You present clear skies
That upon closer observation
Are riddled with fog and clouds
This static that occurs
Little jolts deep in my guts
It's my fault
The skies were clear after all

The sun shines
And the days are warm
When you smile at me and laugh
Everything is going well

How many times will it take
For me to learn that it never lasts?
That the gust of guilt and shame
As the winds stir up again
Will always return?

How many times will I ignore
The cool changes
The subtle remarks
That wear away the deepest parts of myself?

Each time I realise
The clouds in my mind are yours
I will push back
I will get stronger
I won't be blown around again.

Imagine waking up one day
And slowly realising
That things you thought were 'normal'
Are not what they seemed.

I feel the soil crumbling beneath my feet.
I grab onto a root to steady myself
But that begins to slip between my fingers

My sense of self worth
Is defined by what is normal
And what is expected.
When I don't achieve this consistently,
I fall apart.

I grab onto a branch.
The bark is scraping my hands,
Tearing at my skin
While I try to hold myself steady.

I have always felt I was broken.
Strange.
A monster.
I thought this was normal.

My hands are torn
My muscles are burning
As my feet fail to find purchase.

I can't hold on any more,
I can't be who I should be
Who I want to be
Anymore.

Maybe it's time
To let go
And embrace myself.
I'm not broken,
Or a failure.
I'm just different
I'm enough.

I loosen the branches
My tightly held beliefs
Softened and soothed.
I untangle the roots
My shame, my past
No longer holding me back.
I take a breathe, and
I let go.

Weightless,
For a moment
I fall.

My hope and dreams
Stretch and unfurl.
I glide.

And finally,
My heart filled
With warmth
And love,
I soar.