I thought I loved the East Coast until I saw your eyes look back at me under the moonlight slipping through the window.
I thought I loved the East Coast until we were pressed together, laughing, trying to fit on your twin mattress.
I thought I loved the East Coast until I felt your breath on my neck at four in the morning.
I long for the Pacific and for you to take me there.

in and out
you look at me
like a circus clown
losing your teeth
biting on all
that candy

i could be next to you
but i still can't get
the rest of you
you don't like the sound of it
and i don't like the feeling

around and around
i'm sure by when autumn comes
you'll follow the sun back home

and i'm stuck with
my leaves changing colors

i may be the first
of the others

he'll call you pretty
he'll capture you with the sparkle of his brown eyes
and melodic laugh that'll ring in your ears for days
after the moment passed

things will escalate
your heart will race each time you hear his name
you'll admit to liking him
he'll say he feels the same

his lips will taste like honey
you'll love the taste, it'll be your  new favourite flavour
but honey gets too sickly when you eat too much

he'll call you good girl
then you'll realise,
you're not the only one who's been eating honey.

When it's not so sad anymore I will show pictures of us to my future children.
I keep them hidden in 7 different folders on my computer to try and hide them from myself so I don't get weak and want to look at the better days.

I deleted you from social media, I blocked you, but as we all know that's a temporary solution to the bigger problem.
I always find love for you even when I hate you deep down inside- hidden under 7 layers of skin and memories.

When it's not so sad anymore I almost wish we would run into each other on the streets.
Maybe it won't be so awkward, I'll have moved on and you'll have moved on but maybe there will be a small spark still there.

When it's not so sad anymore, I will eventually delete those pictures from my memory and my computer.
I will find a way to permanently erase your love one of these days... maybe 7 months from now, maybe 7 years from now... someday.

sounds like silence; aching to be filled.

smells like antiseptic; wanting to be clean.

tastes like tears; salty and weak.

looks like my darkened room; messy.

feels like nothing and everything all at once; numb and excruciating.

i tumble around
in this poetical haze
what am i doing?