When I woke for work this morning
I wish I'd stayed in bed
But, I perservered and showered
I could sleep more when I'm dead

Another ache, another pain
My eyes were sore and red
But, I had to keep on moving
I could sleep more when I'm dead

Age is creeping up on me
In fact, I know it's here
It lets me know it's present
It gets louder every year
I can not do the things I did
I can't see what once was
I know it's not technology
I know age...yes, age is the main cause

I have to sit to tie my shoes
Even that takes all my breath
I cough most times I do them up
It scares my wife to death

I used to go out for a run
Each day when I got home
But, now I like the company
I can't go outside alone

Age is creeping up on me
In fact, I know it's here
It lets me know it's present
It gets louder every year
I can not do the things I did
I can't see what once was
I know it's not technology
I know age...yes, age is the main cause

My hair, is grey with brown highlights
At least, where it still lies
It's growing like a **** field
Above both of my eyes

I have more types of medicine
Than most people half my age
My glasses are now trifocal
So I can see what's on the page

Age is creeping up on me
In fact, I know it's here
It lets me know it's present
It gets louder every year
I can not do the things I did
I can't see what once was
I know it's not technology
I know age...yes, age is the main cause

I hear as well as I once did
As long as all is quiet
I didn't think you'd believe that one
But, I thought,....oh hell, let's try it

Spicy foods, don't start me off
My stomach they just turn
I have a little purple pill
To help with the heart burn

Age is creeping up on me
In fact, I know it's here
It lets me know it's present
It gets louder every year
I can not do the things I did
I can't see what once was
I know it's not technology
I know age...yes, age is the main cause


***, now there's a topic
I would rather watch tv
My wife still wants to have it
All that's missing's ...me

I talk just like my grandpa did
About the good old days
How we had to walk uphill to school
And how it was uphill...both ways

Age is creeping up on me
In fact, I know it's here
It lets me know it's present
It gets louder every year
I can not do the things I did
I can't see what once was
I know it's not technology
I know age...yes, age is the main cause

Age....it is a nasty thing
You don't see it, but it comes
All my body is receding
My hair, my brain, my gums

I know I'll never beat it
I'll learn to live with it instead
so, for now...I'll just go along
I'll get my rest when I am dead.

i believe that life is a blessing and a curse
because i have felt so much joy and so much pain
i think life has a way of making us fear death
because there is always so much loss and so little gain
but from what ive had and what was taken
and what i know and what i assume
there is always going to be a brighter tomorrow
so much brighter than all this gloom
and i say that with my head held high
not fearing death nor wanting it to come
but living life like its meant to be lived
for our God, our Savior, the son.

I looked into the mirror and this is what I saw
Overweight, bloated and extremely out of shape
Put me in a purple shirt
And I'd look just like a grape
The time had come to buckle down
It was time to go get fit
There's not a better time to go
I figured...this is it
So, I went in after work one day
I had a "ONE DAY CENTER" pass
They like to be called centers
It seems to give them class
I waited once I got there
It was time to hide my pride
I waited for someone else to come
And help me get inside
The door, well it was monstrous
The sort of door a "center' needs
I couldn't budge it with my pushing
"The sign says Pull, sir....can't you read?"
A girl, no more than twenty
Helped me in..god bless her heart
You could stick three feathers in her ****
And she would be a dart
She led me in up to the desk
And then she went to change
I was now inside "The Center"
And it really did feel strange
I saw a gym once, in a dream
It was not like this at all
This was wonderous, expansive
The gym was like a hall
A young girl came and asked me
If I would like to take a tour
I told her I would love one
I didn't tell her about the door
She showed me all the new machines
The ropes and steps and *****
The freeweights and the changing room
The tvs and the walls
She told me what they offered
That most other Centers lacked
I was looking for a way to leave
Then she gave me a back pack
"You get this free" she said
for coming on the tour
I told her thanks, but still inside
I would keep quiet about the door
I said I'd think about it
I was not sure if it was me
I was not really a "Center" guy
I would rather watch tv
She said maybe a session
With a trainer would change my mind
I said that I would do it
There was a numbness in my behind
The chairs were most uncomfotable
I was squeezed in rather tight
A purple grape stuck in a press
That's really quite a sight
She went and got a trainer
And as I walked around the floor
She came back wtih the little girl
That I'd met at the front door
She showed me the treadclimber
Said it was easy on the knees
It was easy to get started
Using this would be a breeze
I got on and got started
Four steps made my head begin to spin
I was really getting dizzy
I really hated thin
I got off...got some water
She said we'd go try out the bike
My **** cheeks hid the entire seat
This was not something I liked
Next free weights..now a man's toy
I couldn't lift them from the floor
Then she whispered "oops I'm sorry"
"I forgot all about the door"
She left to take a phone call
I then went to have a ***
I knew I could work the ******
Away from where prying eyes could see
I went back and I joined her
She chose to show me a machine
It did most of the work by it self
It was guaranteed to make me lean
We talked for near an hour
Then I went back to the desk
I thanked her and sat down again
I really just needed rest
I listened to the payment plans
As they were speedily thrown out
I thought about my heart attack
My bursitis and my gout
I signed on as a member
Vowing "no longer would I be mush"
The one thing I'd remember
Is to pull the door not push!

Mistaking "unfortunate"
for "unnecessary"

i
   hate
         people
               generally
                                i
                        like
             people
*individually

looking out into the street

there's a line a mile long

i haven't even opened yet

there must be something wrong

the line it stretches round the block

it doesn't make much sense

i feel a riot may break out

i start getting rather tense

the phone is ringing off the hook

i amazed at things i hear

i've never had a thought like that

i tell them 'stick it in your ear

they tell me, mate, that's just the point

i tell them to go on

i'm a paint store for the colour blind

i'm not a *** salon

for days the calls keep coming

i don't know what to say

i just run a small paint shop

known as fifty shades of grey