I can measure how much
more I can take from you
by how many seams I pull apart
just to be able to
adorn your face with a smile,
but I can no longer stay
can no longer feel this way,
you push me into a volcanic eruption
of self destruction
and now my patience
and tolerance cease,
I'll have to leave,
but please live on,
live on like you never knew me,
live on like you never
kissed away my blues
because a ghost cannot say
"I love you."

Nicotine*

Distance has its teeth
biting into my flesh,
and my relentless cravings for you
are a knife,
slowly slicing my sanity away.

I have a tendency
to turn self destructive;
I'll swallow you whole now,
or go without until I'm desperate,
no inbetween,

And so I take cut after cut,
bite after bite,
because I've made a home
for the withdrawal aches;
maybe this is what love looks like.

Acetone

We're very much alike,
the flame, you, and I.
We all just exist
because we were meant to be,
much like the reason
behind our love,
the reason behind
my "I love you,"
the reason why
my eyes always sparkle for you.
I can't quite name it,
can't retrieve it
from the cemetery
in my mouth.
But it's *there.
*****.
Beautiful.



**Thankyou so much for reading! Please comment your thoughts or feedback on this one. ^.^

No one will ever stop me,
you'll never devour me,
I have grown to care less
about people who fail
to see my worth.

You will never water down
my self esteem,
I burn like kerosene,
and now all my words
gather together
to prove that you
will never matter,
never make me shatter.

You deemed me disempowered,
inferior,
but you've never glimpsed
my interior.
You deemed me all the things
I'll never be;
it doesn't bother me.

Because I will keep
moving forward and growing,
cutting away the weeds, ruthlessly
planting new seeds,
but you on the other hand,
your heart will become puckered
and your skin will grow to match it,
tainted and wrinkled by
the millions of seconds you spent
underestimating a masterpiece.

My thoughts are misled,
you're keeping my anxiety fed,
but I'll be with you
until this war ends.

My meal has lost its flavour,
bleak and plain,
my mind's geometry is denial
as I picture blood stains

How can I forget
you begging me for a way home?
No, not just yet, I plead
I won't leave you alone

And now my temples throb
as I seek the evidence
fighting against your decadence.
I can't find the key to
unlock my sanity,
so I grab a bobby pin,
but concern plays my mind
like a howling violin.

- Crimsyy

I've learned to pull out the plug
when enough is enough,
because flesh and minds
sometimes are too much,
I know you've realized it now
but it's too late
and there's no going back,
no erasing mistakes.

I could wipe your slate clean
but I'm caught in
a mess you made,
torn between which side to take
and which one to forsake,

and now your face is
turning red from rage or regret,
because I won't choke on
the words I said,

and someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
but that someone isn't me.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! The moral of this one is - actually, I'll let you work that out ;) What do you think of this one?

6 minutes to 12 am,
I'm your prisoner again,
my breath stains the windows
of this house,
this house is asleep.

Won't awaken to my needs,
Won't keep me full,
my soul needs a feed,
Cannot differentiate
my happiness from my sadness
both are equally opposites extremes.

This is nothing permanent,
Just my mind gone funny,
drained from the ways
I spent my day,
I have this tendency to
take a step forward and leap
and keep running from
what my mind binds me to,
I don't want to feel for you,
I don't want to feel for anyone anymore.
If you leave, at least
shut the ******* door.

You make me wish
I couldn't care less,
you make my soul
want to fight my mind,
you make me wish
my heart was carved
out of indifference, passivity.
You make me wish
my thoughts were
filled with apathy, not empathy,
you make me wish
I was subtle, not bold.
And you make me question
if being intertwined is equal
to being free,
if human warmth is equal
to a smile,
if your body next to mine
is equal to happiness.
But the truth is,
I am filled with care from head to toe;
I care about poetry,
and sunsets, and stars
and all the little things you overlook
because you think they'll last forever.
But I'm perfectly fine,
just like that.

If I wrote you a letter,
would you read it?
Would you see how
my love for you has scattered?
For I can only write you
my hateful letters,
where a single word
screams in abuse,
and maybe it might strike
your heart in a way
that makes you want to die...

If I wrote you a letter,
would you surrender,
and scream in submission,
bow down in admission?
If I wrote you a letter,
would you mistake
a knife for an eraser?
Because I did,
and you never wrote me a syllable...

I will not prove you right,
I am not in need of you.
You inspire me
like a gone mind
inspires a gun;

Now I'm grown,
Now my skin's thicker;
I will not dig my own grave
because you chose to pull the trigger.
So, if I wrote you a letter,
you still wouldn't matter
to me.

I can't place a
blanket over you anymore,
I can't love you like
this July cold,
the cold air presses such icy kisses on my cheeks,
but when I think of you,
all I can do is seethe.

I never wanted you to be
this crimson scar
I hold in my chest,
I never thought you'd be
a suffocation of all the best.

You paint me in shades
of red regret,
and I wonder
how long this rage
will cling to me
and when it'll
make a cemetery in my heart for all the words
I haven't said yet.

You wore me like jewellery
and I was yours while
times were golden,
but in your misery
it seems you've forgotten
who I am to you
and what I'm trying to do.

And I don't know
if I can stay,
or if I should just
turn my face away.

- Crimsyy

The sequel to my other poem "Lovely"**

Nothing else resonates more
than being told about
your loveliness,
nothing else resonates more
than the assurance that you
are absolutely graceful,
and that the grass you walk on
thinks you are a sight to behold.

And every seed that
you'll touch
will grow and transform
from the dust,
and your lungs will
earn back your trust,
and you'll believe in grace again.

I don't want to leave
for a temporary feeling,
but I don't want to stare
at a permanently black ceiling,
I strive to see the stars
but the dark's outshined
them all tonight;
has the dark touched you tonight?

I never liked the way
she smiled at you,
never liked the way she
hugged the corners
of every door,
never liked her clothes,
never liked her sitting so close.

I plastered a smile on my face
just for the night,
just for your night,
but that small curve
turned into a straight line.

Green's a cliché,
my eyes saw all
my pleasantness fading away.
Now won't she stay in her line?
Can't **** with what's mine.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! Any feedback on this?

"Just be there"
but what do you mean?
"Be there" as in
"Come and bathe in my sorrows,
give up your existence
and drown with me?"
or "Be There" as in
"Believe my lies,
don't question if I'm really alright
and let's both fake it out?"

Because I really cannot
"be there" the way you'd want me to,
I really cannot vanish for you,
I really cannot wish for you to be gone,
that's just not how "being there" is done.

I'm sorry that some have
been cruel and shameless
and planted thorns in your skin,
I'm sorry you do not know
where self hate ends,
and self love begins,
but do not cut the hands
of those who always try
to lift you up;
you can't be surprised
when everyone gives up.
**Enough is enough.

Nicotine*

I could hold your hand
through the hottest weather
(Your magnetic pull never
fails to draw me in),
I could stick to your chest
the same way my
sweat soaked hair sticks
to the back of my neck.
I could pillow fight my way
through sadness with you,
even though that's exhausting
with only a small, stand up fan
as the source of cold air
on a 40 degree day.

My feet were sore in the end
but it was worth every second I
got to walk besides you,
even when it felt like my feet
could not possibly
take another step.
And I love that eager, anticipating
look on your face as you searched
for your favourite collection of cars,
and I hope I am enough to wipe off
that look of disappointment
and sadness I saw cross your face
when you didn't find any.

The train rides are my favourite -
places where you can squeeze
my hand harder for
no apparent reason,
places where you can pull me in
for a tighter embrace,
the place where I could have
had a small nap
but instead kept myself awake
by counting the
freckles on your arm;
24 and more.

The season's now complete
and your winter's unforgiving
unless you let it show its teeth
and your skin's so pale,
your winter's made you frail.

How can you stand to love it so?
Why does your mind absorb everything?
How could you stand to
be with such a liar?
Winter's constantly
playing with your wires.

And I hate how you're
embracing this cold
like it's a part of you,
friend, please
I've never seen you so blue.

And I hate this winter,
I loathe your pain
how can I love winter
when there's hail in your brain?

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading (: Any thoughts on this one?

When you unravel me,
do so carefully.
The world is a breath
of fresh air I have not taken yet,
not reached yet
and somedays I curl up
within myself
and other days I wonder
how many moments
and doubt - filled nights
separate me from you.
Somedays, I want to run
I want to own the moon,
and others, I still
find myself sleepy at noon,
and I wonder if this is normality,
if I'm the only one
going from one extreme to another.
So when you unravel me,
take time to savour
my incapability to dwell
in passivity.

I'm currently evacuating,
currently changing,
no longer lingering
in lullaby-scented halls
and too big shoes.

The walls have changed, you see,
coated in posters of
people I try to be
but the walls know my
real estate, my anxious being.

They know my exterior
is scared to invite you in,
because not everyone can handle
the mess within.

They know on the inside,
I'm dripping blood, ink,
my mind, like an overflowing sink,
saturated with love,
sunset pink.

I have been thinking about you non-stop but I've only texted you
with 6 remaining hours of the day, and you can't even spare two minutes?
I thought I meant more to you , see this is where you utterly confuse me;  I bet you will not remember the date when you decided I was yours but I do and yet in 4 days when I'll ask to spend time with you, you'll be too busy for me.
Why can you not see that it is the little things that either raise me up as tall as Mount Everest, or shove me violently over the edge?
Punctuate your words, add a question mark to your "How are you";
Make me feel like I matter the way you matter to me;
Make me feel like I'm important to you.

The sequel to "Sublime"**

I need to end this monster,
it's taken my mind apart,
a secret I've been holding
tight in my heart,

The pain you held
was the pain I felt,
you wanted to erase me,
but I'm not one to settle down,
so come as you are,
I will end you with
the light of a thousand stars,

I need to end you, monster,
or you'll ****** all your prisoners
after you blur the tunnel's light,
and like a vampire,
you'll flee from anything bright,
but our breath is
deadly and Heavenly;
you will not be
feasting on our blood tonight.

I'm basking in the absence
of sadness,
Moved on so quickly,
I'm done with your messes.
I gave you chances
from the start,
and you wrecked them all
until the end.

10 thousand tears I was
never going to waste on you,
why should I have been
sad over you?
You made it clear,
hence I disappeared.

And now there's
a clearer view,
and now without you
I can see me,
and now without you
I don't need to think
of all the plans you devised
and all the ill advice.
I know you tried
to pull me away,
but with her I'll stay.

Tea stains ever present,
my anesthetic,
tasted by an older tongue,
sedating an even older mind.
Little one,
you were happy
and naive,
but I'll have to
leave you behind.

the poet
born with ferocity
she shook the earth
and left a mark on your skin
she resonated and through
carefully constructed words,
she wept

she works
behind closed doors
lights dim and her dimmer
but like a phoenix
she will rise again
she's paid the cost
in pain and tears

welcome to the golden years.

- crimsyy

I thought my words
could change your mind,
And I hoped the end
you wouldn't find,
I hoped you'd be able to
put down your gun,

And so I punched myself
in the gut
a couple hundred times,
to block the backdoor
to your finish line,
to stitch every scattered piece
together in time,
but I couldn't quite fill the gap
of a lie in your "I'm fine"
We're so very far from fine.

Now do me a favour,
and quit the suspense,
Do me a favour,
listen to me when I say:
the night is black but
look hard enough
you'll see the sky is grey;
you're not meant to go away,
You've so many reasons to stay.

My voice is tired of repeating itself
over and over again,
monologues are only meant to stay
inside one's head,
and I'm too terrified
to stay another night,
all I can say is "hold on tight,"
all I can say is "hold on tight."

Two

Your flesh was mine
and my flesh was yours,
but you were taken away from me
suddenly,
I can no longer be kept
inside a box,
thoughts can no longer be
underconstructed,
and castles I built on clouds
are now destroyed,
out of small clothes I've grown
and the land of childhood
is now but a void,
a room with four walls
I've been told to evacuate from,
and now I move
hastily into this world,
as it unravels me
and takes what good it finds,
begging for it to call
a truce with my mind.

I don't even know you, but I'm scared for you and it's driving me crazy...I can't think of anything else.

I hope you'll breathe, I really do. And I hope you know I've been in the same boat as you, where my mind has almost pushed me to the limit and I almost payed the price...and you don't think the price will be much - to you, you'll just be gone and faraway from any pain....

But you matter, and perhaps nobody ever told you, but you matter. You matter on the days when you wake up feeling lost and broken. You matter on the days when you feel like you know exactly what you are doing. You matter on the days when your mirror should be replaced with an "you look absolutely stunning" sign.

You are as stunning as a newborn, bloomed flower, but you are not a flower...if your petals fall, you can still live. Through winter, summer, autumn and spring,  you can still bloom and grow taller than the polluted skyscraper city that is your mind. You are not a flower...don't let them rip you off from the ground and destroy you.

Confession:
All this ramble that I absolutely meant still hasn't distracted me from the fact that you could already be gone, and we are all just hanging on a lifeline.

Confession:
God gave us wings, so we could fly, and I hope yours find their flutter again; you looked so stunning underneath the blue ceiling we call 'the sky.'

Confession:
I will crumble completely if you die.

I have tasted hearts
that have had
the same effect as
getting drunk on chloroform,

I have shaken hands
which promised to feed me,
but ended up choking me instead,

And
I have had to
contain myself
all those times no one
realised that I wasn't "just
tired" and that if I WAS tired,
sleep would not fix it anyway,
sleep was foreign to me anyway,
sleep consisted of nightmares
that I couldn't run away from,

Because you can't run away
from breathing;
But I'm here now,
And I'm glad.

- Crimsyy♡



Blue is the new black,
we're all waiting for
heartache tracks,
the ones we play on repeat
because they help chase away
the ghosts that haunt our sleep,

But love shouldn't ache,
love works in two,
two souls merging into one,

Create a vessel,
now store this vessel
in your heart:

*We hold all our our love there.

Hey readers!

You may have been puzzled by the last two poems...
The thing is my friend was playing around with me after I told him I was creatively blocked and those two poems happened..
But do not worry!!
I shall be back soon with masterpieces.

Thankyou!!

"Oh dearie, we're in trouble, aren't we?"
She nods silently.
"Falling for someone so hard that you can't even hate them, not even when they let you down."
She trembles.
"And yet,  they love you enough to destroy you."
She pauses.
"Maybe it's not love at all. Maybe it's the attachment to someone who has the same insecurities as you. Maybe it's when you smell their cologne, when they hold you tight and your mind finally quietens down. Maybe it's the fear of being so dependent, of handing over your control to a reckless heart, and God the things you'd put yourself through just so they don't get hurt, even if you do. Maybe it's only love when the blood that spills out of you spells their name."
**A tear escapes.

I swear
my bones have frozen
without you,
40 degree summer could arrive now,
and I'd still be the
equivalent of a snowman;

A mortal needing
another fleeting mortal;
What a beautiful and dangerous
combination...

The less time I spend with you,
the less I'll need to heal,
but the less time I am with you,
the more frost I lick off of my fingers,
the more frostbite attacks my lips,
the more my core is numbed...

I need to feel you,
You know I've missed you,
I need to feel you because
dangerously, you're becoming
a part of me, a delicate one at that.

I always told my teacher
you needed to be
shoved off a cliff
and only then would you
learn how to swim,
and darling,
for you, I'd eat patience
for breakfast, lunch and dinner;
I'd eat patience until my scale broke...
and it has.

The scale of my heart
is on edge,
it is crackling,
it is ruining,
it is bleeding to death.

I'm scared to insist
and I'm scared to admit
that I am tired of giving you
swimming lessons...
But then again,
if I don't teach you how
to float, one of us will sink...

I understand my patience
cannot be immortal,
but surely, your shyness
won't be either,
surely nothing is immortal,
surely we still have a chance...

It is my understanding that
by teaching you how to swim,
by being your anchor,
I will sink...you don't care if I do.
Fine.
Sink with me.

And maybe then I will learn
to not miss you so much,
so much that I can barely
pick up a pen to shoot bullets
of which damage you will never feel
because I will love you too much
to let them pierce and **** you;
but I am not made of steel.

You are nicotine to my lungs,
so what do you expect?
I can't breathe next to you.

You're only toxin for me,
you were the chain
wrapped around me,

Now I've unlocked your secrets,
and your smiling face
is a fake journal on display,

Your game is not one
I like to play;
*You will lose.

Tonight,
I may need you to
reaffirm that I am lovely,
no it's not conceit,  see

Some souls remain so unsure
as what torments leaves
the lovely obscure

I'd gift you with my breath,
I'd live for you
and that's hard to do,
I'd gift you with my mindsight
but will you ever ignite my eyes
and let me be showered
in picturesque light?

I'll keep you in a bottle
my little light, my little light,
Maybe if i overdose on you,
I'll be alright, I'll be alright

Cause my head's not
a fine place to live in,
it's your arms
I'd rather be in,

I'm a wooden log
and my mind's a campfire,
Soon i will be gone,
soon the deed will be done,
So hold me tight,
I'm sorry if I keep you up tonight,
but I cannot fight

My monsters sit at a table,
planning my execution;
And I don't know how much
you could harm me,
but you're the one who
holds a leash on my emotions,

So hold me tight,
**I'm sorry if I keep you up tonight.