you made me a clown
yet i’m giggling now,
my angels witnessed
how my body was shaking
while my attempt was sending
—it was extremely thrilling
and in a millisecond,
you got me screaming,
singing “but daddy i love him”,
i was mad for trying
in the end, i got nothing

he made me pray,
for once i believed,
someone could make me stay,
and turn the way i’ve lived
but here i am, writing in dismay
and for the seventh time,
i’m finding words that rhyme
these mixed feelings i could hardly say

i lived in a dream,
it was lively, now it’s dim
i’m going back to sleep,
good night, so long

a beggar of your time,
an intruder in your heart
when would i ever hear
the sound of a welcoming chime?

my strangeness is coming to light again
unknown to my own, conceited yet in vain
i was never blind to my own longings,
i know what or who to disdain—my loathings,
but these days,
i’m a stranger to myself

you made me scream,
your name was on my screen
i was convinced you dislike me,
the ignorance in my letters lately.

should i say i was being naive,
thinking things you’ve shared
were for me to receive?

how come my feelings grow,
towards someone i barely know?
the more i distance myself from you,
the more they become true