Happiness isn't an emotion. It's being with you.

I saw you and I knew right then that this would end with me on my bedroom floor wondering why the constellations were against us.

Isn't it crazy how I have filled almost 3 spirals with thoughts of you when you won't even talk to me or tell me your thoughts.?

Reminding myself  of all the ways you made me feel alive is what is killing me now.

I know you pretend like I don't have pages and pages of poems about other guys.
I know you pretend like I didn't tell you about the time I cheated on my boyfriend last year.
I know you pretend like you didn't hear me throw up in the bathroom down the hall.
I know you pretend like you didn't see the scars on my wrist.
I know you pretend that all the things that aren't perfect about me don't exist and maybe that's why "you and I" will never be "us"

This is really important to me.

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1055967/the-monster-downstairs/

the silence has more to say than I'd like to hear

I've learned a lot in my life. I learned that sometimes all you can do is forgive. I learned that people are not homes and if you make a home out of a person then that's when things start going wrong. I learned that sometimes your best friends aren't the best friends for you. Sometimes you need to accept that and just move on. I learned that it's not about whose been there the longest. Sometimes someone will come into your life. No, not come. Run. Jump.  And sometimes they finally knock some sense into you. I learned that people can't make you happy. Money can't make you happy. Even God can't make you happy. And YOU can make yourself happy. I learned to stop complaining about things you need to do because it takes less time to just do it. I learned to appreciate the small things before they become all you need. Sometimes people that you think will stay will leave. Sometimes people you think will leave will stay. People will always hate you for being you. They will hate you for fitting in or standing out. They will hate you if you're skinny or if your fat or if your tall or if your short or if you wear makeup or if you don't wear makeup. So just be you and live. Because this is your life and it's ending seconds at a time.

I can't explain our relationship. Yes I'm hurting, but I'm happier with you than without you.

the type of boy who drinks a bottle for each of his problems and doesn't realize he's created a whole new one until it's too late.

I'm so tired of crying over you.
I'm so tired of you being here even though you're gone.

Its been so long I'm starting to wonder if I have anything left to say
Its been so long I have an entire new life but here I am again
Here I am running back to the same paper and pen
Running back to write about you.
Its been years. I'm wondering why I'm even thinking about it in the first place.
Maybe its because someone had asked me if I was okay, I said yes.
But what I should've said was I'm trying.
I'm trying. God knows I'm trying.
God knows I'm unraveling.
God knows I'm anxious.

I'm 22 now.
But truthfully I feel like I've been dead since 2014.
I feel like I'm in another person's body.
Just existing.
Because all I remember are the ways you made me feel alive and its killing me.
It's been killing me slowly like a cigarette.
And I keep coming back because I'm addicted because this is the only life I've known.
Eagerly inhaling your secondhand smoke.
I'm afraid I'll waste away like this.
I'm afraid I feel helpless.
I feel trapped in you.
I'm afraid.