I watched my father scrunch his eyebrows together
whenever my mother said something he didn't like,
his impatience seeping through his dark skin,
apparent in the way he turned his body away
as if he wanted to run from all this
but he's trapped now, trapped forever.
I listened as my mother told me she did not want to stay
and my brother and I are the only things anchoring her unto this godforsaken house
of peeling white paint and crumbling walls and endless shouts and burning words.
I watched them hold each other when things got tough
and I knew it wasn't because of love—
it was because they were the nearest things to each other.
At a very young age I knew love was something that dissolves,
a flower you water everyday,
a story you never stop writing,
And some people, they don't know,
that they have stopped watering,
and they're running out of ink, only on page 3.
Little girl me knew.
Big girl me continues to watch it unfold,
dead petals in their hair
and dark ink between their fingers—
dry

This morning will be a different one, for he will meet a girl
With an auburn eyes, a winsome smile and a hair that is curl
Strange she is, but in a beautiful kind of strange

The boy will stop and stare, will be lost in her haunting sad eyes
She will not notice, and will never knew, that cupid has
shot the boys young heart

The boy found a reason to go out every morning
To see her again, he was hoping
For her smile becomes the sun that brightens his day

He will sit from afar, and with an admiring eyes, just watch her
She paints, she reads, and sometimes plays with her dog's fur
He will silently watch and enjoy the beautiful scenario

It goes for almost a week
"I must be crazy, why do I stalk this chic?"
But he doesn't know the answer

All he know is, the girl brings peace to his heart
Her eyes and smiles are a piece of a pure art
and her laughs are a song to his ears

He could not explain it, watching her makes him happy
and sends a warm chill to his heart, very fancy
"I need to know her name"

The next day, the boy waited in vain
But the girl never came
"I'll wait again tomorrow"

It's been a week, but she never showed up again
In his chest a sadness and pain
Could not accept, she looked for the girl

He found out that the girl loves to paint
But the smell of the chemical will cause her to faint
That's why she sneaks out and do it once in a while

He found out that the girl loves reading
But her eyes failed her, every letters are dancing
That's why she sneaks out and pretends to read

He also found out that her hair was just a wig
And her red lipstick was to hide her pale lips
And finally he found out her name








With a sound of a breaking heart
He reads her name
*On her graveyard

I was freshly turned 17, you were freshly turned 21.
I didn't know you ***** me at the time, but I now know for sure.
I was madly in love with another woman, frustrated I wasn't getting her.
So you saw an opportunity to teach me the birds and the bees.
Yet you were still a stranger to me.
How could I say no with my raging hormones?
Didn't think that desire would burn into my bones
Never expected an addiction to make its home in me.
In between these years I'm still within that sphere
Another one night stand, another *** buddy, another thrill that kills a part of me.
I bet you didn't think that your in-between-boyfriends-plaything would start doing what you did to me.
Except now I despise myself when I realized I take advantage of my playthings... maybe ***** someone like you ***** me.
I don't blame you, though. I only blame myself.
I'm trying to forgive you, like I'm learning to forgive myself.