I didn't know longing until I couldn't find words anymore in a poem, my heart was once a vessel, it carries the abundance of love and death, but now it is an animosity of a futile hollow bearing the long gone memory of my craft.

it's like I wake up on the other side of the bed, it feels like it's someone else's now; the warmth, the scent, and on how their body leaves a mark, an indentation to it.

I've been a different person now, I didn't stay in the bookshop like I used to do, I just watch the people passed by through coffee shops like it's their routine or it's just the time continuously goes by without us knowing, everybody left. I seek shed in the slow burn moment love than to a fervent storm of it, that crashes all the halls I've long built; It's a deep shame to take what's mine.

Beautiful as a dream,
lurking as a culprit,
pages turned to dust
in a great little story line,
he is the next chapter
of violent delight.

Vermillion face,
sugarcoated as veil
promises counts on eyelashes.
Wishes on lucky stars,
he is the thousand words
of a lullaby I wrote,
a song in his dream
whispering in dark.

He is not a daydream
he is not a catastrophe,
falling in love with magic
saves us from broken heart;
he's an another stranger
who can fill my strangeness.

He is the space with clusters of star
and the other part is empty side,
the ocean with endless depth,
for eons it got deeper and deeper
until our same stars have reached its end.

Breathless muse, loose pages
were spattered with strange romance
tearing in fire, and turned to powder.

As a kid, I love to build
a sandcastle
on the shore—
Feeling the warmth of the sand
through my cold feet and I won't let the waves crash the every grain of my castle.

It's a clockwork — like the dances of phantoms in the hallways, in the glow of lights through the window at night. I stared like a burglar from afar, It's the fear and anger, that's keeping me restless — a reminder that I should sleep with one eye open, meager, furiously shame.

I understand how stubborn they are rewriting the history, as I try to recollect, catching trails like they were footsteps. Love is all they worship from the beginning of time, thus it crumbles them to dust.

Are they second - hand embarrassed? If I couldn't see the ghosts and shadows lingering everywhere, yet here I am nestled to all that fairy tale, for a momentary, and still plotting the sweetest lullaby. Did they haunt you too? as if it were a chunk to the armour or it counterfeits them?

From all that I had  sought
in distress
should I digress a stress
that you may be distraught
or it would taught you
to see, or to feel
as I stay up with you
'till dusk, 'till dawn.

A ghost you see
a reflection that keep
coming back
lurking in shadow and dust
no matter what the cause,
it wouldn't consume.

I was writing about the things
that I won't feel anymore.

dancing
imitating
mocking

We dance through the atmosphere
of imitation.

Imitating,

I am not the only one
who got this feeling.

Mocking,
you were mocking
when I caught you innocent;
I know, you love me.

Remember when
                     I had less    
                     perception to see the darkness
                     when you take away all the
                     lights as you leave;

You said, you felt
                  nothing more,
                  nothing less.

Long ago
there were poets
who taught us
how life goes on.

They were left in dust
but kept on pages
they gave us reason to love;
You must give it back.

She saw her world under her feet, crumbling
she allow anything to turn into dust,
she saw her lucky stars, crashing and falling,
her dreams are just daydreams
as her masquerade disintegrating.

She make her flowers bloom,
in a room with gloom,
she saw herself monochromic
on white wall
like a rorschach into her skin.

When her day is plain,
she feels so strange,
as if the tides subside,
it's not beautiful
without the sun's treacherous
shadow that carries the light of moon.

Her mind is a four-trick wheel
like a kaleidoscope spinning in her different shades.

She is the gift of catastrophe,
her secret keeps her real.
You wrap your hands around her,
this injustice won't be seen
but she'll appear as a morning star
if you stare.

You'll see at the end,
the sunlight penetrating her whole
and twilight gnawing the sky.

You'll see at the end,
she's another paradise and burning embers,
she's another midnight and another stranger.

It was morning
when my time set to yours,
a little loud but I got the vibe.
I remember the party dust
when you rushed to go home,
did they remind you of seeing me?
behind the lights somewhere that night.
There's a string that tangles us
as their bewildered eyes won't catch us up.

You found me on
                    Sailing ships,
                    shadows of morning,
                    fading sunsets
                    and grain of stars
                    on sand;
You loved me on my misadventures.

How envy I was
in my past.
when we were rushing the future
and made the present bypassed;
we were left in past.

I had a desolate knowingness—
a chrysalis of storm to despair,
a home of ashes and old haunts.

They are all smoke and mirrors.

I deal with daylight dialogues
and night time lullabies
you make them bright and true
suddenly, they become plain monologue
as you drift away.

Words came out
in mind and soul,
they aren't out of
nowhere.
It is an interpretation
of belonging.

Our words
are mind's guide
to a wandering soul.

Nothing felt like mine
when everything reminds me
of how our worlds are interconnected,
even if someone else had crossed that line before.

You had your brave shoulders
next to mine, arms were tired
and all you ask for is perseverance.
There's a part of me
grew bittersweet,
that still haunts me like memorizing
each streets you used to walk to
and counting my footsteps
through the stop sign.

Are you even aware that I ran away
when I couldn't bear any pain,
but my cold feet stopped
when you ask me to stay.

I told you, I couldn't imagine
I would be with someone like you
and now I couldn't imagine my life without you.

We feel those changes
as we're not used to live in this
we still hide our pain that manipulates us
we're still on the process of knowing our
disposition and misbelief
against everything,
I choose you despite my fears.

Every word that had been
made was about you,
draping into my skin
a pale and old like autumn leaves.
I've never been beautiful until your mouth traces out my name.

There are incidents,
we didn't want to happen—

a slow hit of comet
on moon's surface,

a sudden glitch, then a
momentarily signal jam
between the satellite and earth.

As the star lost its light,
all the words were just made
only to crash

You were once a moon—
it comes bright in night time,
and the sun that gives warmth
yet, too painful when I look closer.

After each signal jam
I can see things clearer,
You are the lost star that
changed everything,
and there hasn't any like you
since then.

Being with you is like
playing hide and seek
in the woods,
loving you is like
a poetry that lovers
spoke for centuries.

Who would have told
that I'm just a memory,
living in you mind.
An imagery of someone else's catastrophe
and a dream come true tragic story,
spattered on every inch of my skin.

And I will be like that, if you never met me.