There is a quiet defeat within me
whenever I accept one of your apologies.

Water slipping through weak fingers
running past the digits
so fleeting
so quick
one minute,
everything,
all you've ever wanted--
gone.

Pitied for the loneliness,
yet humbled for being alone--
understanding the opposition
and embracing it's relevance.

Defeated yet thrilled
miserable yet marveling at the misery
indulgent in the depression
milking the sorrow
enjoying the open wounds
slowly learning to accept defeat.

Stinging *** and bright eyes,
Innocent yet absolutely not.
Hair bows and bruised thighs,
The thrill of being caught.

Lips bitten and achy jaw,
Naughty and nice perfectly formed.
Tracing ice until it thaws,
Dripping wax so I can burn.

I can't resist--
Just one last kiss.
Whisper slowly,
That I'll be missed.

Your hand stings and you throb,
And you pulse, and want more while I sob.

Pain is my plea
And you are all too giving.
Hands still stinging,
Ears ringing.

I lie at your feet
Nuzzling kisses-- I'm content.
You caught your prey
That malicious smile
Seeing I'm spent.

You call me ****
And I want to be nothing but.

Low fat love
Sugar free passion
Tricks my brain
Into thinking we actually had something

I know I'll be back, cause there's no other choice, I know I was a fool to let you go,
I was a fool to think that I could sleep a wink on this empty bed by myself.

I poured wax onto my thighs today-

I missed the ways you used to hurt me.