Her body perfectly blends in
with the night,
merely a silhouette,
her beauty accentuated
by the lack of light.
And though I have tried,
the earth has crawled
into her tiny bones,
the dirt has gotten
inside her fingernails,
and they have pinned
all their compliments onto her,
but I know when I'm gone,
she won't bleed with me.
Oh how can no one see
she'll no longer be a part of me,
how can anyone expect me
to be nostalgic
when I can't even feel
the sting of her golden days
where I bathed in the sun's rays.
I have suffocated her
and peaceful nights are now
but a blur,
and that is how you want me;
*on fire, stoic, dangerous.

Two

Your flesh was mine
and my flesh was yours,
but you were taken away from me
suddenly,
I can no longer be kept
inside a box,
thoughts can no longer be
underconstructed,
and castles I built on clouds
are now destroyed,
out of small clothes I've grown
and the land of childhood
is now but a void,
a room with four walls
I've been told to evacuate from,
and now I move
hastily into this world,
as it unravels me
and takes what good it finds,
begging for it to call
a truce with my mind.

I've two sides;
Anti's the one I'm not.
I start to decipher black from white,
I start to part two halves of my mind,
separating the moon from the sun,
bathing in this runner's high;
Tonight I won't say goodbye,
I'll just whisper *"Goodnight."

She won't like
what I've got to say,
Well, should have
behaved a better way,
now I'm here,
feeling my best
and I have no regrets,
tell the girl bye
because I won't cry.

I'm unapologetic,
her act, so pathetic,
she messed with a bad *****,
turned apathetic I'm
moving on to ****,
unapologetic.

And now she better
walk that other way,
better have nothing to say,
the tables have turned,
left her to burn.
You better walk that other way,
because there's nothing
left to salvage,
you messed with a savage *****
and I won't be
providing no bandage,
I've moved on, unapologetic.

- Crimsyy

**A/N: This is what occurs when someone messes with a savage poet. Here's a hint: you won't get away with it. Thankyou for reading! What do you think of this poem?

Nicotine*

I could hold your hand
through the hottest weather
(Your magnetic pull never
fails to draw me in),
I could stick to your chest
the same way my
sweat soaked hair sticks
to the back of my neck.
I could pillow fight my way
through sadness with you,
even though that's exhausting
with only a small, stand up fan
as the source of cold air
on a 40 degree day.

My feet were sore in the end
but it was worth every second I
got to walk besides you,
even when it felt like my feet
could not possibly
take another step.
And I love that eager, anticipating
look on your face as you searched
for your favourite collection of cars,
and I hope I am enough to wipe off
that look of disappointment
and sadness I saw cross your face
when you didn't find any.

The train rides are my favourite -
places where you can squeeze
my hand harder for
no apparent reason,
places where you can pull me in
for a tighter embrace,
the place where I could have
had a small nap
but instead kept myself awake
by counting the
freckles on your arm;
24 and more.

Carbon Monoxide*

Without you, it seemed
a part of me was incomplete,
it seemed there was a void
that nothing else could fill,

But you never brought
my heart summers,
all you ever gave it
was a paralyzing chill,
a cunning cut from air
and I couldn't believe
how wonderful you appeared to be
until you almost killed me.

Cradle me in your bones,
teach me the meaning of home,
I'm lost in this feeling of numbness,
My heart is gone,
replaced by a stack of bricks
and no matter how much
I strive and twist,
I feel absolutely nothing,
The crannies in my mind
have never been so
mind numbing,
I feel nothing at all
*and it feels so un-natural.

I swear
my bones have frozen
without you,
40 degree summer could arrive now,
and I'd still be the
equivalent of a snowman;

A mortal needing
another fleeting mortal;
What a beautiful and dangerous
combination...

The less time I spend with you,
the less I'll need to heal,
but the less time I am with you,
the more frost I lick off of my fingers,
the more frostbite attacks my lips,
the more my core is numbed...

I need to feel you,
You know I've missed you,
I need to feel you because
dangerously, you're becoming
a part of me, a delicate one at that.

I always told my teacher
you needed to be
shoved off a cliff
and only then would you
learn how to swim,
and darling,
for you, I'd eat patience
for breakfast, lunch and dinner;
I'd eat patience until my scale broke...
and it has.

The scale of my heart
is on edge,
it is crackling,
it is ruining,
it is bleeding to death.

I'm scared to insist
and I'm scared to admit
that I am tired of giving you
swimming lessons...
But then again,
if I don't teach you how
to float, one of us will sink...

I understand my patience
cannot be immortal,
but surely, your shyness
won't be either,
surely nothing is immortal,
surely we still have a chance...

It is my understanding that
by teaching you how to swim,
by being your anchor,
I will sink...you don't care if I do.
Fine.
Sink with me.

And maybe then I will learn
to not miss you so much,
so much that I can barely
pick up a pen to shoot bullets
of which damage you will never feel
because I will love you too much
to let them pierce and **** you;
but I am not made of steel.

"Oh dearie, we're in trouble, aren't we?"
She nods silently.
"Falling for someone so hard that you can't even hate them, not even when they let you down."
She trembles.
"And yet,  they love you enough to destroy you."
She pauses.
"Maybe it's not love at all. Maybe it's the attachment to someone who has the same insecurities as you. Maybe it's when you smell their cologne, when they hold you tight and your mind finally quietens down. Maybe it's the fear of being so dependent, of handing over your control to a reckless heart, and God the things you'd put yourself through just so they don't get hurt, even if you do. Maybe it's only love when the blood that spills out of you spells their name."
**A tear escapes.

A car, a person, a dirt street, the beach.
A loading journey,
Simple, unmeant goodbye.
Not sad to go away,
Relieved to not stay.
Need more space,
Need more space,
Some time away from reality,
Utopia, I'm a fool for you,
and I'm no match for
this mangled world.

"There is a lack of redamancy, you haven't let me open my mouth for at least a month. You had a lot to purge out, I guess. I want to tell you I love you, more than he ever will, I want to tell you I'm a part of you, more than he'll ever be. You are superlunary, I don't compare to you. But please remind yourself, I'm keeping you alive, though I am not God. But in a sense, I'm locking you here on Earth, I reside in your gut, I am the reason you're not giving up. All those plans and checked off to do lists, all those goals and visions...we make them just so we've got multiple anchors to make sure we do not sink. Every substance we use, every material, is a little helper: "you should stay alive because of this." Though my tendency is to hate, I have no hate to spill. Only admiration of how far you have come, of how much you have stripped me of any malice I contained. I came in hungry, ready to devour you, but you tamed my jaw with thorns you've watered for too long, and oh darling, I beg you to stay strong."

- Anti

It is

my own mind

that hinders me

from feeling freedom

hit my wings and make me fly.

It is my own tired mind

it is me so beg my blood to flow

Will you sweep up my mess for me?

My broom broke long ago.

I'll keep you in a bottle
my little light, my little light,
Maybe if i overdose on you,
I'll be alright, I'll be alright

Cause my head's not
a fine place to live in,
it's your arms
I'd rather be in,

I'm a wooden log
and my mind's a campfire,
Soon i will be gone,
soon the deed will be done,
So hold me tight,
I'm sorry if I keep you up tonight,
but I cannot fight

My monsters sit at a table,
planning my execution;
And I don't know how much
you could harm me,
but you're the one who
holds a leash on my emotions,

So hold me tight,
**I'm sorry if I keep you up tonight.

Toluene

I envy the four walls
that have the privilege
of watching you fall asleep,
I want to place your scars
in an envelope and send
them out to a healing land
only if you let me
and if you'll hold my hand.

Bite, swallow me whole,
call me *******
but I want to feel, feel, *feel
every fibre and molecule
that gives a definition to your name,
I want to plant the stars in your eyes
so then I'd stargaze forever,
I want you to rip me apart
and erode the tear stains from my heart.

Goodnight, sleep tight
Please don't lose your mind,
Take this second
with me and just breathe,
feel free for a minute,

I love you more
than the meds you take,
I love you more
than the screams my mind makes,
I love you even when
my voice shakes;

Oh I want to lose myself
in your endless sea,
I want to let you see
how much you mean to me,
how your touch,
how your kiss
brings me bliss;

How you rock me to my core
where others have not been too kind,
How in my mind
I find a place to drown,
but in you ,
I find the shore.

I am going to
immortalize you
in all the most lovely
poetic ways,
but not in shades of blue.

I am going to immortalize you,
give this snowing
weather a break,
give my mind
something new to taste;

It tastes like the smell
of a favourite meal being cooked
on a bad day,
it tastes like a good day,
it tastes right.

Although my most
relatable poems
have been about
suffering and pain,
I want to depict a new picture,
illustrate the vibrant yellow
in my brain.

Because as long as I feel this,
as long as it's real,
I don't care to make relatable rhyme because this happiness is mine.

Acetone*

I spend a countless amount of time
daydreaming, picturing, imagining
small moments that could have
the ability to fill my heart
with such happiness,
people would inquire if I were a firework.
My mind carves my face, relaxed against your neck,
the ultimate safe place for me to be
when I can't run from the weight
of achievements still waiting to be accomplished.
My mind carves you, holding me,
our movements synchronizing,
we're anti-socializing,
enveloped in our world where no one, no future, could touch us or break us apart.
We're dancing to the lack of melody,
focused on feeling the beat of our hearts...
But that's just silly, just a fantasy
because I don't suppose the world
could stop spinning for just enough time to let us figure it all out.
Will the distance be insufferable?
Will this eroding earth leave our hearts vulnerable?

Phenols*

Your heart was always empty
and I was full of self sacrifice,
so I tried to give your heart substance
with all my deepest love.

I poured and poured,
with pain I wrestled
before realizing I was pouring
myself into a stubbornly empty vessel.

You could have just told me
you didn't want any part of me
and not left it too late,
with pieces of me floating about
in a heartless man.

Methanol

You were two-faced
like most people,
and that hasn't changed,
but I have...
You will be disappointed to learn
I am not wasteful with
my loyalty anymore.

Nicotine*

Distance has its teeth
biting into my flesh,
and my relentless cravings for you
are a knife,
slowly slicing my sanity away.

I have a tendency
to turn self destructive;
I'll swallow you whole now,
or go without until I'm desperate,
no inbetween,

And so I take cut after cut,
bite after bite,
because I've made a home
for the withdrawal aches;
maybe this is what love looks like.

Hydrogen Cyanide*

I have no idea how it feels
to receive what I deserve from you,
no memory,
only faded dreams.

Seething over what I was denied,
I became ill from your heavy,
searing dose of
hydrogen cyanide,

And life lost its meaning
because I never learned
to pour this love I carry inside
all over myself.

Acetone*

What a day it will be
when we'll discover that
underneath our overworn sheen
is a layer of untouched rust,
smothered with lust.

And then with a scalding cry,
our minds will shatter,
splitting our belief of love
in half, where it's always been.

We will extirpate
all our memories,
as if the stars never
decorated the sky,

And when someone
inquires why,
you can tell them what we had
was only a velleity
branching out of our hearts.

Tar*

You tried to undermine
what I was to you,
who you became after
you met me;
I do not believe you were better
before I came into my life.
I know you find it hard to tell the truth
so I can't give you fault
if it kills you to swallow it,

But before you met me,
you were a walking trainwreck,
Coated in insecurities that were
flashing like neon signs
in the way no one had seen
your face in days
because of all the makeup.

How easy it was though
to wipe that facade off
once you realized that even
without coloured in eyebrows,
someone would still truly
care for you.

I truly cared for you,
and the only payback I ever received
were empty promises of
"I'll be there, text me tonight,"
feeling so alone by your side
that even a teacher's drawers
felt like better company,
a knife to my back
when I wasn't there to notice,
and jealousy when I
finally started smiling.

Acetic Acid*

Your effect rapid,
I'm contaminated, coated
in your acetic acid.
You have taught me
to just dip my feet,
not throw my body 
into the void
because the void does not 
always respond lovingly.

You have taught me
I love you is a trapdoor
too many fall in,
I love you is a romantic knife
with teeth,
illuminated by moonlit nights.

And most importantly,
your damage taught me
rapture and love
are *not the same.

Acetone*

I don't hesitate like I used to;
I know nothing of grey,
grey knows nothing of me.
You're a cigarette lighter,
your name slowdancing in my mind,
a violent waltz.

I tiptoed around you,
afraid to be set ablaze
but now my extinguisher's
not working
and I can't help but hold your gaze.

I've been told we're too young,
too young to set ourselves alight,
and too fragile for exposure.
But I also know if I'd never tried
I would have never found closure.

Methanol*

You were my first secret handshake
but handshakes are history,
why should I befriend a snake,
when I could avoid the misery?

I'm not imploding from the pain
of having no real closure,
no need for guilt to
build my heart a terrain
over your lack of composure.

The smiles you saw
after I pulled the trigger,
after my deed,
were a symptom of no remorse,
no blister
for plucking power out of a ****.

We clicked, a
sublime combination
like cloud and rain.
We have punctured minds
and somehow mine is
coming undone,
spilling into your hands
thoughts I'd kept in my head.
You're warm.
Not edgy, not twofaced,
not laced with superficiality.
You're warm.
Honest conversations
decorate us and I
have never looked
so wonderful before.
You make me grin,
and I know
'making your own sunshine'
is all a mental thing,
but now it's so physical,
I can feel it spreading
through my bones.

We all have our secret hideaways, we all have our cures, and our bandage solutions, and we all have addictions.

You will eat to fill the hollow kindly provided by someone who's left you lying in bed at night, wondering why you weren't good enough, or maybe even just enough, to make them stay.

We all carry earbuds...more like soulbuds. Hello music, goodbye world, goodbye sorrow. We all break down, no matter how hard we hide it, no matter how well we can disguise it...eyes can't lie, but they sure can act.

And we all try to bandage our wounds, though we're the worst doctors. I puke smiles, you puke smiles, we ALL puke smiles...

but no one's meant them for a while.

It is too late -
Your name has already carved itself
into a song- and what an ironic song
you chose to represent yourself with...
I will remember you for centuries,
it says but let's remember
that the feeling is mutual;
You will not forget me now and then.

You will not forget mind numbing kisses,
you will not forget holding me
as if our lives depended on it.
And cursedly, I will not forget you;
I will try to, but everything
will start to resemble you.

Even these words - are they getting you
out of my own head or are they
digging my grave just an inch deeper
into dirt - dirt you dug out, just for me,
with a smile, a ribcage, and
a heartbeat that feels like my tombstone
teasing me, beating down the seconds until
my heart stops, *just for you.

What I Meant:

cue tumblr poem prompt

What I meant
the last time I said
"I love you":
  

You are destroying me
but I'm letting you,
You are a fire and
your arms around me
make my thoughts scream

This is not
just an impulse
not just a match
I'm lighting up,
This type of love
will never burn out
no matter how
many times
our lips will be
coated in ash.

I would rather decompose
than leave you,
so cover me
in a veil of your flames.

- Crimsyy

Blue is the new black,
we're all waiting for
heartache tracks,
the ones we play on repeat
because they help chase away
the ghosts that haunt our sleep,

But love shouldn't ache,
love works in two,
two souls merging into one,

Create a vessel,
now store this vessel
in your heart:

*We hold all our our love there.

Your mouth on mine
and I know I
won't be able to resist;
the horror wants to
pull me away,
but you keep me grounded,
I love you and so I stay.
"Let's make it worthwhile" you say
we pour 3 hours' passion into
the last 3 minutes of our day,
I feel the emptiness leave me
to mingle with yours
and suddenly two empty vessels
become a whole.

You're double sided
and I knew it,
my instincts never lie

Girl you think you
can beat me down,
but open your eyes
cause you're the only one
who's frowning
since everyone's gone running
running away from you
and all the stupid things you do
and all the insensitive things you say

So go along,
I hope you drive away,
I hope you know
you won't send me astray
I've got my barriers put up high
A tear over you will
never escape my eye

You ain't worth crying for,
you ain't worth waiting for,
you ain't worth staying for
I'm gone, I'm done
So get gone and done.

The season's now complete
and your winter's unforgiving
unless you let it show its teeth
and your skin's so pale,
your winter's made you frail.

How can you stand to love it so?
Why does your mind absorb everything?
How could you stand to
be with such a liar?
Winter's constantly
playing with your wires.

And I hate how you're
embracing this cold
like it's a part of you,
friend, please
I've never seen you so blue.

And I hate this winter,
I loathe your pain
how can I love winter
when there's hail in your brain?

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading (: Any thoughts on this one?

The weapon you have,
symmetrical, is your face
a conversation passport,
a neon sign,
"Do not begin your speech,
go away,  leave me alone"

But the last thing you want,
and quite frankly,
the last thing you need
is to be by yourself,
where your mind can help you
to slice your pulsing wrists
into a hundred pieces,
and suddenly,
you're a bleeding mosaic,
but at least you look
happy and beautiful.

You puke smiles,
and they light up your face,
but if somebody were to stop you,
take you aside and say,
"I know you're not okay" ,
would you beg for a piece of space,
or would you let them stay?

You puke smiles,
so no one sees your petals fall,
no crutches to hold you up,
so by yourself, you make them believe
you can manage standing tall.

You feel like poison in my veins,
but maybe you're just good
at disguising damage,

I could make a mosaic
out of my own pieces,
but I'm choosing to share
my canvas with you,

So why do you insist
on painting me blue?

You wore a grey sweater,
denim jeans,
and an expression to
match the weather
which I took to mean
the forecast of your heart
hadn't been sunny
since that night I broke it in half.

But I knew I had to
give us another chance
when the light in my eyes
began to dance,

Because love only hurts
on the way out,
a substance we sip so strong
and can't go without,

And we all surrender
to the heat
because it's what makes
our hearts beat.