Today I smiled
seeing you next
to me when I woke.
You smiled at me,
but lately
they feel
ingenuine.
(Don't you like me?)

Now I smile
because you want
me to meet your
family.
You joke,
but is it
truth?
( I want to)

I'm smiling
I got to kiss
you in public
and hold hands.
Now you're joking
about your roommate
crying and his
emotions.
Do you not want
yours seen?
(I do though)

Your body screaming out in pain
The malevolent flame in your eyes
The decadence you taste
The death you reek of
You're petrified in malice
The god of your own demise
I hope you're happy now
Knowing you ruined a life
You never knew was worth living

.
Light rising—
Covers in a feathered sheet
As the news of bright birds,
Flash and colour, the palms
Of leaves, are beading with
Peaking sun.  I hear you stir
As I roll, so much language
In silences, so many hearts
In blended breaths, when
We are blanketed solely
In rich golden rays
Of birthing days
Dawning.

Talking to you
today
was wonderful
I haven't had so much fun
in a while.
I smiled
and
felt free.
We even have twitches
in common!

Now I'm home
wishing that
you would
leave him
for me
and
I
know
that it won't happen
at all
and that is what
scares me to death.

Mama warned me countless of times
Never walk alone along the alley at night, "Call me or papa to pick you up"
I took it lightly, thinking it was just another preach-teach
If only I'd listened to her
If only I was stronger

I still walked lightly drunken down that alley that
horrible night,
a pure, broken white lamb limping down the street
just waiting for a black fox of the night to
come enrapture me,
take me away from everything,
as I stood, cold and uncomforted from the night's drunken stupor,
and crying.

As I keep on walking
His voice was still there
In my head screaming,
"You deserved this, shut up!
Wearing like a desperate ****!
Just let me taste you stupid ****!!!"
No matter how i screamed, his immense hands shrouding my mouth tightly.
The more i screamed, the more pain he puts me in.

A couple shoves,
a few bruises,
a yank,
and my silenced whimpers
as he ferociously goes in,
once, twice, too many times.
I'm trapped, heaving...
I should have listened to Mama...

Flashbacks ran through my head
How defiant I am towards my parents
How I always skipped anything physical, always judging girls on how they look.
It's happening to me now
I can do nothing but cry and give in
When he was done, he told me he'll **** my whole family if I tell the police.
I continue walking as my worth fading slowly.

And my fire burned out,
as I stopped struggling,
stopped making any noises,
and just lay still,
as he licked me and caressed me,
he's new found toy,
only to be tossed away later.

As I finally reached my nest,
I couldn't find the words to tell mama.
Not one person, not my boyfriend, not a soul. His face still haunts me every now and then.
He became this demon in my head
That will never go away.
It's been months now,
But this demon got my soul caged
And my lips zipped.
Not a single soul will ever know

Here I tread on a woodland promontory—
With wings and wind conjuring the rains,
All is vastness and shroud, open, empty,
Even the light is carried away in silence,
My flesh all but smearings on the tableau,
Foothold of dream within disrupted dream,
Our hands once reached out into forever,
Now my soul is seeping from veined cairns,
Cut chains, mist, rains hollowing the wind.

Birth.

Without time we are wed,                                              

To life  .  .  .

Shotgun eternity.