seasons change
people grow
i crave summer heat
and dread the winter snow
it all goes by so fast
quicker than you’ll ever know
but what haunts me the most,
i saw you come
and watched you go.

- d.berry

i am a writer
i am an artist
i am a lover
i am my mother’s
daughter with my
father’s eyes
i am a survivor
i am a fighter
with scarred fists
i am gentle
i am caring
i am selfless
but beware
i am not naive
nor gullible
nor small
for i will pull the sun
down
with bare hands
and i will not let
anyone
take it from me.

- d.berry

a secret most long to hear.
a secret some hold in fear.
a secret i keep from you.
a secret i hope you
can't see through.

you might run, say it's too soon.
when will i tell you, some special,
sunday afternoon?

i may wait six months,
i will wait to confront.
but with all this, one thing is true . . .

i hope you love me, too.

- d.berry

it’s hard to believe
just a few seconds of your life
could lead you in a different direction.
whatever it is has the ability
to affect how you think,
alter your lifestyle..
you look in the mirror and are unfamiliar
with the person taking the place
of your reflection.

from the moment
his hand landed on my thigh,
my life forever changed.
like everything i knew up
until that point had been deleted,
suddenly rearranged.

not a single minute will be forgotten
from that dreadful day.
however within this poem
i will try my best to convey.

words cannot begin to describe
the person i thought i knew.
but my goal is to express
the horror i once went through.

i was gestured to an opened door
which led to a dark basement,
filled with strong smells of laundry soap.
looking down to check my phone,
i told myself i’d be home by 10:30,
or i would hope.

hesitantly
i continued down the carpeted stairwell.
the house was quiet, unusually still.
it seemed as though not a soul would dwell.

if i’d any clue what was bound to happen,
i would’ve planned a great escape.
but little did i know a part of me
would be robbed that night...
little did i know
this was my fate.

all was well at first,
until the silence broke.
“if you want me to bring you home,
you have to do me a favor”,
were the last words he spoke.

my eyes filled with confusion,
and his filled with lust.
i felt helpless,
knowing my purity was being stolen,
with each and every ******.

i stiffened
every muscle in my body,
attempting to keep the warm drops of water
from stumbling down my face.
it took everything in me
to not meet dark, soulless eyes
and shoot him a firm look of disgrace.

his hands were hot and clammy,
his heavyset athletic built
leaning over me.
his pupils were wide and alert,
but not attentive enough to hear my plea.

face pushed
into an old and dusty couch,
neck cuffed roughly by the hand of my
predator.
in my view was a wendy’s cup
filled with sprite
sitting on a stool at room
temperature.

the longer he was in me,
the more i felt my body had been injected
with filth and dirt.
i was too late to realize his intention was deliberate,
it was now clear and overt.

i found slight humor
in the fact that a **** bag
is all he’d ever be.
the only thing he seemed to accomplish
in his life,
was doing me.

tears of sweat
from his forehead gleamed down at me
like a desert sun.
i prayed for an interruption whether it be a knock, a phone call-
but there was none.

the room was humid and heavy,
the odor of refusal and neglect mixed
into the oxygen we breathed.
while I was left in utter devastation,
he pulled out rather pleased.

in fast motion,
i grabbed my clothes and stood
in the corner waiting for him
to get finish getting dressed.
i looked around to distract myself,
for the past half hour
didn’t leave me anything
but distressed.

but the joke was on me,
he headed back to the couch,
not a single hint of sympathy
on his face in sight.
the glance he gave me made it evident.
he had lied to me.
he had planned to keep me
overnight.

from midnight to dawn i was a puppet;
nothing to him but a shiny, new toy.
being held captive
by a person whose name is now
sickens you,
could never be an experience you enjoy.

it is because of him
every night fail to fall asleep.
laying up in bed.
thinking of how my innocence
is no longer mine to keep.

what others imagine in their worst possible nightmare,
is my gruesome reality
that cannot be undone nor repaired.

i have the sweetest smile,
that beams between my nose and chin.
but it is only me, myself and i
who know the truth about
his deep secrets within.

i have the most humblest eyes,
that have witnessed more than they should. though nothing changes,
i have cried more delicate tears
than anyone ever could.

i have the kindest heart,
sooner or later i learned that it came
with a cost.
this kind heart has felt
the worst of pains and experienced
the greatest loss.

dark days are necessary,
just as important as the rest.
for if we didn’t have the worst,
we couldn’t recognize the best.

- d.berry

ever since i’ve met you, you have been the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
at this point, i’m at a loss of words because i knew i should have let you go a long time ago.
but I didn’t.
so the longer i keep holding on, the more pain i cause myself.
i just can’t stop latching onto the words you’ve once said to me...
“next time you start being a stranger, don’t expect me to let you back in.”
the thing is, i don’t want to lose you. i don’t want to grow up without having my best friend by my side.
but that’s what it’s looking like.
i don’t know where we went wrong. i can’t even keep track of the events in order.
all i know is loving you was the biggest mistake i could have ever done.
but i don’t regret it.
half of me is saddened from reminiscing, and the other is just numb.
knowing that i don’t need you, that you don’t deserve me. you never did.
even from the beginning, i would beat myself up over that fact that i wasn’t ready for commitment. for you.
but only to find out that once i had matured, my love for you could become the most powerful thing about me.
my thoughts remain a wandering bundle of mess which takes up most of the space in my brain.
the tears i cry are no longer salty, but bitter.
and even so, i catch myself turning to the side to let free only two drops of water from my ducts.
i do not deny it, i still look for you.
in crowds, on social media…
wishing, hoping, praying that you would realize that you couldn’t live without me.
but you can.
and you are.
you have been ever since november. why did you do this to me? why me?
i gave you more than i ever thought i could give another human being.
did what we have mean nothing to you?
you lied to me, you took advantage of me, you humiliated me.
you destroyed me.
and it is because of this, that i can no longer associate with you. i never wanted to accept it,
but you are a monster.
you are my enemy, my worst nightmare.
i’m afraid to have you in my life just as much as i am afraid to have you out of it.

- d.berry

being in love is a wonderful thing. although is isn’t always what we are expecting, we soon discover it is something we so desperately cannot live without. love comes in a variety of forms. will you be able to identify it, when it makes it way to you?

there happens to be the “butterfly effect”, which i like to think is the most common. this love gives you the feeling of sitting in a cart 300 feet off the ground. when it suddenly hits you, there you are swept away going a high number of miles per hour with adrenaline running all through your veins. you are completely and utterly terrified, for you have no idea what’s around that sharp corner but getting off is the last thing you want to do.

next there’s a “fire” love. a heavy feeling of strong desire which you never thought you could possess. you yearn for their every touch, move, and presence. you do not wake nor go to sleep without them being in your very thoughts. you seem to feel rather possessive over the person your heart simply cannot break away from

then comes the “unknown” kind of love. it is not spoken about very often, for reasons of shame or perhaps embarrassment but it seems to hit almost every human being at some point of their life. the “unknown” holds more of mystery and confusion. you live each day in uncertainty, pondering over what “could’ve been”. blatant fear holds you back from the one thing you want most in this wicked world. though your pessimism and doubt only get you so far, you have not the ability to let go and move on. so what is it that you do? you remain stuck. your heart trapped. you convince yourself that this is your life. living in questioning, admiring from afar, as you watch the person you love, love someone else.

- d.berry

the soles of his feet were the foundation of a greek god physique. his legs were lengthened; muscular, beyond well-defined. his ivory teeth all set where they should be like the stars in the sky aligned.
his ***** defined his virility. my heart gasped to catch its breath as i gripped his manhood. already i could tell he was trouble. yet, little did i know, he was surprisingly humble.
the sculpted 8-pack hidden underneath every shirt, that hung loosely from broadened shoulders, was the symbol of masculinity. without him there’d be no existence of my femininity.
he had a thing for wanting to become one of the “bigger guys”. you know, with the pulsating veins and the bulging eyes. his determination had never ceased. maybe not in body, but in the heart he was a beast.
in my eyes he was adam. perfectly molded from dirt by the hands of God, you see. there was no need to change anything about him, especially the unconditional love he continued to grow for me.
those slender fingers never failed me in times of comfort. wherever they had laid upon my body, a sudden feeling of importance came rushing to me. he made it known, i was his one and only priority.
unlike the man known as “father” who left me shattered. i was a glass vase that slipped from clumsy, oiled fingertips, pieces scattered. “why didn’t he want me?” the amount of times i’ve asked myself this question couldn’t be measured. but you know what they say, “one man's trash is another man’s treasure.”
this new human being removed all of my pain, regret, frustration and spite the moment his eyes locked on mine that one night. and that’s all it ever took. then after a gentle kiss on the front of my hand, and a promise that i’d never feel abandoned again. i was shook.
the feeling of countless monarch wings fluttering in the pit of my stomach, was all the proof I needed to know he was real. with every beat of his heart, all doubts were killed.
for he yearned for longevity. he fought for peace. he lived for happiness. he prayed for love's keep. his neck held the scent of his ebony skin. the exotic collision of lingered cologne and sweat from practice filled my nostrils and made me think thoughts of sin.
lips, full and pink indicated ****** needs and ****** desires. he’d brush them against mine not knowing it was only adding fuel to the fire. a slight touch behind the ear allowed my brain to send goosebumps running all down to my feet. a stream flown from my womanhood when his hand and my inner thigh would meet. the words “don’t stop” flew from my lips without hesitation. there was a rising from his pants from the thought of pleasurably *******.
languages from different parts of the world rested on the tip of his tongue. they slipped from his lips like a slow sax piece echoing in a bayou. it was something about his range, his tone, his enunciation that had the power to do something to you.
a feature that had always stood out- his nose, boldly displayed the ethnic background from which he came. his ancestors were traced back to their original roots in Africa, the culture was obvious from his last name.
his ears possessed the will to listen to problems, thoughts and even opinions of others before his own. although i knew him well enough to know he’d only release his emotions when alone. somehow he knew when to say more or less, or if being a listener in silence was for the best.
his brain held as the control center for intellect and psychological being. if you weren’t sure of something, he was the one to go to for meaning.
he had owned a mind i had never come across in my eighteen years of life. the day he met me, he’d told me he had found his wife. his dark skin was the protection of many layers, each one a step closer to his soul. is it bad that when i’m not in his presence, i don’t feel whole?
glimmering in the sunlight was his deepened melanin, smooth as the petals of a rose. it was him, the man i chose. and he chose i.
until it was time my temporary lover and i had to say goodbye.

- d.berry