i have yet to decide
my favorite vice
they all taste like the same spices

i've been waiting for this night
this very specific particular night
as long as i can remember
since i saw you in december
at first, i was surprised
when your head met my shoulder
and somehow your eyes met mine
it was probably just right place
right time but it felt so perfect
you are so perfect
i still hear your laugh
as everyone was more drunk than
you and i

i found a home in your eyes
where i could remain til i die
the colors that surround us will be
as gorgeous as you are to me

speak to me in a tone
blanket me in the concept
of not being alone
supposed to be in love
it feels like that except
the trust and comfort and other stuff
that makes love…well love

22 years ago you bled for me
in the years that followed you led for me
never once have you fled from me
you would find yourself dead for me
before you would find me hurt
and for that i love you
more than words

my eyelids seem to be obese
yet tonight, under these sheets
i'll wait for sleep to find me
i gave up looking for it a while ago

wake up to the german sun
you might say son, it's all the same one
but i'm no dunce, i know the sun
we've had fun, we were friends once
then i moved away from the states
that made me stay the same and changed

now all i see is his brother
who shines a billion different shades
Of homesick

i hate you.
for lack of a stronger word.

i was busy all morning
organizing thoughts
and upon completion
i dropped the box

i'm digging this sound
deep beneath the ground
asleep with the hounds
i'll keep making my rounds

she seemed to feel the need
to be pretty drunk
to sleep in your bunk
she must not like you that much

with the mentality that i'm
trying to fool myself into believing
i shouldn't care but i do

from the womb
the love you exude
similar to seeking
warmth from the moon

you wake up, you’re angry
the world, you resent it
your moms on ozempic
there’s no one to vent with
the ceiling makes sense
if you stare at it long enough

i want to give you everything
so i sat down
took a deep breath
laid it all out
came to this corny, cliche conclusion
that i would buy you a mirror

no heart and all thumbs
i’m tired of feeling dumb
scarred wrists and empty cup
i’m tired of feeling numb

honestly, it’s not so bad
right now
she’s not mad
right now
he’s not sad
right now
if i don’t think about it

i've been having this problem
ever since i signed next to the X
superiors jealous
because my combover is the best

i miss the days before the flood
when jokes were funny
when pockets held money
when mornings were sunny
instead of nose runny
tears corroding cheeks
deep canyons out of creeks
resentment when we speak
impaled on mountain peaks
stress is a disease
i miss the day we find a vaccine

i’m scared of the future
****** stares through sutures
pirates who don’t understand who you were
Before the scooters with less wheels
Soon we’re dying to try and live
Slippery thighs with lies within
Skinny kids slithering in to the house slytherin
My kids will begin to wither when
Their eyes see the skin their in
You’re working for a scholarship
sent. fist through mirror.

so another weak night
on a weekend, we fight
to stay relevant but i
forgot you're heaven sent
i never meant to say this things

the impending ending in sight
together for one more night
i can't pretend to know
how the rest of the story goes
but i do know this was the best
weekend of my life

when a mountain cascade
was the only face to put with the name
people seemed to care more for what i had to say
this is a sad day

i see things things i don’t mean
and say things that nobody else does
maybe someone with a college degree
can make sense of this digital buzz

a wise man once sang
and the words uttered still remain true
*it's the freakin' weekend
baby i'm bout to have me some fun

i'd rather be caught
in the cold chaos of war
laying in a broken cot
right next to yours
then in a wind blown
to your front porch
and you're not home

you thought yourself so subtle
and follies so few
but to be brutally honest, sweetheart
i've met puddles jealous of you

like ivory split on wooden planks
she whispered to the cloud
thanks
for watering the plant
from the very seeds she planted

an invitation
you called to me in blood red
request denied, *****

i want to build a castle
that will house all the arousing
words you throw around without
knowing where any of them are going
now you leave me no doubt
that your blouse will have found
it's own way to the ground
by the end of the night

while i lay in bed, watching episodes
of the office for the seventh time
you and him stand in the mountains
firing a high caliber weapon
at silhouette targets that might as well be me

***** sheets
nights on repeat
lack of sleep
excess energy
my own enemy

i’ll meet you where you might meet me
sandy scales of ocean water become your feet
the only memories of us I felt worthy to keep
skinny jeans and anxiety in corpus christi
you made me forget myself on the beach

you died upon that pedestal
because i wouldn't let you down
until you stopped being beautiful

kindly whispered
the pale night's sun
*go to sleep, delusional one

I'm beyond me
Beating myself for being myself
And then beating me again

my head is a lava lamp

my eyes meet your baby blue gaze
“nice to meet your face”, they say
my heart keeps a pace
adjacent to a train racing
to replace itself and sound and light
and if he attacks me
i hope it is not tonight

like a doctor's list of patients
with obsessive compulsive disorder
filed alphabetically over and over and over

slave
to the skinny white
staying by the wall
all night

i don't want to be around
for anything other than
to make you feel better
than you do right now

i've always denied
the offered ride
i'm not sure why
perhaps it's pride
that makes me hide
and shy away
everytime i hear a stranger say
*hey, need a lift?

your. possessive.
you're possessed

it's hard to find anything these days
in a world where it seems everyone is so
happily engaged to be engaged

evasive sleep
i’ve been awake since three
i pray the way i’m thinking of you
is the same you’re dreaming of me

in this hall of women
stripping to get money
to pay their groceries
to eat i found love

when i tried to make sense
of who's who and what's what
unfortunately, you didn't make the cut
regardless of your cute ****