thorns poke my heart where roses grow
roses I grew by myself.
roses that blend with blood
they spin and twist around
tighter around my heart they pull
thorns slice the heart till red cascades down
they thrive on depression
tears water the roots
hope creates the petals

I would like to believe this to be true
My heart has been longing for such
But im scared
Not for me
But for whatever beauty decided to take a chance on me
My soul that’s been awfully quiet
Whispers
You should have a good woman
But I’m plagued with the thought
Should a good woman have you
The answer is no
While most people carry baggage
I pull loads
Inside I’m cold
Permanently a blizzard blows
My heart is a black hole
Lord knows the affect I would have on you
I’d emotionally **** you
Change you without your consent
Ripped you if your joy
And fill you with resentment
But I cannot lie
I couldn’t hurt a fly
I’m just so damaged inside
It would take a miracle to repair me
The pain I carry is so heavy
I’d hurt you
Just because I’m hurting
Am I worth the risk
Yes
But who would be willing to give up themselves
Just to save me
And if that’s the price you’d have to pay
I good woman does not deserve me

And try to light em underneath an ocean's worth of crude oil
      That is forcing it's way into my lungs
            My high hopes hung their heads in the past as they waited to be hanged

               But now the concept of life felt empty and displayed itself as a delay
        A casual lack of oxygen shut off all process in the brain

                 And we are on our way.


~spark~           
                            

                      in the depths
              And the darkness fades to grey,
           **A less ambivalent shade.

You think you’ve broken me down
that I’ll never stand again,
you think with hateful words
you’ve landed the big win.
So you think you know me…
I’m a pushover because I’m kind
don’t underestimate,
I actually have a powerful mind!
You don’t know the whole of it
and never, you truly will,
unlike you, I could never hurt another
out of hatefulness or thrill!
You are powerful with judgment
and you think you give a great show,
so go ahead, pick up that rock
give it a good hard throw!
But, remember this sweetheart
actually, it’s something you should know,
karma pays back in triple
YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!
I’d tread a little more lightly
if I were YOU,
all that hatefulness you put out
well, eventually darlin,
that bills gonna come due!
~

Beyond my faded skin is more than you can see
Beyond my glassy eyes is more than you can know
Beyond my broken frame is more than you can understand

You don't look beyond
You think you know
You don't really understand

All you see is my crumbling skin
All you know are my foggy eyes
All you understand are my collapsing bones

You don't take the time to look beyond

here is a cup of fog
mix it well
with melancholy
spoon in a bit
of saccharine ---
indigestible sentiment ---
and blend it all
together

take this tablespoon of
creative fire
douse it with
unrelenting tears
repress it into a ball
then let it stand,
covered,
that the yeast of
sorrow may bloom

when doubled,
punch it down to
bloom again

punch
bloom
punch
bloom

work the dough of Life
to death
form it into a blob
put it into the cold fire of the ego’s
oven
leave it there to burn away
to nothing edible

serve it in hard chunks
on delicate china
and --- wait
trust that the teaspoon of
Love added at the last minute
will be enough


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater