"Every existing thing is born without reason,
prolongs itself out of weakness,
and dies by chance." - Sartre*


What is easier, life or death?
Some people think this is a simple question.
And I'm sure for some it is, a straight cut to one side or the other.

We know so much about human life and so very little about death.
Some would call it an "easy" way out from the constant struggle of existence.
But how many of you here on this world wide web are truly embracing your struggle today?

Are you following "the plan"?
A plan?

Birth, growth, assimilation, "education", indoctrination,
out of the womb and into the classroom,
graduate and start your career,
retire and die.

Isn't everyone proud.

I mean, think of all those soothing, sedating systems
put into place to make your life easier to avoid.

Much like the screen you stare at now.

I've, as they say, "suffered" from depression my entire life,
and as one of those chosen people,
I'd like to debunk the myth.

The loom of death breeds a lust for life
like nothing else I've ever encountered.

You appreciate every little nuance
and at the end of the day
you're grateful.

Unlike so many "happy" people.

But you also know the utter meaninglessness of it all.

And it makes it that much harder to swallow
when everyone doesn't realize the opportunity they have
every single day.

Most are complacent, content as cattle, lined up and waiting
for slaughter.

Until they're looking death in the face
and wondering what the **** they've been doing all this time,
in this line.

But I do not look at those other chosen people who've cut the tie to the physical plane
with judgement, pity, or shame.

Their bravery shines.

Everyone deserves an out, because so often people stay in out of selflessness,
out of attachment and obligations, to friends, to families
but will you deny them forever?

Give them their peace and think of their great example often.

All of life is risk,
you're always on the cusp,
every day could be your last.

Death is the final frontier,
an adventure unknown,
and wanderlust is strong in some.

Truth is the product of the pursuit of knowledge.
Though most people, I have found, do not embrace but fear knowledge.
I believe this to be due to the fact that knowledge is something that cannot be tailored to an individual.

What is, is.
Whether you like it or not.
Knowledge can often be daunting and go against the very foundation of everything you hold "true".

But truth is not there to keep you complacent, it's there to drive you, it's what you should live for.
The pursuit of knowledge is an ongoing process, constantly evolving.

One day you can feel without a shadow of a doubt that you "know" something,
and the next day be proven utterly wrong.

This is why it confuses me so that people hold steadfast to antiquated "truths",
catalogued by humans, and passed down through generations.

Like high school gossip, slipping from one grimy hand into the next,
riddled with the stains of ignorance and manipulation.

Knowledge can often isolate.
Spark hatred in those comfortably numb.

But those on the pursuit are not to be feared or confined,
they're to be celebrated and joined!

Because truth is freedom, and it will only unify.

Don't give up, don't give in.

I am the book that’s already been read & put on the shelf.
I am the first generation of ipod.
I am the broken guitar string.
I am the car that won’t start.

I am the kid sitting alone downtown at 3am.
I am the 300 year old clock that just broke again.
I am the song that finishes too soon.
Today, tomorrow; I am invisible.

I’m not sure if this should be an apology letter.
I just figure for once, I might be able to make things better.
Me; is just something you should never ask me to define.

For days I've been unable to write poetry and someone told me I should just write something...

This is me writing 'something'.
I hate writing about this situation but I'm purging.

Lol, all I wanted was mutuality but even in the brightest of times, it was mission impossible. Seems a bit foolish of me to have invested basically my all into someone so ...transparent. The lies and deception dripping like wet paint off of her giving the reflection of a colored person was visible to everyone but me ...to me she was still transparent. From the start, I made a promise to myself never to succumb to any negative forces interfering with what was supposed to be a 'Nirvana'. I still remember the tedious efforts of sneaking to her window. I still remember everything we did and her lips still feel close to mine ...for now. My retrogression occurs once again. Tomorrow, her name will no longer be locked onto my tongue, no longer stitched onto my heart. Instead, her name will do nothing but damage what was once whole but it's fine because tomorrow there'll be another. Tomorrow your name will be '****** from my lips ensuring it never comes back up'. Tomorrow, what was once so sacred between us won't be so sacred. Tomorrow it begins; tomorrow I regress.

You see,  I'm no dummy. Somewhere between the lines of
loving me too little
and
not loving me at all,
you found a bucket of lies with my name on it and you fed em to me until  even you succumbed to the deception. Luckily, you caught yourself so can I really blame you for what you did?
You say I play the 'victim'? I am a 'victim'.
a victim of being cheated on, lied to, played and rode like the donkey jesus sat on lol ...just a little humor to ease the level of despondency.
im a victim of tragedy.

Do you even know how it feels to be so happily in love with someone? so confident that someone is yours just yours and then watch that person willingly get swept off their feet and out of your life? never have i ever felt so confident that someone was mine and all mine, someone i could love and trust...
You won't ever understand how I felt that night.
...sitting there with the biggest smile on my face and the warmest heart ...then your neck.
I didn't just see a 'purple bloom' my dearest love. I saw my life flash before my eyes, I knew you were no longer mine for on your neck you were branded and you walked proudly with it. With your branded neck you stood there proudly and confident in yourself. ****, i hate you. you stood there smiling a smile that was no longer just for me. You stood there and kissed my cheek...if only I had known the devaluation of that kiss. You held my hands but if only I knew that those hands were not too long ago wrapped around and lustfully attached to another.

Although my way of getting over you isn't right, I'm **** sure it'll work. You want me to share you. That's what you want and I should've expected it from the 'first occurrence'. You want to be in the middle and who am I to judge? I'm just stuck, maybe? I'm no fool. I've done my wrongs and I've kept my secrets from you but in no way have I came remotely close to doing this to you. I stood by you through every hurricane, sheltering you. How is it that it's so easy for you to be apart from me? All I wanted was to be secure but you're so immature and can't even secure yourself, check your wrists.

I sincerely wish you the best. Disregarding all my bitter thoughts, I do hope you're happy.

i wonder why some people even wanted to put themselves in my shoes
when they’ve got their own anyway
if only they knew that they won’t like it here when they dared to try it
it seemed like it’s just I, the one wearing it, who makes it more beautiful & presentable on the outside
but they’ll surely regret it
for the longer they’re in it, the more painful they’ll have to tolerate
just like how I dealt with it
so better not try it in the first place
if you got your own, wear it then
who knows, you might lose it

I am fragile, please place upright.
You may hit me if you'd like, yes that would feel nice.
Broken down and glued back together.
Because you don't want to say I'm gone even when I shatter.
I'm sprawled out on the floor and you clean me up.
Because I'm sharp and ragged and leave lots of cuts.
When you look in me I will break.
Because I can't stand to see all of the pain and heartache.
I'm a simile for you and your life.
And all of the bad moments and strife.
I'm sorry it's like this and I hope you can fix it.
Because I don't like seeing me crush your spirit.
Please don't give up on me... please continue to put me back together.
Because without anyone the problem will never get fixed.. ever.

-

I draped your moonbeam heart
in a misty clouded veil
and sat on the dark side
keeping all of it its light to myself

Happily I waited for the stars to take notice
as I gazed out across the ebony skies
that now stared back in an empty silence…
suddenly I felt all alone

But I had the light, this beautiful,
loving, warming and enchanting glow all to myself
How could I feel alone, I had you,
what more could I need

Then I saw you were crying but I didn’t know why…
The light became dimmer with each tear that flowed
until it was now so dark I could barely see
“Please tell me why you are so sad?”

“My darling, it is true, the light of my heart
shines brightest for you, but there are others
who need its light as well and without it
their sadness becomes my sadness”

A chill ran across my skin at a speed not previously known
My heart began to break as I realized my error…
I felt selfish and ashamed, so I quickly lifted the veil
to share her wondrous light once again

When there before my eyes a billion stars began to glow
and so did her heart, brighter than before
We were contented as the universe rejoiced
for finally I could see…the dark side all along was me

I always stood and faced you
I never turned my back
looking as you walked away
Now I only see your tracks
becoming weathered, cracked
with a blackened plaque
No reason, but still I stay
still, silent, intact.

enchanted was he for her eyes were seemingly like a dream paradise.
he drew himself closer and closer till their lips touched
then viciously bit and filled her with tragical lies.

tormented was she for her eyes were seemingly like a fiery inferno.
it were once flourished with ravishing and unwavering beauty
and all that was left in her was the bitterness of his memories.