She loves me
She loves me not
She loves me
She loves me not
She loves me not
She loves me not
It always comes back to this
Affection from afar
One sided, hidden
Longing infecting my every thought
Every moment, every action
Defined by the ultimate question
What if?

What if, she did love me
How would things be
Nights together under the stars, secrets swapped like treasures
Or how it usually is
Cold
Empty
Painful
I don't search for an answer to What if
Because I am afraid to find out

you are a pause

you are the second
before the air raid
an anticipation so loud it's deafening

you are the stillness, the static,
pins and needles between lightening
and thunder. 1. . . 2 . . . 3. . .

you are the heartbeat, last blink
separating bullet and flesh
crescent cuts bleed from empty hands

you are red lights. stop
knuckles white through a
raindropped windshield

you are elevators
early morning coffee stains
shifting eyes. look away.

you are the dead air
on a faraway radio station
bent antenna. turn the dial. silence

you are the needle
on that half broken phonograph
sidling arthritically away, back to sleep

you are the skip a beat
nervous lip bitten hesitation, envelope stamped
staring into the letter box. just let go

you are punctuation. . .

you are the hyphen
splitting words in two
leaving lonely nothings on different pages

you are 0:00

you are the force that
draws our eyes together
if only for an instant

Lover, I only want your love now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
∞

I blame you, yeah that's true
I blame you for making me fall in love
with you
It was since ther first day
The first sight of your presence
It was like a dazzling light
you came above everyone else

Your hair shone like pure gold
and your hazel eyes got me trapped
Now, I can't get out
But I don't want to

You, the one that's makes me shake when close
I blame you
I hate you, because I'm in love with you

Most of the time
I feel my old spirit
still rattling around
deep inside
but as a ghost
haunting my ruin

You see this smile I force
but what you don't see
is what is really happening
I'm not always confident
I'm really just a good actor.
I may look happy
but I'm not really.

Who do you you want me to be?
Someone like you?
Someone like everyone else?
I can't do that.
I can't be who you want me to be.
I can't be that girl.
I can't be that perfect.

You see the scars
but you don't see the pain.
You see the lies
with the truth not to be found.
This is how I feel
but you'll probably never see
the real me.

I'm so afraid to tell anyone
about how i really feel.
I know I should see someone
but no one believes me.
My mom wouldn't believe me.
How would I tell her?
How would I tell you?