i hope  she thinks of you
when the sun shines
in her morning window
and when the moon is full at night
i hope is your face what comes to her mind

when beautiful songs play on the radio
i hope she wants to share them with you
cause i know music is like therapy to you

i hope she thinks of you
before closing her eyes at night
and in her dreams she kisses you
a billion times
i hope she smiles at your picture in b&w;
that she sees all the beauty you carry
inside,
outside.

i hope she talks with you
and she wonders if you're feeling all right
if you had lunch
if you sleep enough
if you rest at night
i hope she asks you about your fears
and dreams
i hope she's there for you
when pain hits you the worst.

i hope she doesn't hurt you.

i hope she gives you the happiness
i could never bring to you
i hope she cares about you
at least as much
as i do.

i hope she loves you

I drew a circle
On the map
On the steps
Of my flat
A place of
Serenity
Virtue and
Peace. I knew
Before this
Place of seats.
A seat to sit on,
Became recommenced,
Perched on a tree
In a lovely breeze,
High sprung I rung
Past the old self of
M
E.
Taking notes
Learning
Lessons.
Keeping memories
Of morning blessings,
Putting away in a casket
The fears and questions,
Now again I feel caressing.

I just nodded my head
Gave him the gracias he
Wanted, went off to bed
I felt dead
Unwanted.

He went off
With another, I'm here
I needed a friend
He left me to tear's.
They say time
Can heal all wound's,
Though why did you go
To her? The wrong move.
Your woman here loved you
I was thrown to your back outing
Who am I to you
A slutty girl shouting?
I'm not your others
Though you contend you are the best man for me
I was stunned to notice
Your just
A fool
Like me.

Suzanne
I rode your car
But, it was too fast for me
You say you'd like me to feed your trees
Then, take your hat off sister
If you please
I told you about Elvis, *** bars, and kings
But you didn't want
To listen
Had to fight your own wars
Bragg about
Your male ******
So, come here now
Girl, knock down your trees
And you can come here
Doll, just listen to me
So, won't you come here doll
And listen to me
You can come here
Now, to feed the trees  
Suzanne
I rode your car
But, it was too fast for me

Frozen behind a weary mind
Thoughts like a blizzard of pain
Unable to be sorted
Unwilling to be tamed
Helpless, left to ramble
At peace from without
Tumultuous within
Life passes while standing still
Loved and Alone
Smoke chokes lungs
Sun burns eyes
Stillness in body
Burning soul steeped in pain
Wings bound by fear
Brittle from the war
With heart and mind
To languid to move
Motivated only to disappear
I can see in through a window
I can feel from across the room
But the sensation of life
The will to fight
Has all but disappeared
A ghost in the real world
Filled with the pain
Of the memory
Of love

Can't. Won't. Will not.
I see you there. My weakness.
You aren't always there. You pick
And You choose.
Heart bump. Instagram. Dread.
Same old game. Can't grow up. Can not move on. You're always there. Waiting.
Apathy. Desire. Fear. Loathing.
A cycle of reincarnation. An atheist Buddha. The same life. Feeling new by it's blistening intensity. Just raw.
Festering and sterile.
I do blame You. For everything. But I won't walk away from You. Depression is obsession.  I'm consumed by You.
Cold. Can't see. Can't think. Blood moving eerily. Playing Axis and allies. Can't speak.
You hit me the morning after. I don't like myself. I'm late for work. Again. I dissapointed my Father. Again. I Made bad decisions. Again. Even this sick soliloquy, is  no therapy for me anymore. You watch me. You'll stay for a while. Your face is painfully expressionless. Your eyes dull. You'll be back again. Like the cold winds and goosebumps. One leading to another. Fading, for only a while. If I make it this time I'll see you on the other side.
And if not, at least I'll, go in the light. Even if hell fire is all I right.
Maybe You'll be there waiting. And you won't ever go. I'd miss you. I'd miss you so.

one day the rain didn't come
her suicide note read,
i'm sorry i was nothing more than a life of falling

My heart pulsed
When he walked into the room,
The way it only used to do for you.

Madmen and lovers have such seething brains
Inspired and insipid they feel their pains
Madmen, their imagination bleeding into fact
Lovers, past the point of no turning back
Inspired to create anew
Insipid in what they are required to do
Madmen and lovers dream the same dreams
They know nothing is as it seems