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Cristina Dean Jun 2015
i understood loneliness
after my shift one day
sitting at a table of the
steakhouse I worked at
eating a
sad soggy salad and this
woman at the bar is
on her own
looking around
making uncomfortable
faces and frantically
searching the restaurant
with her crazy eyes
it’s awful and it makes me
feel bad for her
i cringe because
i know she is looking for the barmaid
to talk with
they've become friends and now
she needs her and her
need is all out there
displayed in the open
desperate and pathetic
i am sickened by the sight that I can’t touch
my salad
i feel so bad
i don’t want to be in
the vicinity of her but it also
makes me sick to think of myself
because here I am
sitting alone and
who is to say no one is
across the restaurant and
feeling bad
watching me eat this
sad soggy salad
  Jun 2015 Cristina Dean
K M
I am looking at this plastic table cloth with longing
It's reminding me of the surface of the ocean
in the moonlight
obviously it's summertime in my thoughts
and the sand is cold
my feet are hot
I'm going to go run into the surf
the sea is so black and sparkling
I am solitary
and so is it
and we are solitary together at the same time
so we are one
and each other's companion for the night
Ocean
I like to watch you even at a distance from the lifeguard's chair
and behold your magic
And our relationship is passionate and enduring
and you will keep me forever
rocking my distraught mind
just like a ship
on a wave
you are making me feel all
lazy and hazy
I think I love you
I think
we belong together
all by ourselves in the presence of one another
Because we are alike
Because you're so blue in the day
and so black at night
Cristina Dean Jun 2015
early morning at the
coffee house
toasted sesame bagel with jam and cream
cheese
coffee and cigarettes
crazy sparrows jumping in the hedges
of the patio
you and the old men
steaming cups, unraveled
weekend edition of the newspaper
on tabletops
you and the sweet, quiet old men
only they understand

going for a long walk
you hear two boys shuffling behind on their
way
to soccer practice
singing about the sunny side
of the street
your blood sings with them
blood is not of a violent
theme
not today
it's what keeps you alive
keeps you moving along
loving more
wild smile on your face as if you know
the damnest joke
a real good knee-slapper
a killer
of all solemn thoughts and
a promiser to
to be better, behavior and heart
a re-fertilized mind
from now on and ever

entering the city
the day smells of beach nights
lingering scent of sunscreen, sand, dark ***,
vanilla cigarellos
the light turns green and you
step off the sidewalk
catching yourself in the
reflection of a skyscraper 
emerging
from a busting, exploding crowd
looking like you always wished you would
a ballerina on-the- go

you are not a ballerina
but you whisper thanks and
keep the magic of today in your back pocket
like a paycheck
you've been owed
Cristina Dean Jun 2015
you are the autumn
in France i never
spent
the courage i
couldn't summon

stars shoot
when i stare at
my feet

you are the poem
that never came
Cristina Dean Jun 2015
i no longer stare
at its sleeping
face
and wait
for its eyes to open
and bleed
a red hungered morning
i am no longer obsessed
or terrorized
i do not want to catch
the beast
before it bites

i am living
too busy
to look back
or care for it

death, you're going to
have to
catch me
now
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