Now I know//
to move on from what it all used to mean//
the change of mind was a sudden switch of scenes//
never told me what I was, a narcissist that couldn’t see//
ever told you how I felt? there was nothing in between//

no matter what you do//
no matter what I do//
can’t forget about us two//
will stand up and yell the truth//
the only one in view//
but one I cannot reach//
I just sit and think in blue//
thoughts I can’t pursue//
they only make me feel bad for all the **** I *******//

the end of our romance//
periods of time to enhance//
I gave “me” a second chance//

Can’t rely on what I was

To you
To them

When you become aware of tendencies you have
The research can make you doubtful of who you really are
But these are just obstacles
Periods
I know now

I want to thank Sabrina for making me realize it
Endless proof that I was a narcissist, atleast for that period in my life

It’s over
It all has to end
I can only say sorry

Own up to what’s been

Forgive the sins that made the day a dim place in the distance

Princess to a reference, I just play with what could be

Persevere through the steers

Find beauty in the tears

Time passes and all that matters is here

Eyes pealed
Lips sealed
Disregarding my feels
What’s really real?
In the moment I heal

Finally

But whatever.... endeavors flowing out the river

Understood the way I was

Narcissistic

Reading on how to be “that” guy

To realize something that was detrimental to my relationships

My ******* tendencies

To realize you’ve only seen glimpses of me.... pardon my “self”

The pain won’t stay
So long
See you in May
Just not today, myself to betray
Lose myself indulging in what’s not spoken
Losing grip of the entirety of this moment
The only regrets I have are the ones that make her upset
is this a phase
false love to praise?
am i insane?
insecurities i can't restrain
is this a test?
one I can't retake?
is this a game?
one I cannot play?
when will it pay?
in debt til I decay
what should I say?
it's wrong to hate
the obvious is said
complications in my head
resulting in my death
it's life or lead
but what's to complain at the end when I wake up in a bed

There is no hope in the “fixations”
This moment is eternal
The “problems” vanish when there is no future or past
The filter limits my mind
How many ways are there to get to the other side of the madness derived from perceptions

When I don’t care
Would it be fair?


My eyes can’t be everywhere
Neither can my mind

Here and aware
Not there
No control
Beyond the lenses that filter

The nonexistent past and future bother my mind sometimes

(hard to love myself when I found myself in you)

Wondering if I’ll go to hell
In my thoughts will I dwell

A beginning
Empty

been trying to sleep since 8:50
a productive day

morning jams
afternoon workout

40 minutes of jumping rope
Thank you Rupert Spira

But I’m here again, crying and the reason is a thought that I let consume my days

loneliness

I miss her

Moments of awesomeness

Moments of overwhelming sadness

The days will go by

I’ll talk to you whenever

Could be tomorrow

Keeping busy

This change is one of a kind

One that makes me want to erase my mind

Start anew

But we can only go forward from here

Lullaby playing
I can only think things I shouldn't be saying
Like the loss of you that is driving me insane
Alone in the room that was meant for me and you
Never been so distanced from the truth
It was you, the one that made it seem like this experience was eternal youth

(troubled, will you be back soon?)

.....it's this moment that I wish I was immune from this doom that said I couldn't make it past the afternoon

I'm here now

1:30 pm.... a little bit passed afternoon