The moment I think back on
the most
isn't when
                   we learned to samba
                we saw each other naked
              our lips met for the first time
or even when we said I love you.
Its our last night together,
the night we
            played cards with your family
       slept in your twin bed
    couldn't work the DVD player
and took our first bedroom picture.
It was the night when
    I woke up and cried quietly
until you felt my tears on your skin
    You wrapped me up and rocked me back to sleep
    You whispered I'm here over and over again.
Don't you remember, love?
*It was the night before you left (me).

I wrote about him
over a year ago.
He was one of my
     most inspirational muses
that became one of my
     softest kisses
     purest loves
     sweetest memories.
Which makes it even more painful
to realize that he also became
one of my
        biggest heartbreaks.

I dreamt that you
   were laying beside me
   but instead of ribs
   there were constellations
   and half mumbled wishes
holding you together.
You took my hand and
    held it to your chest
    telling me to take a
  fallen star for myself,
to remind me of you.
When I couldn't grasp one
    I looked at you
   desperately,
    and you laid back with
    your blue eyes closed
And told me to *"keep reaching"

we play house.
he makes us coffee
and
i wear his shirts.

we play house.
he drinks his feelings
and
i stare at the ceiling while he sleeps.

we play house*.

its been long enough
that the memories
are starting to fade
from the glare
of reality.
but the one moment
i still feel
as vividly now
as i did then
is when he stared into
my deepest parts and whispered
this? this right here? its real.

the only thing i feel
more vividly than that
is the hurt from realizing
**it wasn't true

i would
live
or
die
with a
single
word from him,
but i
have to
act like
i can
live happily
without a
single
word from him