I remember leaving
I'll not forget the in between
There's nothing in the world
Can erase the things I've seen

But, today I got my papers
got a call upon my phone
My duty now is over
and I am coming home

I've missed a lot
since I've been gone
I've never seen my son
I've never held him in my arms
I missed seeing him turn one

coming home my time is over
coming home my time is through
coming home to be a father
and a husband dear, to you
coming home a tired soldier
coming home but, not the same
coming home to be a person
I'm not a rank and a last name


I missed his second birthday too
But, I won't miss any more
I wasn't there when he turned three years old
But, I'll be there when he turns four

Things have changed
Things will be new
I know this will be tough
I can only promise that I'll try
And hope that  it will be enough

I've thought about you every day
You're in my heart and soul
I'm coming home to you my love
And then together, we'll be whole

coming home my time is over
coming home my time is through
coming home to be a father
and a husband dear, to you
coming home a tired soldier
coming home but, not the same
coming home to be a person
I'm not a rank and a last name

I want to tell you not to make my mistake.
I want to tell you not to build walls. You pick up brick by brick, hiding yourself in the structure you've created. You feel safe until you realize you are left alone, trapped in the cage you built to be a home, standing in darkness and suffocating among walls that won't reach out to help you.
I want to tell you I understand.
I want to tell you that I often draw up blueprints for my home. When the world gets too close to me, I sketch tall ceilings above strong walls. I plan elaborate architecture. I sketch large windows that allow for sun-drenched rooms and put details on tall towers until I have a magnificent mansion, knowing all along that it's just a clever disguise for the cage I must never let myself enter. Once you go in, it's very hard to break down the walls.
I want to tell you to give up your bricks.
I want to tell you that you will feel better when you let them go. When things are hard, your hands will twitch until you grab your drafting pen, you'll still set out sheets of paper and start thinking about your walls, but you'll feel better knowing you're only making plans. I know the bricks are heavy, but you don't have to move them alone. I want to tell you to ask for help.
I want to tell you to let Him carry them away.
I want to tell you to let them go.
I want to tell you to stop pretending.
I want to tell you everything will be okay.
I hope you can hear me through your walls.
I don't think you can.

I wanted my passion back..
This was who I was, and I wanted her to visit.
Even for a brief moment, so I can kiss myself on the forehead upon my return.
And actually say goodbye when she decided to leave.
I wanted her back.
My passion.
I wanted my poetry.. Back.
She fled from me.
Lost underneath the city sky, with false illumination from street cars named desire.
There was no North Star for her to follow, no way for her to venture back to my heart.
Like a turtle needing the moon to be led to the sea, I doubted she would ever make it back home
Extinction was the roughest of all possibilities but to mourn the loss of a love held selfish tendencies
I only missed her cause of how she made me feel not because of who she was or who she could have been
The manifestation of my pent up frustration came to set me free
Just pull the trigger
Nobody will miss her
Oh say can you see- what I am saying?
All I wanted was my passion back.
And it wasn't until I found G-d that I heard three knocks on the door saying

Here
I
Am

You've just been gone a dozen days
And I've not been to sleep
The bed is just not comfortable
Without you there to keep

I've taken your old Harley shirt
And I keep it by my head
The scent of you still lingers there
Since I can't have you instead

I miss the presence of your spirit
And it's something I won't find
I lie here with my memories
Of your smile in my mind

The house it seems much smaller
In the time that you've been gone
It's just that you are missing
That's the only thing that's wrong

I know you're coming back to me
And until I see you once more
I'll be sleeping with your t-shirt here
Until you burst on through that door

I've taken your old Harley shirt
And I keep it by my head
The scent of you still lingers there
Since I can't have you instead

It's been six months since you went away
And you'll be home today
You don't know how my heart misses you
There's no words for me to say

I love you more than you could know
I see the sunshine in your eyes
But when you're gone, I'm not the same
I'm still me, but in disguise

You can have back your old Harley shirt
That I've slept with by my head
Because tonight you're home and here with me
And we can both now share our bed

I don't know how it started

But it's an annual event

But I don't think that an egg hunt

Is the best way to present

The story of our saviour

Chocolate eggs you go and find

I don't think that's the image

That the church wants in our mind

Every year since I was little

Our family made a choice

Either host the Easter Dinner

Or go hunting for eggs and toys

This year we chose the egg hunt

It was better than the meal

But our egg hunt went all wonky

In fact it all was so surreal

Most years twenty people

Showed to hunt about the yard

so setting out some easter eggs

Didn't seem so hard

But this  year, thanks to facebook

People showed up by the score

When all was done the count was

One hundred twenty four.

With that many people coming

A family meeting then took place

One hundred twenty four people

This was way off base

With Uncles, Aunts and cousins

Grandparents and the rest

some new plans would be needed

to execute this test

I thought about logistics

There was only so much yard

To run an easter egg hunt

Was going to be hard

I checked the list of children

Eighty seven kids or so

But I said that we would host it

So I could not tell them no

I called up all the Uncles

Told them come around to plan

They all showed up as suggested

All fourteen, to a man

We needed eggs and then some

Chocolate, mallow...every kind

We had to hit the stores fast

We had to buy up every kind

Baskets, ribbons, bows and stuff

stuffed rabbits, all they had

We had near ninety children

And we could not have them sad

We drank and set agendas

We all planned out our attack

They would all come out before hand

And the goodies, we'd unpack

The women met as well though

Dying eggs would be their task

They got 100 dozen large eggs

and some colouring to mask

The last time plans were handled

on a scale as big as this

Was on D-Day for the Allies

And we knew that didn't miss

We had crepe paper for streamers

Balloons and chocolate logs

but the one thing we'd forgotten

We also had twelve dogs

We had to keep them busy

While we figured out just how

We were going to hide all of our presents

And we had to figure NOW!

We called up to the kennel

To book them all in for the night

But, they didn't have the space so

We'd have to make do with our plight

Two days before Good Friday

All the parents showed to meet

We would plan and hide the goodies

We would all be so discreet

We would hide the eggs on Friday

While the kids all went to pray

Then we'd come back here  for dinner

And we'd finish Saturday

It was easy, a no brainer

We would pull it off....with ease

It would take great execution

And the children would be pleased

On Friday night they all arrived

And were given tasks we all could handle

We all went out to the yard to hide

The eggs, by lighted candle

We stuck them up in trees and then

In bushes by our gnomes

We hid them in the veggie patch

We hid them in our home

When finished we'd put eggs and toys

Of every shape and size

We were all so ****** tired

We could barely blink our eyes

The next day all our work  was shot

When we went outside to see

That night after we'd finished

Some raccoons came out of the tree

twelve hundred eggs and four raccoons

Two skunks and nineteen rats

Decided that they like out smorgasbord

And to them then...that was that

Hard boiled eggs of every size

For them to come and eat

After surveying the damage

We vowed we'd not be beat

We set to work and dyed more eggs

another nine hundred in all

We sent all of the mothers out

To buy gifts at the mall

We'd lay them out before the hunt

We didn't care when they got hid

We had to have an easter game

For eighty seven kids

We strung the streamers through the house

We wrapped the willow tree

It looked just like "The Party Place"

Had blown up...just for me

We put balloons up everywhere

The kids would be surprised

Uncle Jack would wear a bunny suit

It was a good disguise

With lots of work and alcohol

We'd get this egg hunt done

And come hell or come high water

The children would have fun

On Sunday they came back from Church

And I want you all to know

That we had a real nice dinner

For we overlooked the snow

While sitting in the church pews

Hearing tales of Easters Past

A storm came in so vicious

And it came in really fast

By the time we'd reached the garden

There was one foot on the ground

It had snuck up on us quickly

And it didn't make a sound

So the egg hunt never came about

We took them out for lunch

It'll be our last time trying this

At least that is my hunch

If it comes down to a choice now

To ever utilize my home

For an egg hunt here at Easter

I won't answer the phone!

I took a break behind the bar
Just resting on a beat up car
Strumming on my old guitar
And she came walking by

Playing music in the night
With only me in the moonlight
I saw her moving to my right
The third time she came by

I play music to the air
It's nice that no ones there
It's not something that I share
It's for me, the moon, the stars

she sat down with out a sound
she sat cross legged on the ground
there was no one else around
I now played my song for one

I watched her as she closed her eyes
beneath the moon and starry sky
I wonder if she'd realized
my singing now was done

she came out to hear me play
almost every single day
this was the first time she did stay
and I made sure that she heard

the songs I sang in broken parts
were songs of love and broken hearts
but to love, you must fall to start
and that was in my words

she never said a thing to me
she'd come on out where I could see
and I give a show for free
but it never grew from there

time has passed and I still play
the girl has grown and gone away
I sometimes wonder where she is today
and if she wonders...

your image fades from mind
as the sun sets to a black sky and
I wonder if you meant what you said,
I wonder if I really want you to mean it,
I wonder if, sitting here in the dark,
I think I am in reach of something
that is no longer there

Do you live your life through movies?
Through good music or through books?
Do you fashion how you live your life
By how another looks?
Are you trendy or a classic?
Never straying from the line
Do you change your hairdo weekly
Well, if you do....that's fine
Self image is a fickle beast
It's one we can't control
As one listens to classical
Someone else likes rock and roll
Do you wish the life you see up
on the giant movie screen
Is the one that you are living
Or are you living in between?
do you want to be a rock star?
Live your life out on the road
Or are you happy being where you are
Quite content to haul your load
Do you want to pack and travel
To places that you've read
Do you want to go and meet folks
From the past and now long dead ?
Do you dress like someone famous
From a brand new magazine
Do you steal phrases from the movies
From your favourite actors scenes ?
Are you a follower or a leader?
Or are you still one who's not sure?
Is your form of self expression
Locked behind a steel tight door?
Are you silent or are you noisy?
Must you be the one who's on
Or are you the wallflower in the corner
The one not missed when they are gone?
When you read does your mind wander
To a place you won't return
Or does it take you to the precipice
Where you turn once you have learned?
Do you have imaginiation?
Or do you think you've no ideas?
Do your thoughts all die of loneliness?
Are they blocked out by your fears?
If a movie helps you come alive
And the music makes you dance
Imagine what your mind could do
If you just gave it a chance
Plant a seed and watch it grow up
Take a chance and make that leap
Step out front and be the leader
Not in back where you just creep
Be the one who sings the music
Makes the movie, writes the book
Break out your imagination
Be where other people look
Are you one who lives through movies?
Thorough a book or in a song?
Break the mould and be the artist
Be good or bad...it won't be wrong.

There are pictures of naked bodies
Bouncing from one cell tower to a different cell tower.
We live in a world where technology allows us
To see each other’s bodies long before we ever
Climb under blankets and have the privilege
Of exploring one’s anatomy in the comfort of the dark
Instead of through the mirror of a small bathroom
Where if you’re lucky, she might have included her face.
It’s too bad the boy or girl she sends it to still won’t know
The color of her eyes or that she scrunches her nose
When she’s mad or that she has the deepest dimples when she laughs.
Your body is more than just a screenshot that the receiver will take.
It’s more than ******* in the extra bit of sand
Inside the hour glass of your flesh covered skeleton.
It’s more than standing a little taller, arching your back
So that the cage of ribs protecting your heart show through
The lens of the camera.
Your body is more than turning to the left, then turning to the right
Because you’re trying to find an angle that makes you seem even thinner.
There are boys who only know how to love you as they hold their phone
With your picture in their eyes and their hand touching their own body
When they could be touching yours.
Do not allow a boy to love you through a picture because if a real man
Wants to love you, he won’t ask to see your naked anatomy before
First seeing your face and knowing that your eyes are blue,
That when you laugh, your dimples grow as deep as the Grand Canyon.
Do not allow yourself to let a boy love you through a picture that’s
Bounced from one cell tower to a different cell tower.

I think back to the sixties
taking charge of our new  life
two hippies lost in limbo
that's when I took you as my wife

we grew up very quickly
the time to play was done
we sold out and got established
now that we weren't two but one

I close my eyes just to focus
I close my eyes to make you clear
I close my eyes so I remember
I close my eyes to bring you near
I close my eyes and wer'e together
I close my eyes so I can see
I close my eyes because I miss you
I close my eyes , once more we're we

we hit the disco era running
more run away than run toward
on every street there was a prophet
selling the new word of the lord

the beatles quit and that was tragic
elvis died and that was worse
our music wasn't just evolving
our music was leaving in a hearse

I close my eyes just to focus
I close my eyes to make you clear
I close my eyes so I remember
I close my eyes to bring you near
I close my eyes and wer'e together
I close my eyes so I can see
I close my eyes because I miss you
I close my eyes , once more we're we

the eighties was about consumption
we took *******, like all the rest
you were judged by your possessions
to have the most made you the best

in the nineties things were different
our lives were both put deep on hold
the doctor called and said a tumor
I remember all I felt was cold


I close my eyes just to focus
I close my eyes to make you clear
I close my eyes so I remember
I close my eyes to bring you near
I close my eyes and wer'e together
I close my eyes so I can see
I close my eyes because I miss you
I close my eyes , once more we're we

decades no longer counted
time went by just day by day
stage four was the conclusion
I mean what else was there to say

I lost you late that summer
you passed away after a fight
you battled hard to keep on living
before you ventured to the light

I close my eyes just to focus
I close my eyes to make you clear
I close my eyes so I remember
I close my eyes to bring you near
I close my eyes and wer'e together
I close my eyes so I can see
I close my eyes because I miss you
I close my eyes , once more we're we

I have the pictures to remind me
but, you are clearer to me when
I close my eyes, let my mind wander
I go back now to way back then

I can't describe you to another
unless I see you in my mind
I close my eyes and I am happy
my life is better when i'm blind

I close my eyes just to focus
I close my eyes to make you clear
I close my eyes so I remember
I close my eyes to bring you near
I close my eyes and wer'e together
I close my eyes so I can see
I close my eyes because I miss you
I close my eyes , once more we're we

The first night you stayed in my bed until the sun rose the next morning,
I was afraid to fall asleep out of fear that you wouldn’t be by my side
When I awoke the next day.
I lay on my side, you on your back, and my cheek on your bare chest.
I listened to your heartbeat like a loud lullaby trying to pull me to sleep.
I watched your eyelids, waiting for them to crack to see if I had fallen to slumber
But they never did.
Your chest elevated up and parachuted down in a perfect sync
With the heartbeat drumming in my ear.
Occasionally, I walked my fingertips softly up your chest as if your body were a mountain
And my fingers were hikers exploring your beauty and landscape.

I am trying too hard to be a deadly fire
or an unspeakable storm,
I am trying too hard to be angry
and unlovable
though I know I am neither
I am trying too hard
to be chaotic and indestructible
trying to create coldness and bitterness
even though I know that flaws are human
and unconditional love exists.
There is artful beauty in the aftermath of mistakes,
you just have to find it.