As I walk
the words of those that never existed
echo inside of my mind

I have learned
that you don't have to share each other's blood
to be the closest brothers

I can hear
thousands of voices swelling up inside
each begging for just one chance

I can see
every one of those smiling faces
that I've never laid eyes upon

Now I know
I'm friends with those that never existed
those that I have never met

I have fought
hundreds of battles with nary a scratch
but been mortally wounded

For I am
A warrior, a queen, a servant, a child,
a mere bystander

Because I
Have a library inside of my head
of all that I read

Narcolepsy* hard and heavy watch me fall asleep
            Lulled to bed in a cunning thread of the tangled web we weave
    I dream in pristine colors, windows of my mind anew
No fingerprints or ***** looks or evidence of you

         I find comfort in forever wherever it may be
        I may have left my home but it will always stay with me
                 The smell of all the smoke with the sound of all the rain
   On constant playback every second deep within my brain

        I found that time is all that matters and everything else faded
        I spent years and years learning how to forget everything I hated
    I've only gotten older and have nothing left to show
              Except a ringing alarm clock and blood on my pillow

     Narcolepsy** hard and heavy watch me as I sleep
     Another pill, another high, another date to keep
      If I shall die before I wake, I hope that I'm with you
    Then it won't matter where I go, cause you will see me through

The battle is not always won but we keep fighting. The deck is always stacked but we can't give up hope. There been times i want give up and just walk away but i say to myself i beat cancer.

Your lips tasted like alcohol that night, and since then I can't stay sober..

My stars are okay,
It's my mind that is the problem
Restless mind, repeated questions
And the inability to slow down and listen

Perhaps to stay still for the moment would be the best idea

I have never liked the term

      "sloppy seconds"
                  
                  I believe that we renew ourselves with each love

I want to go back to being that
16 year old girl listening to
yellow by Coldplay and
wondering what life had in store
for me.