.

I feel awkward
You're making me mad
You tell me one thing
And then take it back

What's your deal?
Do you want me here or not?
If I'm just a burden
Tell me so I can go get lost.

It's not fun for me either,
Being somewhere I'm not wanted.
Regardless I smile
And will not be haunted.

Stomp, stomp, stomp
Unhappy glares
He walks up the stairs
The kid is stirring up tears.
Yelling and cries
Mixed with more stomping
You told me I was unwanted,
To just go away if I wasn't helping.
You didn't even tell me what you were doing,
It's not ignoring if I can't hear you.

Sometimes I worry about being too needy
and wonder if you think I'm being too clingy

I feel sick inside,
I still want you by my side...

I do sing for you
Even now
The sky is blue
I remember you
I want to call you
To ask if you'd like to meet
Before I go back to the sand-filled
Place on the other side of the nation
Where I'm living now.
But I cannot.
So I'll lay my phone down next to my pillow
And continue sleeping; bitter filled dreaming

I once had a friend
Her beauty very rivetting,
Her eyes like the moon beam
Her nose ETHEREAL
her voice like a Serenade
She loved everything beautiful and
Mysterious
She was drawn to mystery
Her name MUNA
mine LUNA

And so we planned
Planned how we would live our lives
She wanted to be a medical doctor
To save the world
I on the other hand was not
Sure who I wanted to be.
She told me she would save the world
From pain
From strife
From evil
She was always ready
Always vibrant
Always steadfast
Always innocent
The light shined on her
And she glittered at night

But then
The Cloud gave way
And the light that paraded her beauty
Began to fade
The air that loved her vanished
And a wicked aura came
The beautiful cloud took an hiatus
And a strange eerie sky took charge
Her world began sinking in the dark
And the doors of joy shut against her
A stranger came to her
And overwhelmed her with burning darkness
He held her and dragged her
He dragged her into the night
She wanted to run
But he was too dark to be outweighed
He was too strong
Too carlous
As he took her away
Into his monstrous world
I began searching for her
But couldn't find her
I searched through the dark valley
But all amounted nothing

Muna was precious
And always smiling
She had plans
She had ambitions
She loved life
She loved God
She wanted to be loved
But this monstrous stranger
Hit her
He bit her and took away all her innocence in the most callous way
He tortured her and took her by force
All her dreams he swallowed
All her glory he vanished
Stabbing her with the knife of frustration
He became her God
And one day when she tried to run
He caught her
And burnt her with pain
Her body became his dustbin
And he was in charge

And after shattering her
After breaking her will
After destroying her zeal
After swallowing her dreams
After using her to mop the floor
He left her bare

My friend Muna
I saw her
My friend was worse than a shadow
My friend became a fleabag
My friend had been broken
Killed and buried
Even though alive
I asked my friend
Why have you become so pale?
She smiled and dropped me a note?
Which read

It was BEAUTY
MY BEAUTY
IT WAS BEAUTY THAT BETRAYED ME
The grace of my smile
The smoothness of my skin
The firmness of my *******
The sweetness within my thighs
My BEAUTY BETRAYED ME
AND SOLD ME OUT
And now I am a crushed flower
A crushed flower that will never bloom or rise again
A flower that will die slowly
All because
My beauty sold me out
I never wished to be beautiful
I never wished to be *****
BUT LIFE HAS BETRAYED ME
AND So LUNA MY FRIEND?
UNTIL WE MEET TO PART NO MORE

GOODBYE MY FRIEND.

As I dropped the note
I looked around but couldn't find her
My Friend Muna
Has gone away
For she had been crushed without measures
By a Man like you
A man just like you reading this POEM
HOW MANY MUNA'S HAVE YOU CRUSHED?

As i sit and write this sad tale, I cannot help but CURSE all Men who have crushed so many Muna's out there.....

BUT WITH TEARS IN MY EYES I ASK THIS LAST QUESTION,
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE DID MY FRIEND GO?

Evna-Luna © 2016.

Stab me. Do it again.
I'm so tired of living in this place where people bend what's already broken trying so hard to fix it but only to make it worsen it's so funny how hard this **** is; after being brought into a world you can't say no to you're forced to go on living in it only to wait for it to end and sure you'll have good experiences mixed in with the bad; and happiness mixed in with the sad too and heaven forbid you try to exit because apparently that is cowardly; wrong in the end most are too scared to even attempt... It's just funny.

Whenever I feel sad, I blow things up in video game land.
Because everything and anything that I built there, can be rebuilt.
I can fix everything in the screen that I hurt or broke.
But I can't fix how you probably think what we had was just a joke.

I didn't ask to be born.
Did I give you permission to have me?
I'm just not cut out for this, really...
I think about suicide constantly
Everyday I question my sanity
Am I okay? Stop starring at me!
You're only worsening my anxiety
They saw me crying.
I don't want them to think that I'm attention-seeking
Because I'm not:
I just have a lot of ****** up thoughts.
One day I'm calm and the next I feel forgot-
Ten: they told me when I grew up I'd be that number
Not someone who's chubby and refuses to go to slumber, part-ies
They were just never for me
But don't get me wrong I tried to participate
Just no one ever really included me unless it was a one-on-one standing
I get it, I'm a fill in.
That's always been my role
Someone who's just there
For when others couldn't be.
That's me.
The girl I'll hit up tomorrow because my other friend is busy
On a new note I'm about to be 18
My parents could kick me
out or disown me
Send me on my way
As if they never had known me
I'll eventually be on my own
That's the point of this right?
To witness someone's life and
Then toss them aside but say
That you'll be there until the end of time?
Right?
Wrong
I always feel that way when
I'm singing this song
Titled: strife
It makes me not want to go on
But it remains
Always in my veins
It tells me to stay
On the worst of days
It triggers me hard
I just want to go away
Just let me already
Why must I stay steady
Can't you tell I'm not sturdy
And just want to yell
At everybody
I'm in tears already
As I pull the cord on this bag
Helium fills my lungs
I no longer feel sad
I laugh continuously
As I'm  being poisoned
I'm mad; crazy
I forgot to write a note
Don't hate me
You all knew me in the past
For a time being
You had your chances with me
There was no right or wrong
I was just always singing a different song
So don't feel bad for my no longer going on
I was never meant to be here
Please. Stay strong.