Sometimes not having
The responsibilities
Of being grown-up
Is better than those times when
You can rule the entire world.

Dreams taunt me at night,
Attacking my mind in hordes,
And I wake tattered.
What does it mean when I run?
And when with good I wrestle?

There's words I don't say
I hold deep inside of me
But when I'm tired
They come out, unexpected
Clumsily, I turn bright red.

Why is everything I desire miles away?

Only to be seen through a looking glass.

Who would have guessed I was blind,

And looking through the wrong side of a telescope?

All along I thought my happiness was just
                                                                         out
                                                                                 of
                                                                                      reach.

Devils eat your soul
Your mind gets cracked
Everything that makes you is dark
You breath the world's evil intentions
And you create your own demon
You take your pen and draw every lie that has been told and every person you would love to hurt
The sun covered with the clouds
Tears of joy turned into tears of pain
There is no more me anymore there is just the desire to make people bleed and suffer
I want to burn every part of my body and feel how it makes me feel
The monster in me is strong enough to devour any good in the world and turn it to the most hedious place in the world

Sometimes it's not when you're perfect
That you feel like yourself, it's true;
It's when you're embarrassingly imperfect
That you know that you're definitely you.

When your words are placed with precision
And your thoughts are all in line
When there's the perfect analogy in your speech
He's not there to listen, that's the time.

When your words come out in a jumble
And you laugh 'till you're in tears
When you tell stupid jokes and nobody but he laughs
That's the day that he appears.

They think I suffer
From but one affliction;
But I enjoy it.

Fire and ice compete within 
Slowly melting my soul
Flames and freezing rain fall in
Trying to break my whole

This flare that I used to ignite
Has backfired in my face
And now the only respite I find
Is in ice's cold embrace. 

The embers that I used to burn
Were fuel enough to fly
They took me to places never seen
Instead of burning down my sky

I shiver and shake, racked with hate
And fear and love contending
Desire hot as fire, not
Any respite sending

In one calm moment, looking up
And falling to my knees
I see that I was not alone
Just consumed with me.

The hardest part is believe more in yourself than the weight of failure on your tongue.
The lump of give up stuck in your throat.
Broken fingertips that want to surrender.
I pull myself up by my lungs. Rearrange my insides well enough to hide my weakness.
And believe. For one second. That I can do this.

I saw galaxies in your eyes
and you left stardust in your footprints
but I keep it in a jar on the shelf above my bed
you're not here anymore but you are
and the voices in my head won't shut up
shut up
shut up
sometimes they sound like you
and they whisper sweet things like good morning and you're pretty
but sometimes they are your mother screaming
screaming
screaming
I can't erase the scars on my skin
maybe I wouldn't have cut my arms up if I didn't shake all the time
sometimes I am numb and empty but seeing blood run down my wrist reminds me that I'm full of pretty colors
other times I feel like I am housing the universe and I  am too small to contain it
there's only one way out and you always said it was bad for me
but it's good for me I swear,
just like the drugs I force down my throat to forget ******
******
******
I can't think or form sentences right now
I am tired and I am sick
in my head
there are monsters in my head and I have not stopped to think
just typing like a machine
I am a robot to my own mind, just repeating
repeating
repeating
sequences like math but it's not numbers
it's swallowing pills or slicing my body into pretty geometric patterns
caffeine is a drug and I am awake even though I feel dead
last night I cried for three hours straight
and I was terrified of not knowing what I was capable of
suicide is not pretty
you can't romanticize it with pictures of ****** wrists and hand guns next to a bouquet of daisies
even though sometimes that's what it looks like in my head.