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I'm haunted by these demons within.
Unable to let light in.
I'm desperate for an end to this pain.
As I hit rock bottom once again.

I am searching for a sign.
Something to tell me I will be fine.
I need a distraction or a way to cope.
Before I give up all hope.

So I surrender.
I'm giving up.
I need a little help
To pick myself back up.
I cant do this alone,
Please let light be shown.
I surrender...

I've done things I'm not proud of.
And I just can't seem to rise above.
I turned away from truth.
I realized I'm not bulletproof.

Scars remind me of mistakes made.
Lonely nights drawing with a blade.
Things people said that cut deep.
Stressful nights without sleep.

So I surrender.
I'm giving up.
I need a little help
To pick myself back up.
I cant do this alone,
Please let light be shown.
I surrender...
You're honest, but why?
All I can do is lie
Still so much you can't see
Yet you put your trust in me
(For you, I'll be the best I can be)

Oh, you fragile boy
You think you're so strong
Thrown around like a toy
Been running for so long
(Oh, I'll prove you wrong)


Been knocking on your wall
Would you please let me in
No, you're not that tall
You can't easily be seen
(We can be better than we've been)

I don't know how this goes
Haven't tried it before
We've had our highs and lows
These feelings I want to explore
(They're too strong to ignore)


Shake my hand
This is what we sought
I'll make this our land
How could I not,
After all that you've fought?
(I'll fight for you with all I've got)
inspired by the foxhole court series, one person's in italics, the other in bold
Sometimes I hold a dead phone to my face so I don't look crazy as I talk to myself.
My 8 track tape is now a museum piece, **** carpet is a health hazard now. No one knows what disco is, and bell bottoms are back in style. Life revolves in a circle. Some things that were old are new. Once I could read the album print, not I need glasses to see the news. I have slowed down as of late, a trampoline is an enemy of the state. If I am not 30 minutes early, then I consider myself to be late. Everyone is driving too fast, and music is now too loud. I'm not sure what blue tooth is, I think I will ask my doctor the next time my yearly check up comes around. I hear about mp3 but I am not sure what movie rating that is. Jokes I still think are funny, just annoy and embarrass  my grand kids. Loafers are fashionable and I don't have to bend over and tie my shoes. Elastic in my pants is welcome when ever I want to breathe. I seldom have time to watch t.v. since I spend all day watching what I  eat. I have come to a fore drawn conclusion that I must admit, I am old I think.
you said you were in love,
you claimed to be in utopia,
you called her your light, your everything,
did a single soul know who it was for?
She is supposed to be me.
I thought she was me..
until you joked with a girl about marrying her
and ******* her...
when you were supposed to be mine,
and you left and came back
expecting me to be there when in my heart I moved on.
you neglected me,
and still expected me to satisfy your disgusting desires.
you left me that last time
as I was about to leave for good.
you left with the last lie
and found someone else
that I can tell has been in your sights
for the longest
because now that I’m gone,
you don't have to waste your time.
and when you ended it saying you had to focus on school.... again...
 Jan 2016 Crystal June
vinny
i have to cut you off for now
we can't complete our mission
seems I've overindulged in you
and now can't pay tuition

I've been ******* up in school anyway
it may be too late to fix
I failed calc 2 and heat transfer
and avoiding thermodynamics

The trip to Kauai we booked for spring break
it would have been 5 grand
I had to cancel that as well
hope you understand

maybe on the flipside
i'll take you on again
for now i'm laying belly up
allowing my brain to mend
I actually passed calculus 2 with a B
and eventually obtained my degree
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