"the chore became my passion"
the passion was always there
my passion my death
there's so much to deal with
I don't think I really can tell

Every piece fits in a kind of way
The kaleidoscope is my way of life
And I get dizzy and tipsy sometimes
The spinning ceiling gives me glory and gives me pain
But it's the way I am made

Listen to all the signals
they all do speak
listen to your body
listen to the gaps in between

I got freed when I hit my head
The blood poured; but I lost my chains
I had nothing to lose so I went ahead...
Why do I replay in my brain things over and over again?
The answer is always to flow
Never force - life finds its own road
The road!
And write poems when in doubt on how.

Why was I able to carry on all the way?
Why did I survive and now I fall apart?
Odin's voice within - call him again

In Nacho's pool
Everything dissolves everything floats
My heart it rests but never at all
Brings me memories from old times
and builds new bridges between us

I feel at the verge of 16! I am afraid
the verge of terror the verge of sin
the most scary **** blacking out whole
But I am not 16 anymore now I'm no toy
I have a heart and a precarious health
and thirst for joy

My lovers how are you all doing today?
You are going to **** me and I am going to **** you too
Sending hot pictures to see what you can do
Reactive feelings sexting in the pool
My blue eyed boy wish I could love you
in fact I do and I cry for you ghostly tears
I hurt although I can't feel
I can feel you pulling away from me
and it's no surprise it was always this thing
But he casts spells on my direction
and I have no protection
I don't want one either, I confess
The times I give in are the best

But what if I am left alone
this is my fear
Without a man I feel I can't go on
Because he's the one
but he has the power to harm
to break me in pieces in case that he wants

And I see all of this in Nacho's pool
My fear, my pain, my hope
My past, my future, my wretched love

What happened the months
preceding the disaster?
What made it detonate
what compounded the bomb there -
it's still unknown, we need to investigate
it's not only about the mess I made

We need to go back, without going back at all!
Are you brave enough
because I am
and I will defeat Gods
and anything in my path

I watched my evil patterns
My evillest one: focusing too much
on you, dear
on my empty slots
I am open to anything - are you?
Do you have what it takes - to come through

What happened these awful days
where you cracked under the pressure
and I cracked under your name?
My mom said you need to get away
from something I could not tell

And we have to try new ways
to thrive and stay sane
stay alive

I am the alien from the 108
You are my cosmic bound
We met high up above
There is a layer of God on top
That's why this thread around our bodies
this golden thread that will make us choke

And sure I changed your life
and sure you changed mine
I am the alien from the 108 - pink hair
turbulent eyes, a explosion of chaos

Now we can really join - we are apart
This universal force takes a toll
on unexpected passengers in that road
those who live through it but did not know
Those who can see but are still small
smaller than the energy generated
that confuses and clears the vision field

Now I am broken down
and full throttle!
We are bigger than the world
we are fire, we are a unmissable link
this doesn't rhyme now
no need for it
we rhyme perfectly
our needs they used to meet
we rhyme to the point we bleed

I've acquired some bad habits
since we left
My soul has been ****** away
and so does my pain

I am enclosing myself
but isolation feels so well

I am crossing to the other side
the one that saw me come to life
Like a baby - my birth was hard to live through
and shocking and confusing and sad
but this time
it's a different kind of ride

It was easier to reach back in time
It came natural but it was limp inside
I never speak for others,
merely from my side
This paradise that feels defective
lacking shine
I am dragging myself down
I am starving myself - on my bones

I've acquired bad habits since we broke up
High on confusion, poetry and legal drugs
My space is being taken up
This witchcraft - this spell that's cast

And a line of meaning, the junction
struggles to be found
It comes, but it is too big to hold at once
He saw me come from the underground
He saw me spring and wrap him in my love
But it's not enough

I am dying and waking up at the same time
Crazy state of mind
I never stopped being such -

Oh love where do you hide
why are you so elusive
calling out my name loud all the while?

You catch me tight
and never fully grab my hand
Sad because he could not
give me what I want

Where do you lie my fellow tortured soul
Do you cry at night, do you struggle to belong
Where are you my lost one
my bedroom God
my tiny pleasure, my great rock

You will not laugh at my poems and my ache
You will not be my shrink - we will laugh the pain away

He saved me once and I saved myself
But we could not be, I could not stay
I am floating away...
Tears gather in my skull
Where are you love? You're like a dead limb
You're not here, but I feel your loss

Sad because I lost it again
And I fear what comes next
My well of pain and doubt,
my treadmill - do I need to stop?
I can't give up -
Time, time, time
ticks away like a bomb
My needs they dissolve but never fully gone

You had to leave
I had to let you go of me

And both of them wave me goodbye
And I wave goodbye back. It hurts.
But this is also release
Could not live on the edge of the blade
endlessly
And whatever comes I embrace
now I know things well.

Death is not the end
death is the forethought of life
PS: You are number one, you blow my mind.

[Hey you lover!
No one laughs at me, or my heart, that ugly way -
I felt misunderstood, pushed away - ]

I know you'd hear me blabber about this
but what would you do after it?
Would you think "she's so mad" -which of course I am-
Would you kiss me, would you let me fall apart?

Can you see me?
CAN YOU TWO ******* SEE ME?
The same way I see you, dears?

Can you see my wounds?
Can you lick them - help me to
Normal people - you will be my death
Deep, selfish lover - you will be my end

And where do I run now
the void crushes my soul
No one loves this crazed up lass
Who woke up to life with a notebook in hand

Can you grab me?
Can I grab you?
Can I go further - can you walk too?
Which one of you, if at all you?

And I am again in the verge of tears
oh, sweet glassed man, are you the one?
That's my blessing
that's my curse
I don't want to rot away
why do I do?