there's a strange place in my heart
for people like you
who turn sunny skies gray
and usually i'd call you a man
that has the ability to ruin my life
but not anymore
and i know that each passing day
is just another excuse to walk away
i hope that you can see
the tiny glimmer in my eye
behind rough lies and vindictive words
and i hope when you realize
that i'm better off without you
you'll stop running away
and treat me like i'm not your little girl anymore

I dont know
somehow i find
every other person
except me
happier than myself

they may say
'we've got issues too.'
but i say
i've got severe  problems
even minor ones
attack with
a great intensity

I'm going to turn into
a loner
a psychopath
a *****
a neurotic
and nobody will be
able to do anything about it

only will they realize
when its going to be
too late for treatment
and i'll sit and see
and not utter a word
coz each word of mine
is nothing
but malice,
hurtful.
if i myself,am so miserable,
how do you expect me to
tell you happy words.

i might fake a laugh.
i can try and camouflage my insecurities.
but i dont
promise to
eliminate the from the core.
coz now its inscribed
on my skin
in my mind
in my soul.
The flaws arent my problems.
being talked about
by your own
parents
who claim to be your
only true ,family on earth,
ridiucle you
for minute,ill purposes.

mom,and dad,
now
EVEN YOU?


u n f a i r

When I was in second grade a boy punched me
and I punched him back
until his nose bled on mulch

and ever since then I don’t chase boys
and I do not care for blonde hair anymore

when I was in second grade I would make
homes for fairies in the dirt using
moss and leaves and dandelion stems

when I was in second grade I had a house I could rattle around in
I could sulk like an angry ghost in a house built in 1867

I would wander around in the forest with two boys
I convinced them we should break into old houses
and our neighbors sheds

We created a world of green and vine and stumps
For Christmas one year we decorated a tree

We were the little ones who never wanted to go home
We called ourselves Peter Pan
Because we were never growing up

That was all before I moved
And the last day with them they crowned me Queen

I would climb on the roof at night
and feel the warmth of the sun still lingering there
and that was back when I was scared of what was in my closet

but since then I’ve befriended it

I pledge allegiance to the way
you stare off into the distance.
And to the headaches that you get
when your stress replaces your skull.
Perpetually,
Unconditionally,
without ever a hesitation in my heart.



- LP

it's so easy to talk about loneliness and pain
to romanticize all of these things that i've been feeling
and throw in rhymes here and there

but how do i get myself out of this mess?
how do you fall in love when you're so uncomfortable
with yourself?

it's 5 am again and all i can think of is
how quickly my fingers hover over the keys
and there are people rising but
i still cannot sleep

i am engulfed in sad songs and books and the quotes
in those books that tell me more about myself
than i ever can

(sometimes i wish some dead poets were my friends
and then sometimes i wish i could put on a mask
and masquerade around as another person,
as a stranger even to myself
i feel like i'd be more comfortable then)

tell me, what does it feel like to fall in love?
does it feel like electricity crawling up and down your spine,
like warm fuzzy feelings swirling in your stomach like wine?
and does it last? or do people just pretend?
will i ever find love? or will i be all alone in the end?

i don't i don't i don't

but i am curious
and i want to know

what does it feel like to fall in love with another soul
to know their deepest secrets but still love them
and see the worst parts about them
but that only magnifies the good

what does it feel like when it's 3 am and you can't sleep
and not because you're lonely
but because you're not anymore

what does it feel like to become so vulnerable
that you would let another soul cut open your chest
and let them see everything you've kept hidden

what does it feel like to trust someone so much
you'd let them hold your heart in their hands?

i don't know

but what i do know is everything fades to gray
and people can ruin things and make mistakes

so what does it feel like when it all breaks
when the person you love stabs your heart
and they swear they didn't mean to do it

when they look at you and you look at them
but all you see is boredom seeping through their eyes
and they don't want to kiss you anymore
and the hand they hold yours with feels limp and lifeless

what does it feel like when trust finally turns into a knife
and the person you thought would never hurt you the most
would stab you over and over with all of their lies

what does it feel like when the person you love
begins to grow increasingly distant from you
and you can't do anything but watch
and just hope that maybe you'll get over it soon?

what does it feel like?

i don't want to fall in love

i don't i don't i don't

i got the feeling
i was losing control
felt like i drank
too much wine
or had too much caffeine
in my bloodstream

the walls felt like
they were crashing
down all around me
there was too much air
but i couldn't breathe

you were like
a panic attack
coming on

i hated
every
minute
of it.