I've got a ******* in my bed
I've got a therapist for my wretched head
I want to get away from my parents
but the money does not help
I give good head too, lovers say
(and I am always at the brink of telling it the way it is
or hiding to never be seen)
But I've got my heart broken instead

Polyamory crosses my brain sometimes
to rip out my guts and solve my own life
I am wild as ****: give me a hot kiss that will calm me down!
And I will become your housewife, and will I rot?

I was bullied at 13
and I wrote my heart out because of it
I like girls because I can't run away from
their beautiful **** and forms
but in the end
it's a man's weight I yearn

I am a modern girl, I guess.
I can't help being but myself
A daughter of my time
There are tears and there are pain
There is love and not much hate
Despite all I've seen and felt
There is a hole and a thirst in my veins
And calmness after the rain
always, always there

I am a modern girl
I walk along the city with my girls
and I spend way too much time in the internet
Life rolls like waves
And I have to ride all of them.

Love killed us
Love fed us
Love won't take us
We'll have to hitch a ride

Love never hurt us
but the word stood in the way
I stood on my pain

But the fear is always there
more than pleasure, it's a safe space
Love killed me, it killed everything
that ******* word, obliterating realities
Obstructing the Sun!

Yet love is the only thing we know
all comes from that source
we forgot true love
we got caught up on regulations
on feminist analysis and stuff
on measures and canalizations
forgot the raw fountain of love
now he throws me a ball
to my own thoughts
I am killing myself
only now I am aware
Girls, girls, girls took me away
I took myself away.

I've been spinning in circles
And now I see truth somehow
I refuse the past, though
Yet I can see for miles now
The Magician has thrown me a ball

But this is no good
I've been going misunderstood
I yearned you...but I thought I could
do something apart from you

Anxiety everywhere
filling always the place
Addicted to drama and pain
kept going there for days

Oh! It was hell to be
trapped in between
always thinking of you, thinking of him
This place of despair I filled with chicks
Further falling in
the pit of me

This hole I try to fill
this hole that ***** my morals down
but no shiver comes

Why can't I stop seeing and thinking?
I forgot feeling
I should have known this

This is where dreams get cut at the root
but never die, the seed is alive
This is where it all began
But you can't grow up
You're just a Bonsai girl, stuck

This is where it all died
much before it could start
I can't recognize a single store
but I do remember the places where I broke

I remember the rhythm between life and death
That royal panic attack, me and that girl,
in the room, out of our breath.
Storms about to come, promises going on
I remember being sweet 16 so in love with him
Teachers hating me but wanting me to **** them
(I bet they did, I was the hottest,
and what to say about that cleavage I rocked
at the prom, yet so terrified of warmth)
I remember to kick the closet with a ****** Mary looking at us
Those years where it all shook up

These years where we watched MTV
And yearned to be slutty freedom drunk chicks.
These years of pink pills and being too thin.
These years where we were not free at all -
but we struggled ******* hard
Kissing dudes and breaking rules -
These years that I erased with all my strength
when I erased myself

Blue-eyed dream
tastes like candy, looks so sweet
but my teeth rot because
it's not him

Who invigorates you after the dark
who kisses you in forlorn alleys
who lights up your fire
who do you think of at night -

The dark waters I know
the sweet moments I hold
He's pure light, he's love
Yet something is off

And when the former He I kissed
I simply exploded, fire works in me
He's a dream, I can't even think
but he's a fantasy - it is not real

Who is real, though?
Which is the path I need to take
not to stay in this ache

Oh man you hurt me so much!
I love(d) you so ******* much
But you got stuck, you froze
I got anxious, heavy, lost
But I can't stop thinking about us
Are we called to our Judgement?
Are we the Sun again?
Are we becoming the World?

He's good, he sends some chills
But he is not you, not as quick
the hit!

Love - the word to ban
Love - the thing to work out
Love - the solution, the knot
Carry it in your pocket, run away from love!

I know I have some wrong ways
but so do you, babe

I am at the beach - you are the water
soaking my feet and my legs
and I love it, but ah what comes after
Change something, it can't work other manner
I can't get out from your spell - but your water
has a bitter aftertaste

And here I am, talking to your walls
What am I running after, or running from?
Your kiss, let it rule and ride along
Let it seize, take control
But I can't hide the depth of what you make me feel
I love the ******* as much as the caress

I haven't forgot you a single minute.
Did you, did you?
But I can't go on the way we did
it will surely **** me
And it will **** the ****** flower
we killed ourselves

So again? No, not again
Not ever back there
But your kiss is powerful
like a thunder in the silence
like a furious frenzied tune
in the amidst of noises
that clears up the doubts
that sows thrills and chills
a call from the Devil
or God - I think it's God's

What if I am an alien and this was merely an illusion?
What if I have been there the whole time
my skin still green and my feelings froze
no fireflies

What if I should stay in my room
and dream, dream of the world outside
because as an alien, I will never belong
Not my own

The wounds are all too deep
Being alive is too hurtful a thing

Yet there is a feeling of release
in being human for a while
there is something great
in being a part of this mess
There is beauty in being a part of this
I am all speechless

Poets - all of us aliens
Hands tied but eyes staring at the Sun