To the first boy I ever loved:
I don't see your face anymore.

To the only boy I ever loved:
I no longer hear your voice.

So finally we meet no longer,
because finally I'm too far gone.

Wishful thinking
doesn’t get you far.

Wishful thinking
digs you into a hole,
straight down
into the ground.

Wishful thinking
is one of the only things
that can completely
hinder a person’s ability

to keep on down
the path of moving on.

I didn't cry or anything.
I hadn't talked to him in years.
But I couldn't shake the question:
Could I have prevented it?

I had thought to contact him,
show him someone cared.
He had always been insecure,
always had a spot in my heart.

But I brushed the thought aside
like a stray hair across my face.
And yet, I still can't help thinking
that *I could have changed things.

Give me your secrets,
give me your lies.
I'll hide them away
in the back of my mind.

I'll tell you I love you,
you'll tell me the same.
You think it is perfect,
I don't remember your name.

'Cause it all melds together
in one big metal ***,
full of stories and memories,
now just ashes, the lot.

one, two, three--
close your eyes
and you will see.

four, five, six--
after we end
the clock still ticks.

You tug
            tug
                tug

on my heartstrings again.


They say,

"Do what you must,
just don't let him in."

Mira mis manos.
Han sido vacias
por todos los días
desde que te saliste.

Da una vuelta,
mira mi cara.
Sigue los recuerdos,
y regresa a mi.

It’s been two years since I asked you to be mine,
And 9 months since I saw the tears in your eyes,
Actually, I’m wrong, it’s been that long
Since I’ve whispered goodbye
But I’ve seen the rivers flow of cries
At least a dozen more times.
And though you lie
In the back of my fabricated mind,
Living your life as a scar,
But that’s just what you are to be,
You will never truly escape my body,
Your scent will never leave my nose,
I will never exhale every breath I breathed of you,
I will never stop feeling the skin of your stomach slid beneath my fingers,
And I let them linger, just so I could feel a sliver
Of your soul in its own shell
And now me in my own hell,
But this is what I deserve.
If you think back to me,
Think back kindly.

Tus secretos
se esconden
entre las arrugas
de mi corazón.

Y te prometo
si no regresas
tan pronto como
en mis sueños...

los dejaré salir.

I should have kissed you
inside the hollowed tree;
A moment planned precisely,
obvious enough for discovery.

I should have kissed you
at the top of the hill;
Your skin illimuninated
by the sun setting behind you.

I should have kissed you
on that floral couch;
When the silence penetrated
all but my screaming thoughts.

I should have kissed you
beneath the water;
But I just wondered
why you were even there.

I should have kissed you
but I didn’t.
You said you’d hold me
but you left me in the dust.

You said you’d hold me
but you didn’t.
You ran and ran
but you can’t hide.

Already today
I’ve forgotten your name,
although it’s written
all over my body.

On my hands that you held
that November night,
on my forehead you kissed
when we said goodbye.

In my eyes that you loved,
on my shoulders you hugged,
on my back you admired
in the hot summer sun.

If I want to remember
your name these days,
I just look at my body,
for there you will stay.

But I don’t want to remember,
I want to forget
I want to live life
and remove you from it.

I want to close my eyes
and not see you
behind my lids
when I feel the bruise.

So I’ll stare straight ahead,
I’ll follow the sun.
For if I look down at my body,
I’ll come undone.

Baby, I can’t help it.
You make me wanna smile.
You make me wanna crawl into
your world a little while.

But all that’s just a memory,
some papers in my drawer,
some playlists and some post it notes
all scattered on the floor.