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a celestial calm
entwined with
daylight veins
of
madness
sitting silently
no occupation
but to
wind and wind
my
clockwork motor
madness
just to grin stupidly
as it
waddles
'round the room.
I found myself floating in the dark dungeon
gasping for breath--for it was filled with murky water
and all I could do was float (I don't know how to swim)--
I opened my eyes and no light came through
only wet and cold and bone chilling pain
and I considered for a moment (or was it two or three)
of just letting go
and allowing the murkiness to swallow me--
all I would have to do
is stop trying to float
and allow myself to sink below
I so wanted to just allow it, to just let go
and suddenly I awake
and here I am, dry to the bone
and wondering why, god, why
am I so alone?
I'm still shaking. The one night I go to bed before midnight and I have this **** dream which shakes me to my core. I'm awake now.  :(
I really hate the night sometimes, you know?
Perhaps if I go back to sleep
I'll find that on the morrow
I will still be alive
and can wash this nightmare
from my soul
and begin anew--
I keep thinking...
perhaps in the morning
I can just let it all go...
morning comes in only an hour or two...
nightmare wakes me up and my mind keeps racing refusing to let it go...but maybe if I can make it til morning...thank god it's a weekend!
hiding inside the darkness
peering out into the light
only to find
that my soul hates the bright--
too much to comprehend
too much to grasp
the dark seems safer for me
and I keep wanting just to clasp
its safety and its comfort
for darkness brings only quiet
and light brings all the sound
'make it stop!', my inner voice screams
as I fall in a heap onto the cold, hard ground...
trying to capture the pain of a migraine...ow, ow, ow!
 Jul 2016 Cyrille Octaviano
AMcQ
A monochrome film plays
Over and over.
To a singular audience.
It rewinds.
Pauses.
Fast-forwards.
It sticks on one frame
Over and over.
In the scene
It's me, lost in a
Labyrinth.
It's walls lit with
projected clips
of a monochrome film.
Playing.
Over and over.
I'm having a really hard time
understanding our world these days.
I feel like I am just losing my way.
I keep thinking I'll get it together,
that my mind is stronger than this,
that soon, very soon
I will somehow overcome
the overwhelming desire
to just
LEAVE.
!!!!!
BUT--
Honestly--I am just so tired
and so fed up with life.
It seems that the human race
has for the most part
lost its collective mind
and the morals of mankind
are falling into the toilet.
I would just hit the handle
and flush it down,
but the **** thing is so full
that it's blocked
and the sludge
just swirls endlessly
--nothing is being accomplished
except to keep people churned up
and fighting against one another.

Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing.
The cruelty, the stupidity of the campaign for Presidency (***, if Trump gets elected, our country is DOOMED) his hatred and
the uncaring hearts that follow him all swirl about this land &
are enough to make me want to just give up...
ripped from the sacred slumber
that held me in its embrace
and awakening to this reality
staring me in the face--
I look around with blinking eyes
and wonder if all this that I see--
the burning flames upon the wall
is truly meant to be--
surely this is just a dream
and not reality at all
and then I hear a distant scream
and my name being called
soon the smoke engulfs my room
no hope to make an escape--
and I feel an impending doom
unable to deny what I know is fate
I lay in my bed, close my eyes
and beg for forgiveness while I wait...
but I woke up, so I guess it really was just a nightmare...
I knew I was in love with you
the night I sobbed because
you were so far away
and I couldn't run to your
arms when I was hurting.

And it miserable
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