"sit on my lap, grind on me, let me kiss your neck"
"i think maybe we could make each other happy"
"how much"
"you aint a car ** ma, i wanna lay you down in a bed"
"with your hands on me, im more than okay"
"i could write poems about you. i won't, but i could"
"i miss my delicious little girl"
"how much"
"i have pills for you baby"
"this is my first ****** in front of someone"
"i dont love you but i wish i did. i wish i did."
"you taste like raspberries and im starving"
"how much"
"how much"
"how much"

with nails scratching deep beneath the skin,
i wonder if a dermatologist could fix damage this deep,
what if the blood never stops running?
i am going dry,
dry with empty lungs and nostrils filled white
and red
all of it turns red, around, breathing
exhaling, a fake apology

she calls it quits,
and i blame myself
blame myself
blame myself
and lose track of rhyme schemes
and syllables
until all i hear is me screaming no
and them painting blame over my face
"it's your fault, yours"

this is what it takes
to say "it's all okay"
a needle here, and a pill there
this is what it takes
to breathe
your love, your kiss
penetrating past the willow trees
deeper than the purple dashes

dark clouds don't go away
they just move
but when i see your face,
i don't want to leave this place
behind
i want to jump into it
with everything
into every city
that your smile
could light up

silver tears, tears, tears
and red shows, shows, shows
and the pink never comes
and black drenches
and yellow cries (fake)
grey brightens
and your eyes, green,
keep me alive

i counted them out
but there weren't enough
reasons to take more,
more like the number of
metaphors in that line

lightning bolts don't hurt
when you're paralyzed

we take up space
and fill our lungs
with water, like
children, choking,
under gravity

when we walked
to the edge
did we plan
on sinking?
or swimming?

interstellar plans
took us far from home
but in the end,
i think this is where
we always belonged

i bet even after all this time
that if my chest were to
ache with emptiness enough
like it used to i could go to your house
and find the outline of our bodies
on your dark blue bed sheets
i have spent the last year
both trying to run from you
and find you at the same time
but i left everything i knew
about falling in love
on that mattress and
it's still settling there
like dust and
all i can do is write about you
until it comes back to me,
or by some kind of miracle,
you decide to.

they come and go
in waves
of secrets and stories
and tears
and laughs
and silly phrases