I would be lying if I said I didn't check up on you. In the zodiacs, in the memoirs in my room, in my dreams. I can't deny anything I had ever done to make you unhappy, but I can tell this truth right now, *before I go to bed.

He steps outside his house: does
not scream his defiance: therefore
not the portrait his long legs suggest.
Speaking mumbles to lawn ornaments
who see him only with painted eyes.
Ears forever closed: he does not
understand the silence. He prowls
in steps of measured distance:
waiting for the rain to tumble.

When it comes, it comes in trembles
of resistance. He understands he
must never get wet: must continue
to dry his towel under the dew of
morning. He paces the sidewalks
opening his ears to the fruit of
flapping leaves. In minutes he will
glow with the safety of ceasing to
exist: time transforming his created
distances. There are always static
murmurs which tingle his shallow skin.

He stops his feelings.
They ******* his beams of light.
"Pretend", he exclaims, "just pretend."
That the children have not gone,
or
that
his
marriage fell apart.
"I will not be a spectre of
fallen expectations." he
moans to the skies.
Groaning tissues mutate
into flagons of bitter brew.
Next
comes
the
message.
"I will not hear it."
He is firm in his plan.
Determined in his goals.
A man is a man if he
provides the guise of strength.
Who has ordained this?
Broken eggshells
scattered about him.
His testament, his truth.
"Am I forgiven?"
he asks in bewilderment.
Forgiven by friends, and family,
for
every transgression
completed.
Backwards are fables
mingled with
lost causes.
Resentments.
Forward is
amphibious,
not negotiable,
set in iron.
"I will stay forever
travelling
in the stars
above my head."
This his proclamation.

Now he can rest in peace.

Sitting on the floor because I don't like the fall
I only gave the illusion I was up, but it's here I've been after all
I try to trick myself into thinking I feel grand
It was my confusion, it was my plan
But it didn't work, hell the truth is I can't even stand
The true is I'll always be ******
But I do try to enjoy just a few comforts
Amongest all the hurts
A fresh cup of coffee, the smell of bacon
On the stove top frying and making
A cuddle with my dog, by the way her name is Pig.
I loved the movie "Babe" and "That'll do pig"
I have a twisted mind which is quiet an accomplishment
Considering the world wanted it shattered not bent
But I don't want your hand I'm quite content
On the floor here where I sit
For if I stand to tall
There will inevitably be that nasty fall
And just one more time and I may not be able to come back at all

As I sit atop this Appalachian mountain
Watching the sun rise
Seeing lights reflection dance on the lake
Nature's bounty dazzles my eyes
The cardinal nests in a tree beside
He too, waits for the morning star
Being so close to the sky above
Making heaven seem not so far
Winters frost makes everything shine
As it has covered the frozen ground
Like an Angel has come straight from above
And thrown glitter all around
The moon says her daily goodbye
Slowly starts to fade away
And behold, the sun peeking over the horizon
Ready to light the day

As the sun creases my eyes open
It ignites, starts an explosion
It continues the erosion
Inside my head
It all turns red
It's where it's bled

I shake the cobwebs from my head
Looking into the future with dread
New tragic things will come my way
Try as I might to keep it all at bay

The residue from last night's dream
The echo of my screams
The bright warm sunbeams
Can not chase away
The thoughts of the day
Where my demon play

I live a life where smiles are miracles
Happiness is only mythical
It all leaves me cold and miserable
Guess that's why I'm so cynical
All I really want is a life that's livable

Do not question my sanity for I have but none.
Do not ask me to hope for I have but none.
Do not ask me to look for better days because there are but none.
Do not ask me to live because I have but very few reasons too.
Do not ask me.

Do tell me to **** myself.
Do tell me all of the things you hate about me.
Do tell me things that you wouldnt.
Do tell me.

I was looking in the mirror
My worst enemy I had seen,
It was me and it gave me fear

my heartbeat dances
to the sound of his breathing;
short, fast, deep
soft, slow, heavy.

If you want to **** me,
just hold your breath.


-- Eleanor

When I think of you and me
I think of a tree

Sometimes that tree is full
prosperous
beautiful
full of life
So full it reminds me of the stars
Where we sit on a blanket and count them
Where we think they are all ours

Sometimes that tree is empty
Each passing day
more leaves
fall to the ground
Until one day
all that is left is one
Saddened by what it has become