He was my thirst-trap quencher
My splashy dream factory
My spectacular swagtopia
My glorious euphoria zone
My dazzle district city
My hazel havenscape

I was lost in his swirling world
Of man-lit magic
****** into the depths
Of his red-hot velvet magneticness
Where his top-shelf electricity
Streamed through me

I was man-lit, man-crazy, and man-struck
Hooked on luscious hunkiness
Lost in the magic of his swagger
He was my man-flower in full bloom
Street-dream sweetness
That was my weakness

He rendered me speechless
Dripping with flaming-hot gangsta sauce
And OLED dapper magnetism
In his seductive presence, I combusted
Wrecked by the crashing blast
Of his unmatched passionate love
Wild for his thrilling man-heat

He was my infectious macholicious bliss
My mouthwatering paradise
Of boss-sauce drip
His alpha-lit smoothness

I was blackout faded on his
Thugged-out tasty manliciousness
His sculpture-status splashiness
Adrift in his endless waves
Of unparalleled dreaminess

So enthralled by his stone-cold charm
His king-level flex
Every move he made
Was a straight-up rush
Every word he said a top-shelf treasure
Etched in my heart

His broad, man-chest and unmatchable abs
A certified thirst-trap
Immaculate and six-pack spectacularness
Brickhouse biceps, dazzle-loaded back
Alpha-snatched ***, dream-chiseled thighs

He had me fiending for him
So sprung on his luscious boy-sauce
His high-grade vibe had me punch-drunk
Lit up, lovestruck, and obsessed  
With his supernova drip

His man-chest, his fire-forged abs
His alpha-sculpted biceps
His back, a dopetastic scenic view
A shining skyline designed
To blow my mind
Certified fire that overpowered me

His delectable, grabbable ***
Was a tight, velvet masterpiece
Five-star temptation
A full-course meal
Of masculine magic to bask in

Fire-hot magnetism
Sexually mesmerizing
Breathtaking stamina
Tasty-worthy treasure
Stellar allure that left me breathless

Incomparable attractiveness
Picturesque pulchritude
Intoxicatingly enamoring
Like premium whiskey
Mantastically enrapturing

With that rich, juicy swagger
Craveable captivating charisma
That set my boy-crazy body ablaze
That had me lost in him for all eternity
Times infinity and beyond

In his presence, I had that
Boy-dazed gaze
That took my breath away
With his infectious sexalicious energy
His deliciously prepossessing magnificence
His lush, stroke-worthy beard

I dived deep into his velvet soul-melting eyes
Chocolate-laced galaxies to revere
Hypnotically luscious charminngess
Smoldering, untouchable, and treasurable

My tall, tasty glass of ***** on the rocks
My ice-cold dope king
My smooth, potent, and imposing Romeo
My astounding mountain
Of unbound crowned enchantingness
My magnetic dreadhead dream king

Sipping on his thugness
Was the hottest rush ever
Drowning in his ocean of macho handsomeness
Was an exhilarating adventure
Waves of sensational sexaliciousness
Tides of divine hotness
That devoured me entirely

He locked me in with his
Thirst-trap passionate sauce
Knocked me sideways
Had me so beyond a thousand
And one lifetimes gay for him

i didn't want to hurt you
so i hurt myself

if someone were to ask me what we just argued about
i don't think i'd be able to tell them
we just were

i had enough when you turned the lights on
i threw my headphones out of my ears
stomped to the switch

i asked if i could turn the light off
silence from your end.

silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from all ends. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end. silence from your end.

i just wanted it to end.

i don't know what came over me
i snatched the black crown i wore for my sixteenth birthday
off of the shelf
and i bolted to the bathroom

i took a sec to admire it
reminding me how sweet and soft i used to be
16 // 19
where did my happiness go ?

i didn't want to hurt you
so i hurt myself

i dragged the sharp combs
down my forearms 8 times
it wasn't deep enough to my liking so--

i lost count.
all i can focus now is about how much it hurts
it stings, i wanted to stop
yet, i wouldn't without the sight of metallic blood seeping through the skin

i didn't go deep enough
i got scared.

i stepped back out, fixed my sleeve, tossed the crown on the ground

are you done ?

silence from your end.
'if you wanted to harm yourself why did you use the crown and not the--'

you laughed at me. you mocked my pain.
which, i have no idea what must've been so funny about it
maybe it's cause i was crying

i was crying because i've never done that to myself. i never felt the need. i had never felt the overwhelming urge to put a fist in your face that instead i chose the urge to take it out on myself. but you laughed. you laughed in my face. when i asked if i could turn the lights back off it was just silence from your end. then you told me i was wasting my own time.
right. i'm wasting my own time.

i just tried to get my things done.            you're supposed to be my sister.