do not stop at one-ten pounds-
drop down to eighty

do not stop with the first cut vein-
slice until your heart stops

do not stop with one gram-
shoot two more into your veins

do not stop with the noose-
jump with it around your neck

your words do not stop hurting-
i am trying to finish the job

How many years will I be stuck
With this feeling like you're the only one
I'm left with pictures and memories
And you've left for school
And while you'll have a future
I'll wish my future was you
                 I brushed it off as being a kid
                 Love is infatuation instead
I'd like to think I know better now
Like feelings are real if you think they are
Almost like nobody can fill the void
I'm too young but too tired to try
I always have that phone in my hand
I could call you if I had the nerve again
                 But I've lost the idea that I had
                 I know that I don't stand a chance
I can't find out how to move on
And the more I try, I feel worse
But holding on feels so pathetic
Childish, immature and destructive
Something pulls at me inside
The longer I wait to fight this off
                 It's almost like I want this
                 You fill a void without taking part
How many years could I be stuck
With this feeling like you're the only one
Because it feels better to think that I've found you
Than having to continue to look
This attachment bears so many issues
Yet, it somehow just makes me whole

It's two in the morning
and I'm lying in bed,
listening to the blues
and smoking.
You light up my phone:
"God, we could've been great."

The guitar weeps
and sings me ballads
of lovers lost.

With each exhale,
I hope to rid my system of you.

I just want it to be over
I want you out of my life
Out of my mind
Out of my heart

So many lies have happened because of you
So much trust has been broken because of you
I have been broken because of you
But I have to be honest
I am part of the problem too
I let this happen
For too long
It was too long
I kept it going
Thinking your ambitions would change
Thinking you would love me
Not my body
I was wrong
So very wrong
I gave you what you wanted because I thought it would fix things
I wish this never happened
I wish I listened to everyone
And now
I get to face the consequences
So thank you
For ******* up my life even more

I just want it to be over
I. Want. It. To. Be. Over.
I'm scared
So scared
But it's my fault
So do I have a right to be scared?
I should
But I guess I can't
I let it go on
But it's done now
So
Please...

Just be over

Everything is getting so bad.
I am getting so bad.
It really is and I really am.
I have no motovation.
I just can't do anything.
I binge and I purge.
I'm using a cold blade to make myself burn with scars.
Again.
There is no home for me.
I sleep all day.
I've missed a dangerous amount of classes.
I need a job.
I have yet to process
Major things that are happening.
**** has been continuously hitting the fan
For seven years and
I just can't make it stop
And I can't catch a breath,
And the flashbacks are awful.
I just wrecked my thighs.
I don't want to burden anybody.
I know all I do is complain.
But it is literally me screaming for help.
And no one is helping me.
I'm up to my neck in my own mental disorders.
I'm drowning.
I really ******* am.
I walk around late night hope I'll get killed,
I stare at 163 sleeping pills every night.
I'm all late night binging and purging.
This is the ******* life.
I carry a toothbrush in my purse
And tell people I'm just obsessed with my tooth health.
I smoke to hide the smell of *****.
I'm drowning.
I'm desperate.
I'm drowning.
Why are strangers offering more help
Than the people in real life that I'm begging.
I'm an adult now.
It's no longer the fault
Of the people who raised me.
I have waited for this day to come.
The day where all of the sudden
The blame shifts to you.
I'm still drowning.
I'm dying.
I'm drowning.
I know I should stop cryjng for help
And just get it myself.
But I used up all my strength
I really did.
And I will be perfectly fine
With just dying.
I really would be.
I'm drowning anyway.
Might as well make it literal.