Hey
I know it's been a while
Since we've last both spoken.
I'm doing fine

                                            Except
I miss you sometimes
When I least expect it
I'm not really sure why
It's not like we were anything special
Maybe it's the look in your eye
In that one moment of vulnerability
When you tore off all the layers
Of protection
That you pull so tightly
Around you
Perfectly hiding you
Making you invincible from the world


Did that scare you?
That I saw that side?
Is that why you didn't call
Didn't leave even a note or an inkling
That you had the slightest interest
Or was your interest only for those few
Moments together


Like magic
Engulfing me completely
Intoxicating my senses
Filling me to the brim
With you and the possibility of more


More that will never come
Because you won't let it

I want you to know that I go
From spurts of anger to pain
When I think of you
And what we could have had
Sometimes I still hold hope
Before remembering
Stupid girl, it'll never work


You make me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows
And you don't even know it
Funny
Because I don't want you to
You don't deserve that
And at this rate you never will


Well this is getting long winded
And it's something you'll never see
Because really why would you?
You never even think of me!
So I guess it's time
To finish what I have to say
There's really nothing else
Other than
Goodbye

Laws that get me in trouble.
Mostly for public intoxication
After wandering aimlessly down
Lost streets.
Love I never receive; or gift anyone with either.
Liquor that takes the pain away
If only temporary.
Love fades,
Feelings change,
And the hangover the next morning
Reminds me of why I hate myself
After downing my first shot of alcohol
The night before.
So I start drinking again for breakfast
And the next morning will play out the same.
Endless truths hide behind lies
And luck has never been something I’m  good at.
Life is a game and I can’t ever seem to win,
I lost. I lose. I’m losing.
Over and over again
People call me a lowlife and say I’m going nowhere.
Liquor cures the lonesome for the night
And men tell me they love me.
I believe them.

I hate the word “love.”

The bush that I beat around
is round and profound and its not attached to the ground but,
it seems to pound aloud the sound of..
the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees
and the water that we all drown in.
If I could climb the tallest mound
in the smallest town
and sing aloud
as if I scaled the Everest Mountain.
And if he talks down on my leaps and bounds
would you be proud to stand around him?
I astound the clowns who wear the crowns and silly gowns
behind a shroud of sirens.
That claim the grounds of their compound
and are aroused by accounts of violence.
And as the body count arises...
The people around, in silence
while the clowns burn down the city now
Oh, how we've all turned out so mindless.

I've recently been contacted about having my collection of poems published. since you all are such great fans and supporters, I invite you to go 'like' my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/courtneyksnodgrass
you'll get additional sneak peeks like excerpts and quotes from the novel that I just finished writing as well!
it would really mean a lot if you guys could go like my page and then invite your friends too. (if you feel I deserve it)
all is appreciated, thank you so much.
~Courtney Snodgrass

I know you won't remember the first days you were here,
My jealousy was an angry tantrum full of screams and tears.
Before you ever came along I was their one and only.
But if I were to lose you now I would be forever lonely.

Over the years I grew to love you with all of my heart
And then one day he joined us and our trio had its start.
I wished to forever protect you two from every grief and pain
My healthy, happy, baby brothers I wish you could remain.

Jacob, eighteen years have passed since you came home with mother.
Your adventures and comedy have made you our constant entertainer.
Now you have turned into a strong man who is valiant and true;
The Marines have made you honorable and for that I'm proud of you.

And Matthew, it has been seventeen years since you graced our home.
You are more loyal and more caring than any man I have ever known.
A harder working, more determined man would be difficult to find.
Your heart of gold and lively personality make you one of a kind.

I was not always the compassionate sister you both deserved,
But someone with more love for you will never be observed.
I promise to always be there for you no matter what you encounter.
Because I have learned over the years that blood is thicker than water.

Though you are small, and may seem like the smallest grain of sand on the beach,
There are many things to know before being washed into the ocean of life.
Listen to the shells, for they’ve been on the beach far longer than you have.
Make a wish at 11:11. (Don’t worry if you forget in the morning, it’ll come again that night.)
Cross your fingers for extra luck,
Accept a date to stargaze in the middle of an open field in the bed of a pick-up truck,
And while you’re gazing at the stars, don’t forget to make a wish on the one that’s shooting across the sky
And while you’re lost within that pair of blue eyes, get lost within a field of dandelions.
Pluck one that you can make a wish and blow into the wind.
And don’t worry if Prince Charming hasn’t swept you off your feet,
Create your own imaginary prince; he won’t break your heart,
And keep a couple imaginary friends along too; they won’t stab you in the back.
It’s okay to dance and sing in the car, you won’t ever see those people who’re next to you again,
(Unless the next light turns yellow, in which case, the gas pedal needs love and affection too.)
You’ll get nerves, but don’t ever bite your nails or crack your knuckles, back, neck, or anything.
Arthritis isn’t something that goes well with the wrinkles that’ll come too.
Grow wisdom, but don’t forget, you’ll always be a child at heart.
Make sure the length of the dress that you buy for the date would be approved by your grandmother.
Don’t forget to always add sprinkles with your ice cream while on that date,
And why should dessert be saved for last? Eat it first; otherwise you’ll be too full.
And as you’re driving home that night, don’t forget to turn your headlights on,
And remember to wear your seatbelt, no matter how short the distance.
Remember that it’s okay to break curfew every now and then; you may not ever get those moments back.
Keep in mind, if your date is on a Friday, don’t be out too late, or you’ll miss Saturday morning cartoons,
Which also means, don’t ever eat the marshmallows from Lucky Charms until the very end.
And say Prince Charming still hasn’t rode in on his white stallion,
The refrigerator is not who to call to cure your boredom (Unnecessary calories are not your friends.)
Instead, call your mother, because you’re never too old to cry to your mom.
When you see those storm clouds approaching, don’t hide inside,
Put on your rain boots and dance in the puddles.
Don’t be afraid of the waves that are washing up on the shore.

I read somewhere,
that as adults,
we try growing into
the traits that would've
rescued our parents.
And when my father moved out
I started moving.
The day my his signature
danced across a set
of divorce papers,
my body became boat.
These ankles retracted anchor.
I have been sailor ever since.

2. Mental illness runs
in my mother's family
so leaving was more like
a race for sanity.
There are days when
I wonder if schizophrenia
is what happened
when Liz stopped writing.
When a poet stops being a poet
I guess all of that empty
silence leaves room for
the walls to start speaking.
There are days when I wander
just to see if my feet
are as fast as they
used to be.
I used to leave what I love.

3. I love a lot
so I jog often.
Not for hobby,
but for healing.

4. Survival is a scary thing,
especially when it means
running from what's
already been sewn into
your family genes.

5. If your body ever
feels foreign,
remember home is
where the heart is
so it is no worthless carcass.
Call it Cathedral.
You. Holy congregation
of bones filled to the brim
with sin but blessed
from birth.
Your skin is nothing short
of sacred. Sanctuary.
Your muscles only grow
from being torn and rebuilt
so it makes sense
for your walls
to crumble sometimes.
Destruction is a form
of creation.
And of course,
you will want to dance
amongst that rubble.
Movement is a sign of life.
Let them see
you're still alive.

6. This life is magic
and you come from
a long line of magicians.
We people of Black suits
and bow ties threaded
from braided chains.
We, wands for wrists,
perfect for reaching
for potions and people
and dreams.
We, top hats for teeth,
perfect for abracadabra speaking
things into existence.
We, artists.
We, storytellers.
We, preachers and poets.
We who spit spells
disguised as poems.
Poems that work like
prayers born between pews.
We, walking sanctuaries
with pews for knees.
We who birth life. Love,
you are nothing short
of magic.

7. The day the spine
of my father's signature
tangoed along the rubble
of a broken marriage,
my mother's hips
kissed a beat like
Stevie Wonder
was just invented.
And my God,
is it lovely.
How she wears her lonely
in the sway of her shoulders.
See you come from
a long line of magicians
who don't need to be rescued.
You are not our final flare.
You are not our savior.
Love, you are my plagiarized draft
of a poem called God.

One: You were my first one.
You lied and cheated on me.
I ******* hate you.

Two: My favorite one.
I have the most fun with you.
I wish we ****** more.

Three: I just kept staring,
Your body is like a god’s.
You don’t work out though.

Four: You weren’t bad or good.
I forget your name sometimes.
It’s probably best.

Five: Terrible rhythm.
Our relationship’s weird.
Never again though.

Six: There was so much pain.
Bigger is not always great.
I miss Zeus a lot.

Seven: You’re just an *******.
I hope you catch something, ****.
Don’t call me again.

Eight: You were a stranger.
I don’t remember your face.
It was pretty bad.

Nine: I think I love you.
It cannot happen again.
Please keep rocking on.

Ten: You shave, oh thank you.
You look like Josh Caddy too.
Let’s **** again please.

Eleven: There was so much sweat.
I was kinkier than you.
Some of the best ***.

Twelve: You kept choking me.
The *** was pretty **** good.
Felt so high after.

Thirteen: Known you forever.
I like what we've got going.
Life is weird sometimes.

Fourteen: You stay by my side.
You love all of my faults too.
I'm in love with you.

I hope when you look back
On the life that you lead
That you have regrets
That you're proud that we were brought up well
With good manners and a good temperament
But that you hate the fact
That every time you were mad
For absolutely no reason at all
That every time you went off the wall
And lost it all
You were losing another part of us

I hope you're proud              
That you gave us the best--
Education,  toys, and material things
But recognize
That all we really wanted    
Was love, time, and those things
That you can't give back to us now

You lost us
It happened a very long time ago
You didn't even realize it
Will you now?

Now that you won't be a part of my kids' lives
Or mine after this
Now that I'll get as far away as possible
Just like I couldn't
It'll be a lonely one for you;
I hope you realize it
My only question is:          
Looking back on your life
Was it all really worth it?

I'm okay
I'm alright
I can still smile
I can still laugh

There's too much pain to handle
I just lose my self

I hope he loves you
more than I love you..

Ever ******* up?
Ever made a mistake?
Hey listen,
We all play that game.


Something slipped out,
Did the wrong thing.
That's okay,
We all play the game.


The game of being human,
Of living life in haste
The game of being impulsive,
And making mistakes every day.


So don't get down,
By mistakes upon you.
'Cause I know,
You’ve done it too.


So please forgive me
If I do wrong to you.
For when it’s my turn.
For the favor to be returned
It’ll be okay
It’ll work out someday.

Music to my Eyes: Caledonia
Let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
When I’m down and dreaming nightmares
You in my arms, the best joy I find
But if our love becomes endangered
And I become only a stranger
I will love you
Till the world dies
In holy fire