Every night I look up to the stars and pray
That they'll forgive me for the tears I cried that day.
And ask for the pain to be taken away.
If he saw me I wonder what he'd say...

He says he really does love me
That I am the only one he wants to see.
But in our relationship there is no honesty.
But in the end...who will I be?

Seeking those lonely ones,
Every step watched, *dark shadows hidden,
Ritual of the **** *planned, prepared, precision,  
Is the key to the departing of life,
All will fear that moment,
Looking behind as well as in front,
Kill or be killed,
Is the reaction to that moment of a death,
Life is in their control,
Let the blood seep,
Every moment is a last lingering  breath,
Right now you realise your **time is up.

You got that plastic smile
And that painted facade
Showin off your guile
You think you're ****** god
Your minions bow
To the poster child
To the spokesman now
For egos gone wild
But when you step off stage
And that mask comes off
You're just filled with rage
Cause you been slackin off
You stand for nothin
But you preach it all the same
Now people know you're bluffin
And its destroyin your fame
They're callin you fake
They're callin you out
It makes your heart break
Yeah it makes you doubt
If your friends are really friends
Or if its all a scam
If they're goin to all ends
To see that you sank instead of swam
So you're repainting your face
And com in back to your pulpit
Joinin a new race
Where you're no longer a culprit
But soon enough its all the same
A whole new group
Has figured out your game
Quick as if the last one  gave em the scoop
Now you're developin a rep
And kid it ain't a good one
Always behind half a step
Its been so long since you've won
So now you're lookin deep inside
Tryna figure out what's wrong
Tryna figure out what to hide
But you've just been lyin all along
Lyin to yourself
Lyin to your crew
But now you're dropping lies on the shelf
And becomin someone new
So when you look in that mirror
You'll like what you see
Now that person's gettin clearer
Yeah that person's breakin free

We all know about Rudolph
and how his nose lights up the night
And olive, the other reindeer
Who help Santa with his flight

But, there's one who is forgotten
From the Christmas songs and rhymes
And I think you should hear about him
Yes, I think it is about time

Randy was a reindeer
He liked to play the reindeer games
But he too, was like Rudolph
And the others called him names

Randy, wasn't much at flying
Didn't like going out most nights
Randy, well, he was just different
You see, he was afraid of heights

He couldn't see where he was going
Either in the day or night
You see Randy needed glasses
He had a problem with his sight

His balance was in question
Always falling to the ground
If a reindeer falls in the forest
Does that reindeer make a sound?

He had a skin condition
He needed special cream to help
The harness didn't help him
In fact, it made him yelp

He was shorter than the others
And his stride was a bit off
And when Santa came to see him
Randy had a nervous cough

He didn't like the female reindeer
He liked the males, more than he should
Randy was "light up in the antlers"
And to Santa, that's no good

Santa couldn't fly with Randy
Randy's name, it was all wrong
It screamed out Broadway not of Christmas
It didn't work in all the songs

Santa said "you're a strange reindeer"
"You can't fly, you're blind and gay"
"And if you led my team out"
"We'd not be done in just one day"

"I'm sorry, reindeer Randy"
"I have to cut you from the team"
"They play one side,you're another"
"If you know what Santa means"

So, Randy, he just wanders
Round the north pole all the while
Bumping into things and falling
With his light antlers and strange smile

He's not a famous reindeer
And I think that it's ok
That Santa has a reindeer
Who, we now all know is gay.

there's way too much love inside me for people who don't deserve it  not one ******* bit do you understand what it feels like to know what you've done for someone and then have them step on your heart like you're a sidewalk i thought being walked on with stilettos would hurt the most but it turns out tie dye vans are the real killers i was walked on until i went completely numb all of me is numb everything is darker than i expected it to be i guess that's what happens when you have the dirt from the bottom of those tie dye vans stuck in your eyes now all i can do is use what's left of my hearing to listen to your favorite songs over and over even though you never told me what they were not even after i asked you what does it matter anyway i'm just a ******* sidewalk sidewalks don't breathe our lungs are too full of the gravel and leaves the people who walk on top of us kick around sidewalks don't cry we let the rain do it for us sidewalks don't have hearts and even if they did why would it matter anyway i was your ******* sidewalk to get to her i made sure to crack in some spots to make it harder to get to her but you're much smarter than some stupid ******* crack you figured your way around it in the most beautiful way possible and god ****** i wish i tried a little harder but now i'll just be stuck here with your dirt in my eyes and your gravel in my lungs and your tie dye vans all over my pathetic little heart

maybe the tight feeling in my chest is a reminder for me to breathe even though it's difficult to do with the words you so emptily used to describe the scars on my wrist in the back of my head i didn't think i'd make it out alive there was just so much blood you had me in your jaws like a snake has a mouse but i somehow managed to slip away from you long enough to do more damage to myself than you ever could it ended up exactly the way i thought it would as beautiful as i thought you were you really were the death of me

Feeling not so pretty
in the middle of the night

I've got a glass of wine
and a fluorescent light.

I've got a fridge full of leftovers

of feelings

of spite

I've got a bottle to my left

and its contents to my right.

And there's a morning fast approaching
In which the real life lies

but my body isn't tired
and my brain is stirring fry

and my hands are typing nonsense
as my face becomes my eyes

there's a birdie in the corner
in the corner with the flies

I've got one more chance to make it
but my head's become my mind

I've got one more chance to shake it
but I just can't quite decide.

Fingernails tearing off skin
Digging into flesh
That red sticky liquid
dripping down my wrist
my teeth sink in
stabbing mercilessly
viciously with my canine teeth
Strawberries taste delightful!

Duct tape, bubble wrap and chocolate brownies don't fix everything
but they don't hurt, so my grocery list is gonna be weird for a little while.