i'm losing it
trying too hard
this beach house
is overcome with waves of praise and solipsistic rage

like a doctor's list of patients
with obsessive compulsive disorder
filed alphabetically over and over and over

wistfully washed away
i am sanctified in silence
********
*******
*******

while i lay in bed, watching episodes
of the office for the seventh time
you and him stand in the mountains
firing a high caliber weapon
at silhouette targets that might as well be me

you hold my attention
for ransom, long after
you've walked away
your laughter lingers
dancing on my fingers
in a way that's so seductive
i forget everything i learned in school
whenever your name is mentioned
if only i was lucky enough
to be cursed with dementia

time seems to have become aware
of my awareness
perhaps, it's her insecurities that make
her slow down while i'm watching in awe-inspired wonderment

everything starts to make sense now
as fatigue takes its seat next to delusion
if i can't sleep, no one can
these hallways bang on pots and pans

i am getting angry
with each invisible, wasted second
leaving on an indefinite vacation

oh, how the floor boards creak
they screeched words like
ooooh this place is either haunted or old
and
yeaah you should be startled
but i'm not
i'm brave
i have the heart of a lion
you're my light in this cave

we could call this chapter silhouette
it slips beneath the stairs at night
and in the morning, wakes up abruptly
without warning
without a blanket
without anything
wearing my monday best
she rolls over and whispers
with lips like an anesthetic
*if you don't die
then i might

i'm trying so hard to keep up
please believe i am
but the way you move is like lightning
within millionths of a second
striking the ground and caressing
every rain drop on your way down

the ticking has grown to be quite a nuisance
begging the muscles in my arm
to introduce the bones in my hand
to the face of the clock

i'm drunk with this now
yet not a single drop has
touched my filthy mouth

if i shiver
it's not from the brisk wind
if i twitch
its not from withdrawals
if i flinch
it's not from an abusive step parent
if i stutter
it's not from gynophobia
if i blush
it's not cause i was standing in the sun

there's been a terrible accident
it's mangled and unrecognizable
and bleeding out

you about to smoke your life away?
one cigarette at a time, he replies
well at least, he's thinking rationally

where asphalt meets paper mache hearts
i'll stand amongst the cattle with a loaded
deck of cards. at the corner of content and 35th
watch me make money off of people who
don't have it and laugh at cabbage patch
kids in their graphic deaths
their parents' massive debts is probably the problem

she was the flame that ignited him
from a sapling to a beautiful oak
but when he grows too close to her
he catches the fire she emits
and they both pass impetuously

he knows this is inevitable
so he waits until autumn
and prays his leaves will escape
from her burning passion
and shape the tale taped to their backs

it's a little bit like
waiting for your mom to pick you up
and then you see her car
but it turns out to be someone else with the same car

i set out to exercise
or exorcise the demons
of the weekend
they were sleeping
they thought they got away with it
what i found in the
earliest hours of the day
was the world glazed
over with golden rays
that say good morning
to the joy and love
and hate hiding in the shade
and scares them all away
as they disperse with the shadows

i want to give you everything
so i sat down
took a deep breath
laid it all out
came to this corny, cliche conclusion
that i would buy you a mirror

she hung, crucified if you must
she died and then was brought back to life
they'll call it witchcraft
they'll never believe us
*what if we told them your name was Jesus?

inhale.
a pale pail
sent through the mail
exhale.
inside written in braille
the crucial details on a sail
and a crudely drawn picture of a whale
they were on sale
we were derailed from the start
but my next tale will not fail
to impale your ailing heart

when i tried to make sense
of who's who and what's what
unfortunately, you didn't make the cut
regardless of your cute ****

that there is someone out there for everyone
is the greatest lie we choose to believe

underneath the thick layer of lust
exists a thicker layer of something more
i'm not like the others
he pleads
she doesn't believe
she hasn't for a while
she is too scarred to walk through the hallway
and open the door that contains what's true
i don't want to *******
he just wants to peel back the scabs

i wonder if her eyes can listen
because they can sure as hell talk

look how their eyes follow your every move
dead, judging eyes telling you you're wrong
their insolence rotting your bones down to the marrow
the lies you told
the things you stole
all reanimated in this
hallway of souls

all that my receptors are picking up
is the smell of stale cigarettes
the taste of sleepy time tea
and you, the most important of the three

feet making love to the pavement
as the stars above make a statement
telling us we should go home
but oh no, the night's too young
and the alcohol is too strong

we walked back
four miles up hill
we almost got lost in the thrill

those aren't skinny jeans
she painted them on
just like her smile
and every other emotion she dawns

these shoes
were battered and bruise
far before my feet called them home

my biggest fear
right behind clowns and dying alone
is that you would say yes
because you thought you had to

why the **** do you want to be friends all of a sudden?
what kind of ******* fool do you take me for?
maybe you're trying to get close
so you can memorize my strategies
and use it against me.
or did you just want to show off the
stupid giant ******* teddy bear you won
well congrats, i hope it animates and kills you in your sleep

since birth i've been plagued with this brutal honesty
that people beg for but then return
with receipt when they don't like the way it works

i can be a dancer
for the right price

feverishly i
check my inbox for any
sign you are still here

i'm very aware
of the more romantic path
right now, i don't care

in this black room
i see a red and two greens
and a yellow under the door
and an orange being nosey through the window

if i was a book
the story would be boring
but you'd love the end

there was a quaint town
the bricks laced with ecstasy
burned it to the ground

you, who arrived at my heart's yard sale
on some magnificent beast of
compassion and understanding,
bought everything in sight
and made me the richest man alive

to disappear.
lying among the melancholy pages
with thoughts of paradise doing a waltz
in a ballroom called action that's
fighting to keep that name
i rolled over in my slumber
with hope that i would dream your face
cause i have a proposal i've been    
meaning to propose
let me take you away from this place

the moon orbits around the world
worshipping it, loving it
believing his shine to be her pensive absorption
while the sun has been present since the very beginning
knowing the truth

there's these memories just floating
around like puzzle pieces that have
been cut into smaller puzzle pieces
each piece now a puzzle in and of itself

she exchanged heartfelt hugs
with her friends and i had no clue why.
i wanted so bad for her
to just stand next to me one more time

i didn't even get her name

she stood at the pool table
black shirt, black jacket, black pants
black happiness
but i saw a glow.
bright white, blinding almost
from the second she walked into
this modest german bar
sold out to service us.
i sat in the corner wishing i could think
of anything that would make her believe
i wasn't just another
finally we told lies together
of our birthplace "frankfurt"
according to witness accounts
witnesses being her only friend
with her on this tragic night for me,
i was too much like the last guy

tonight
i may have fallen in love with a stripper