I am not me like what you want me to be
        I am here like you always wanted me to be
How could I ever be me, the me I want to be

I’m tired of you, tired of crying in the dark.
pretending at the park
                - watching people talk with voices that barks
I feared it will spark an awful reaction stark
So I build an ark -
Sailed away into far,
                      far - dream land
where prejudice & judgment is not in our hands
but in the all caring higher being's commands.

Then again reality is never like that,
So I hide, I stumble, and I fall
     into the gray solace of my patience
The higher being cares, yet you need choices
to stay strong - fight and survived
                        until blessings comes along
                                and heal the dying soulful song.

© 2013

It's the coward way out, it's a mind set. It's not that we aren't strong it's everything around us has come against us. The light in our eyes and heart has faded into a small glimmer from time to time. A once smiling, giggling, worry free kid is now frowned upon for thoughts that aren't "normal". It's not normal because the situation doesn't happen to all of us, that does not make sense. We are all snowflakes made the same but so very different, we acknowledge that we don't look the same, why can't we acknowledge we all do not think the same.

I love the idea of healing,
But I'm not just suffering from symptoms,
I am the sickness,
Punching myself black and blue,
Refusing to stop until I'm soaking red.
I'm better off suffering from the thing that kills me,
Than cutting away parts of me until useless fragments remain.
Like the captain that goes down with his ship,
I will never see salvation from this point onward.
This disease has seeped into my cells
And now I'm more sickness than human.
If I took away the biggest part of me,
What would I be left with, but emptiness?

11 past midnight and you're still here

Through the looking glass you stood near

Like little Alice who fell in the hole

Falling down, your heart will never be whole

Hooded eyes reflected mine

As cold tears glisten and shine

What did you see in that broken mirror?

A look of candid happiness or pure terror?

We dreamt less, but we dreamt together

And only in our dreams we could see each other clearer

But such rendezvous will not last

When nighttime decided to end it so fast

We were not bound by that red string of fate

We are not even what they call as soulmate

For the two of us were just blinded by love

Which no matter what, we can't have

So through this delusion we can not succumb

Till we breath our last, we'll bring it to the tomb

Until Moirai took pity and give us a chance

Let's continue this endless fakery dance

I’m small enough to cry for those with frozen teardrops
who can’t get up off the side of the road to die in peace
So I'll abide in this polar freezing cold silent deliverance
where a  hollow warmth  hides the tears that  aren't for
cryin’ alone

There’s a bitter arctic wind blows right through the tree trunks
there’s no shelter leaning on the dream of the leeward other side
This winter isolation grasps on impatient pieces of frayed light
like hope a mustard sized seed of shine may move venerable
mountain peaks

Who ever knows how long salvation lasts ? They said he died
sleeping on a cardboard  comforter and blue  plastic tarp duvet;
a holey old coat stained with all what went wrong in life …
And .., I feel a sickening guilt of a warming fire's thickening
smoke

The chimney’s icicles drip an angel’s frozen teardrops
But .., I can’t find no heaven in this big ol’ world ...


                                           *wild is the wind ... January 4th, 2017