We cannot call it my "mind" today.

It's better defined as
a malfunctioning mess
of kaleidoscopic hiccups—
untimed bursts of glitter,
and mismatched shapes.

Curves clash with angles,
overlap, transform, repeat,
until the nonsense makes sense;
until the noise becomes
a soothing hum.

Without warning,
the improper becomes
the most mouthwatering idea
we've had the pleasure to rouse.

Composed of little
ten-second films of us,
bare-skinned in low light,
shifting in tempting tessellations
that bump and spiral
in heightening rhythms
just behind my eyes.

Such thoughts
were never meant
for a box—
rather a shape
more taunted and tantric.  

These.
My wax-dipped daydreams
that do not beg
a single sip of permission.

It was late September
Rain poured
and I drunkenly stumbled into your arms
You spoke of how I smelt of whiskey,
And how I forgot my shoes
You laughed at my slurred words
And drunken honesty
But that was the night we spat out the truth
"I love you"

Walking slowly through your house
***** cars in old plastic
Heavy with rain
She warned me about you
And your
Afflictions
Not your warmth and fierce protection
Over your little sister
And me
(I didn't mention us)
She pointed to the cracks in the walls  imperfect'
may be violent and ******
Like your fists
That are actually beautiful hands unclenched
That hold me and our world together
I just walked on
Kicked up some dust and marched
Past her house of cards
And paper thin memories
Of another time
Another you

When I was little
I could never decide
what I wanted as a topping
for my pancakes.
Now I have to decide
where I want my life to go,
what college I want to go to,
what I want to save up for,
what I want want to be.
I don't want to have
to make all those decisions,
I just want sugar.

I am the child, I am the man
I am the lover, I am the friend
I am the palm of the lending hand
I am the point where we've already been

I am the far next door to the near
I am the calm mixed in with the fear
I am the all in all that's held dear
The very moment when all is made clear

I am the young, I am the old
I am the secret that's been left untold
I am the price of silver and gold
The heat taken from the center of cold

I am the now before its too late
I am the dawn that comes with the break
I am the last of the last give away
I am what you wish you could say

Of course I am you and of course I am me
I am the captive on the brink of being set free
I am all this as well as all these
I am all that I claim to be