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Jan 2014 · 2.6k
11-19-13
David Bojay Jan 2014
People have different definitions of joy, and I can honestly to say that you are my joy.
I’ve never been so proud of my joy.
With everything that goes wrong in the world, there’s always the sun shining in the dark.
When I think of the sun enlightening people’s souls, I think of you making everything easier for me.
I feel cold at this moment, and it’s not the weather.
I could be outside naked, it could 0 degrees, and I still wouldn’t feel this cold.
I want to be your first and last kiss.
I want to be your everything.
Everything that makes me happy, I share to my world.
I share to you in other words.
My world is filled with soft green grass and the idea of it makes me tremble.
The tears of tonight will remain until the day you comeback.
I wonder what you’re doing right now, its 7:49 pm, and I’ll probably do things in between while typing this.
I hope you’ll still wake up and think to yourself that I’m yours, because I am.
And I’ll be yours until the sun doesn’t give out light anymore.
I’ll still wake up with hope, because you’re in my soul, my heart, and mind.
You’re my hope.
I’m sorry if you get teary.
If so, my intentions are only to make you happy.
Like always, everything for you that I do is to make you happy.
Even if I’m not there with you, I hope I’m in your soul, heart, and mind.
I know nothing will ever change between us, a few weeks from now we’ll be laughing, hugging, and kissing.
I’ll be taking you flowers to your doorstep, and I’ll be taking you out on dates.
We’ll get on train rides, and we’ll fall even more in love under the stars in Dallas.
When I heard you cry, I shattered, everything for one split second seemed impossible.
My voice started to crack and I felt like a new born baby.
I was so confused on who I was, I started to cry.
I never want to make you cry again.
The only time I want to see you cry is when I slip on that ring on our wedding day.
I’ve put so much thought into our future, the feeling when I do has never felt so right.
Never have I believe in something so true like you, I don’t need religion.
You’re all I need to believe in.
If you ever fall, I’ll be there to pick you up.
Even when I’m at my lowest, I’ll be there to pick you up.
Always remember, you’re not disappointing anybody.
I’m proud of everything you have accomplished.
I’m proud of you, and everything you have done.
There’s nothing to be disappointed about.
Trust me; I look up to you in so many ways.
You have inspired me to be the person that I am today.
I can’t improve on myself anymore.
Because you made me all that I am, and all that I ever want to be.
I’ll always be yours, and you’ll always be mine.
Even though forever doesn’t exist, it sure does seem like it with you.
Our love seems like forever.
I know you and I will walk the streets of the city holding hands.
When we’re tired of walking we’ll sit somewhere, and I’ll kiss your forehead for reassurance that I love you at that moment, and every moment that we come across.
I love you.
It’s 8:11 pm and I’m still wondering what you’re doing.
I’m wondering what you’re thinking of.
I get jealous of your guitars, because they get to be on your arms every day.
I wish I could be your guitar forever.
I haven’t eaten since 11am, and I’m not hungry.
My throat feels weird for some reason, I’m disgusted by myself.
I feel like screaming, I think my neighbors heard my scream this afternoon.
I think my walls are hurt.
I think my mouth is tired of tasting the salty taste of my tears.
I think my knuckles numb.
I feel like a clock right now, moving but going nowhere.
The hands will always wind up in the same spot.
With you I go everywhere.
You’re the portal to somewhere that doesn’t exist that is peaceful.
I know I’ll be on your mind when you wake up and you know you’ll be on mine.
You and I both know.
I hope you’re happy.
As long as I know you’re mine and I know I’m yours I’m happy.
I hope you think the same.
I will always remember the face you made when I showed you the music on my iPod.
Your eyes were filled with amazement.
If I knew what love was back then I would’ve said I fell in love with the look in your eyes.
I will always remember.
Never forget that I will always remember.
Sometimes I think how we would look like when we’re older.
Other times I think of you, and the future.
For Christmas I’ll take you on a carriage ride in Dallas.
We can kiss in the seats we’re in.
Nothing has changed; I don’t think they ever will.
Nothing has felt so real.
Nothing will ever feel this real.
When I get my car over the summer we can sneak out together and go to IHop at 3am just as you wished a while back.  
After that we’ll go to Wal-Mart and act crazy in there.
I knew it’d get to this point of satisfaction.
Even though right now we’re not at our best, we both know we will be soon.
The day I held your hand at the fair, I meant it.
That was one of the greatest days in my life because I got to spend it with all of my friends and you.
It’s 8:32 pm and I’m wondering if I’ll still be awake at 3am like I always was.
Knowing I was your boyfriend made me sleep in peace.
I won’t sleep in peace until I am again in all honesty.
The person I am at 3 am is a very bad person.
But I’ll have you to think about, so everything will be fine.
I hear the TV from my room; usually I have music on to block it out.
It’s silent in my room right now, I wonder if it is in yours too.
Whenever you feel down listen to Baby I’m yours by Artic Monkeys.
Just for reassurance that everything will be okay.
Denisse, it’s been 1,098 words and this isn’t even the introduction to what I feel.
I know there will be better days ahead, because you’ll be in my future.
It’s 8:42 pm and it’s been an hour since I’ve been sitting on this chair typing this down, thinking.
I want to listen to music, but I’m playing back things you’ve said to me in my head that has made me feel the way I feel right now.
I remember when you used a pick-up line on me in 8th grade; it was something about you wanting a picture of me and some other stuff.
I’ll never forget that.
You would wear black pants, black vans, and a white dress shirt to the concerts while every other girl would wear skirts.
During the summer we should go to concerts and start mosh pits.
During this time I’ve been typing this I’ve wanted to cry, I don’t know.
I’ll probably sleep with my Bluetooth headphones tonight and connect it to my phone that will be in the living room.
I’ll have it on shuffle; I know I’ll cry to a few songs while I think of you.
I haven’t cried in a while.
You’re worth crying for.
It’s 8:57 pm and I’m going to go shower, plus I have to put my phone up.
I hate time.
I just got out the shower, I was just standing there.
It’s 9:30 pm and I think I’m going to try to get some sleep.
I love you so much, goodnight darling, my love.
Sweet dreams.
I hope this small journey through my mind.
I’ll do this every day just so you know I haven’t forgotten about you and that I’m here.
I’ll wait for you Denisse.
I love you, peace.
Jan 2014 · 4.2k
The Higher the Power
David Bojay Jan 2014
Tiresome, both rowing the boat with much force, never knowing how long it take for them to reach the shore, she made a mildly funny statement, “our tears have probably increased the amount of water in the ocean..”. It’s been 4 months since they've been lost in the ocean, in the middle of nowhere. They’d stare at the blue skies daily, hungry? Yes, when both of their stomachs growled they glanced at each other and said, “Love requires you and I, not money, nor food, not anything, just you and I, you being here to experience my pain and happiness is more than enough”. Everything in the world could be reducible, but their love was infinite, they could never understand what love was, nor did they ever want to. Sunsets were still so beautiful, morning stretches were still required, and they were tense less because they never wanted to feel crunched and moody. Good nights were still vital; kisses were still heavenly, rich in thoughts, always tranquil, hardly any infliction. They needed no therapist, the sky was always there to hear their loudest cries, they needed no music, the waves crashing kept them sane, and when they were silent they’d listen to each other breathe. They did nothing but enjoy their company, smiling at each other is what they did mostly, they didn't know what being hopeless was, they were each other’s hope. Night skies consisted of shooting stars, they only wishes for another day to live and survive with each other because that’s all they ever needed. They’d come up with little stories for entertainment, laughter was never absent. Sometimes thoughts are better spoken than written, that’s how it was for them. They didn't have to read each other, a glance into each other’s eyes unlocked their thoughts and desires, both consisted of one another, they never knew when they’d reach shore, but what did know was that they were born to die in each other’s arms, whether in the ocean, or somewhere in a mountain range. Night came, the sky was filled with stars, and he thought stars were a reflection of her glistening eyes he often lost himself in. He awoke one morning hungry as usual, but still smiled because he knew he was about to look into the eyes of his love. He thought he had become blind, because she was nowhere in sight, panic ran through his veins, his bones weakened. He yelled and yelled at the sky, at God, asking where did he take her, why did he take her, why would he take his only happiness, the questioning became severe he couldn't find the words he was trying to say, and his beliefs began to disappear. She had fallen into the depths of the sea during their sleep, his soul was empty, and without it he could never look at anything without adding a meaning only he knew. Sea shells didn’t sound like the ocean anymore, coast to coast his chants overpowered the splashing waves, what hard did he do to God for him to do such a thing.. He slept for days, and his cheeks had a salty taste to them because of the tears. He wasn’t sure if it was an illusion or an imaginary place up ahead, but he could see the shore. Keeping a straight face, he pulled himself together with his heart full of hopelessness and took a deep breathe of the fresh air. He knew that it wasn’t his destiny to make something of himself in the world of opportunity and find more forms of happiness. He took a glance at the ocean and walked away from it, from home. The second he turned around regret covered him like the ground in a forest during fall. He turned around knowing he’d never see land again, he took a step forward towards the ocean and felt the sand swallow his feet as if they wanted him to stay. He knew it was his destiny to find her whether in this world, or the other, he knew he’d see her again. He had brought nothing but little hope that he was building up in his soul on the boat. Spending his hope daily, he knew he’d go broke. She wasn’t in sight and his destiny began to depend on death. One night, more than usual he began to question God and the plans he has in store for him. He asked God if he has plans for him to take his life away by himself, the emptiness in his soul was like a lung without oxygen, there was no way he could keep going... On the ledge of the boat where he was standing he heard voices coming from the ocean, the voices felt like a rope pulling him in, they must have known the reason why he was debating to jump off. The voices in the ocean had felt the emotion through the tears that have dripped in it. From all the voices, one sounded distinct and loud, it was asking, “Why are you doing this? Why are you questioning the destiny I have for you?” He responded saying “To take her back from you, if your destiny requires pain, I don’t want it, and I’ll find her and make my own.” Without hesitance he jumped off and for that while, the ocean was filled with reason.
Jan 2014 · 2.1k
My Grandmas Son
David Bojay Jan 2014
I really dont know how much time you have
Your bags are getting lower and I'm loving you a little too late
You're getting skinnier
You've lossed 30 lbs in 1 one month and I think this is your last year standing on earth
I think these are the months to pray
It's a little too late
Don't deny your sickness, when even you know you're ill
You once told my mom you dont pay the consequences here on earth, you pay them in the afterlife
You're paying them now
It must be horrible to live what you were planning to live in the afterlife
You're 25 x2 and I'm the mistake you love the most
Everytime I listen to Guilt Trip by Kanye West I shiver when Kid Cudi comes in
The line "If you loved me so much then why'd you let me go" hurts me so much
I remember you calling me a good for nothing
I think those words have become permanent to my thoughts
I think that's why I saw my self standing in a place for the hopeless a month and a half ago
I dont think I'll ever tell you that I love you face to face with pride in those words
Your figure is starting to become weak, and I'm beginning to worry
It's too late for that, I've come so far with a rope pulling me back
I think I've been walking backwards these passed 5 years
I didn't realize it before then
I don't think I know you well enough
I wish I knew who you truly are, soon to be were
What I do know is that you always pointed at my mother and yelled negativity
Now you're pointing at what grave you want to get buried in
You're paying death in my world you caused hell in
Consequences come in unexpected ways
I guess thats why death is catching you offguard
8 straight years hearing yells I hated
I was tired of it, but used to it as well
I'll always be your son.... dad
I wish things turned out differently
I wish you knew that deep down, I love you
The love you didn't show is slowly tying a rope around your neck
You'll always be my dad, you'll always be the monster I was scared of when I was little
You'll always be the screams of negativity in my ears that keep me awake some nights
You'll always be the July 29th I remember, always
You'll always be what made me who I am now
A suicidal passionate artist
And my friends will always try to defeat my inner war with their consoling words
What they don't know is that you'll always be with me
Even when I'm experiencing success
You'll always be there, to bring me down
And I love you for that..... dad
You'll always be my dad
And I'll always be your son you never showed love to
I love you
Jan 2014 · 3.7k
Just Wondering
David Bojay Jan 2014
I was wondering if I could make your heart my home
What is a home? A cozy kind of feeling where you feel loved?
Maybe I won't make it to see my mothers will
Maybe I won't see tomorrow
I'm wondering if you can be my tomorrow
Something to look forward to
I like to go into the woods and look for hope
I never find it, but I search to keep myself distracted from finding a rope
My phone's on airplane mode
I'm listening to liquid summer by diamond messages
This song brings me back to the summer
Same pain, different weather
If I were to be a dealer of some sort, I'd overdose on my own hope
An ounce of hope would do me good right now
I'm smiling right now, and I think it's because I'm thinking too much
Haha
I'm on my bike, just standing looking at cars pass by
Down on my mind, above the ground
I'm wondering what I should call the book I'm writing
The Art of Contradictions or The Art of Progression
My aunts cousins husband got me the bike I'm on, what the ****
I dont know what I'm doing I'm sorry
I'm an artist, not a lover
I try to be, once again... I'm just an artist
Sorry if I hurt you, I don't know what I'm doing
I'll do my best to love you, even if I dont know how to.... its 4:50 and I'm just an artist... sorry
It is now 5:34 and I'm sweaty, and cold
I never really got that combination
I quit smoking two days ago, so much for being sober
Im wondering how love can be young
Love doesn't age, a person does
Not too long ago I was eating pizza, now I'm here
Where is here? I dont know, it's not a home thats for sure
I'm surrounded by bricks
They protect me from the rain, but not from the tiny soldiers fighting war in my head
I'm on airplane mode and I'm wondering... I think I'm a phone on airplane mode
There's no use to a phone without internet or service
I wish I had my fathers bags, I also want to get you flowers
Black roses represent my soul
A rainbow represents the inside of it
My name is David Bojay, and you can call me whatever you want
I call myself a passionate suicidal artist
I hate to love, and I love you

— The End —