Would we even name the sunshine,
If we knew no rain?

Would life be that much better?
If tears just never fell?
Would we even look toward heaven,
Without ever knowing hell?

I guess I should have taken time,
To feel the pain I earned.
Instead I just sent it all away,
And today it all returned.

How could you have chosen,
A mask over a smile,
Can you remember our sons' face?
I know its' been a while.

You traded love for debauchery,
Was it worth so little to you?
We must have made a million memories,
But I can only recall a few.

And part of me is so angry,
That you threw it all away.
Another part just feels pity,
Your life turned out this way.

There is no time for regretting,
I must keep myself on track.
So I'll send this pain away again,
And pray it won't come back.

I cleaned out my closet,
Earlier today,
And with very little thought,
Threw most everything away.

But I found a few lost feelings,
On the top shelf, in a stack,
A pile of old photographs,
Of times I can't get back.

And tears I had already cried,
Returned to me again.
And I foolishly wished things could be,
The way they were back then.

But there is no chance of that,
I shouldn't dwell on it anymore.
You are not the same person at all,
The person I loved before.

Ok, here is what you asked for.
For me to speak my mind.
And just say exactly what I feel,
Careless words... they come to mind.

I think of you when I open eyes,
And before I go to bed,
In fact I think of you every moment,
You're always in my head.

I'd neglect everything around me,
For the chance to share with you.
Yet I seem to have another who loves me,
And I don't know what to do.

I am now faced with a lot of decisions,
And how will I ever choose.
I want to follow this feeling recklessly,
But pride is so hard to lose.

But I am so tired from holding it back,
So I'm just going to share it all.
I believe you could be the one for me,
Happily ever after..... after all?

There is a man in Sussex,
To whom I will belong.
I have never even met him,
And now it feels so wrong.

And as I stand in the city square,
Searching the crowds for you,
I feel my heart may just stop beating,
For there's nothing I can do.

Promises were made and I was given,
With a nod and firm handshake.
And before I had known you, my love,
I never knew my heart could break.

Part of me wants to risk it all,
Security and even name,
But I just can't disgrace my family
And impress them with that shame.

So let's just spend a day in the park,
And secretly pretend,
That we will always be together,
And this will never end.

Let's discreetly turn the corner,
To that alley on the right,
And kiss with all the longing,
And hold each other tight.

Let me smell the scent of you,
and let me breathe you in.
So I can save that memory,
And bring you back again.

In less than just a fortnight,
My stay here will be ending,
And I will begin my new life,
My life of just pretending.