Silence, vastness of nothingness,
a whole infinity of emptiness.

This is the way I feel about my self sometimes.
Sometimes I find it hard to hear my own heart beat.

I hunger for something indescribable,
for something out of my reach, something so far away.

I am limited by my own tongue, by my own hands,
Something the mind can't comprehend, something even the ink wont cover up.

It hurts, it bleeds
Yet no one dares to cover my wounds.

I write these poems, seeking to rid my self of this pain.
Suffering, that which makes me feel human,
makes me feel weak, makes me feel so lessened.

In days as such, I linger inside of my self,
Searching for an answer, searching for the unknown.

One day, I hope
One day, I believe
That one day, all of this will vanish.
My soul will transform into a grain of sand,
and forever stay lost in the forgotten beaches of my own agony.

My screams loud,
I brake as I shout,
Yet the sound of my demise is confined in me.

Leave me be,
Let me tear my walls down,
Let me carry the weight of my own mistakes,
Even if my soul is at stake.

A heavy burden,
Rage, anger, forever burning,
My self I am mourning,
My hopes are tied to a new morning.

All I need is compasion,
All I want a fraction of recognition,
All I desire.. is a simple smile.

She could never stare, would
Never face that which showed
Despair, it looked back through
All the scars seen but never there.

Beauty was distorted In this
representation of self, Its features
Falsified, an empty reflection
Void of seeing what was truly
There.

She brushed her hair, with eyes
Turned away, not seeing that
Which was denied, which was
her beauty. She only a violation
Of ego of self Loathing in a
Reflection that she never looked
Upon, It was dead to her never
Will she look upon It neither stare.

I think it's time
I explore my twisted side
I've got my rope
I've got my knives
I'm going out
for a new thrill tonight
a little psychotic
morphed into a lot
now I'm going to use bodies
to leave my Mark
And it's a shame that
you've crossed my path
Now I'll grind your brains to paste
now like Jagger, I'll lay your soul to waste

There was nothing better
Nothing that made me feel alive
Nothing better than to breath,
Let go of everything
And finally open my lungs,
air that is so fresh none could compare,
breath in the feeling of freedom

I wish you knew my poetry about you. Maybe then you would know me too.
Words are hard to write. How the memory tend to bite. I once lost one I loved. Not a breakup.
I don't know how to make this a poem.
Nothing seams authentic if I try.
Its so hard to be "just the boyfriend."
They lost a daughter. I need to grive but its all out of place.
They say each kind of loss is equal but different let me tell you how mine went:
This little voice inside you starts poking a finger at you telling you her suicide was your fault. Then it jabs harder and harder until you want to die.
you run the scenario every ******* way you can but it doesn't help.
Because you were the boyfriend. You had one ******* job and you ******* it up. Be there. And you know what you know you were there. You know you were. So why does it hurt so bad? Because you were the boyfriend. You had one ******* job and you ******* it up.
Repeat that last paragraph about 50,000 times. While everyone else moves on.
2 years of my life. Made worthless without
her.
supposedly it gets easier right? It doesn't. It gets more manageable? Someday I just can't manage it.
I know this is me ******* and flailing my arms but I feel this is a better place then any to get it out.