She breathes against my neck. It's a slideshow of sounds growing and falling around me. I don't know where it's coming from. Her skin slides against mine like we are a piece of machinery, working towards the same goal. Keep moving, keep moaning. Her hips bucking and my hand over her mouth to keep anyone from hearing us-- from entering our world. The wind is knocking at the window, trying to throw us off. I grab her chin with my hand as the other grabs at anything it can reach. Her eyes are blurry. They have a hard time focusing on mine. Are you scared, baby? I'll go slower. I torture her. Make sure she's paying full attention. Make sure she's losing her mind. Her body makes waves against mine. We lose ourselves to each other and the wind keeps trying to get inside.

we held hands
in your car
and walking down the street
you kissed me in front of the train
while the people watched and (my sweet ******* darling)
we
didn’t
care

You looked at me with interest
something new
you are old
wiser art
wandering soul
teach me
I can be your school girl
I know it’s what you want
(secrets shared at 5 am)

You looked at me as if I was something fascinating
silly interest
writing poetry
smoking your cigarettes
inhaling the darkness
of our combined souls
and my purple neck

Quizzically
as if I were some challenge
how to please me
how to make your mark
please make your mark
on my body
but be careful of
my soul

Deeply disturbed
longing
we are alike
too much pain behind those
light brown eyes
and you look at me and joke about love
when I worry about commitment.

You looked at me with interest
and I wonder
how long I can keep up
this ruse.

I never eat when I'm interested in someone new.
Need to impress them.
I'm a doll!
See no imperfections.
I have none.
Until I do.
Have to keep this façade
until you find them
and don't want me
anymore.

I don't need food.
I'm losing weight.
You'll see.
Please keep me on your shelf.
And you'll see no more of me.
There will be nothing left.
And I will be happy.
And I will be dead.

For once I am not afraid.
Of failing
not being good enough
because I am.
I am good (enough)

I push (you) back
and pin you down
and bruise your neck and *******.
I am not afraid
because you don't
judge me

I am comfortable.
You pay attention.

Heavy hearted
Lift me from the depths
Of my mind
Of the darkness
Thanking you
For
Pulling me up.

Heavy body
Flopping and
Trying to make my way
Up the stream
Against the current
Thanking you
For pushing me forward
Despite.
Despite.

Heavy eyes
Darkened
Barely see
Fighting against
The deafening sunlight
The cheering voices
Too bright for my light irises
Thanking you
For seeing me.

Heavy voice
Leaden with doubt
And worry
Struggling to speak out
Speak up
Be free
Thanking you
For calling and
Fighting.

Heavy smile
Can’t hold itself up
And falls
Underneath the pressure
To be perfect
Turns to a frown
Thanking you
For turning it upside down.

Slow sleepy raindrops drip on my head
they form a little puddle then slide languidly down each strand of hair
it is a slow process
drowning