And if you’re dancing again, the ghost will follow your foot steps. Clamber up to your chest cavity and dive in. Die in. Die inside. Stopped dancing again.

Count the stripes on your back, to equal out what your step dad thinks you lack. To make sure you never bleed out from those masses of granulation tissue. Fine lines to define your worth, girl. To feel the flames lick down your back, to wish for death, to only wake up again.

Isiah 53: 3-7 is *******

No, I don't know
What love is
At all.

I am wondering
And my soul
Is about to fall

What is love
Why is love
And why are we all?

Are these simply questions of a depressed mind?
Maybe.
But also of one that is trying to find

Reasons
To live and to feel and to love.
Again.
More
And more honestly than ever.

Searching is my current state.
It's rather stuck, but does vibrate
Uncomfortably under my ribs
Where the deepest of feelings should be

Instead I am mostly inhibiting my head
But I want to learn to change that
My body needs more of my attention
I need to connect
To reconnect I guess.

I noticed there is a big gap
Between my soul, my head, my body..
It is as if I am existing in parts.

Maybe it's true cause energy is divided
Maybe.

I don't really know much
My focus recently has been very shallow
I guess I lost other people's touch
The human connections with fellows

They matter. Society matters.
This is where love meets me
But rarely.

I did experience hate though
In groups.
No body came to save me

But that's over, isn't it?
Or do I still have to learn to trust?

Am I still so influenced by it?
That I'd rather deny myself
Than to accept
That someone might not like
Sth about me instead.

Why is it so bad?
How to get rid of this weird energy.
How to find a way to be finally free.
I am not even begging for materialistic freedom.
I just want to be able to decide
How my life is gonna be
Where I am gonna be
And in each and every moment
What is actually right for me?

I know I overstepped some boundaries
And I will overstep even more
There are boundaries I overstep unwillingly
And there's others that I knowingly ignore.

Is everything the way you thought before?
Has nothing changed,
The lessons learnt
Forgotten the very next day?
Is perspective still the same way
The memory is disappearing
Life is moving on
Time won't slow down
Am i still the old me,
I dont feel changed at all.

I wake up, **** drunk, with a headache that quakes at my temples and somewhere towards the rim of the tail of my head, that dense pocket. It takes my brain for a spin while I’m removed.

I attempt to get myself up off the seat I fell asleep in. My grip slips on the wood grain handles. It’s imported legs rub against the wooden floors, shrieking.

I try once more.

I triumph.

I slinky over to the kitchen where I wash my face in the sink, hoping to rinse off some alcohol that has seeped through my pores.

The frigid water wakes me up, opening up my lungs at whatever time it may be, wherever I may be.

Something comforting about how the gears grinds and clicks. Like you’re in control of what happens next.

Cry to me; cry with me.

You know you can. 

When you are with me.

You’ll just be whom I see.

I’ll ignore the image I may have of you.

Even what the world thinks of you.

Good, bad, ugly — who gets a say in that?

I’ll even take evil if it comes as truth.

Look into my eyes,

Strip to your soul.

I promise I will have no filters.

I see you as whole.

There is an unasked why to each what.

Something has led you to this rut.

So, cry! Be angry! Shout, scream, and yell!

I know you want to, I can tell.

When you are with me, it's a deal.

You don't need to hide what you feel.

The world is fond of liars.

But you stay true to yourself.

Live what is now, it won’t be back.

Live what is real, let’s not pretend.

I see in you a reflection of my lost soul.

May be you will find yourself in my stroll.

That's the soul connection we have...