He grabbed me by the hair
And beat me up.
I said, daddy stop it
Please not here.
Daddy, I don't know who you are
Daddy, you're not my daddy
Any more
Daddy, go away.

He punched me several places,
Several times
Until I bled.
Until I hated him enough
To spit on his face.
Until I loved him enough
To believe I deserved it.

He screamed I was a *****.
He screamed it so many times
It got to my head
And changed the way
I saw myself.

I said, daddy not here,
Not today.
But he beat me up
Harder.


F.Z.**N

God took the rain
And he tossed it in my eyes
And said, save this.
Save this for a bad day.
Save this for the bad day.
And when he leaves you
Cry it all away,
Use it all up,
And the sun will shine again.


F.Z.**N

If he can break me,
He can break you.


F.Z.**N

It wasn't the heartbreak, no.
It wasn't the anxiety or lack of motivation.
It wasn't the drugs that killed him.

I think that he simply got tired
Of all those lined up houses
In his neighbourhood.


F.Z.**N

The cutter will cut in a cutters world,
the hurt won't stop in a life unfurled,
the blood will drip like drops of rain
eaten alive by sorrow and pain
you will feast on smiles and greed
but Ill just cut and watch it bleed

I've slipped back into my abyss;
Everywhere I look, I see darkness.

Looking out at the world
I find it hard to see the beauty and color as I used to.

My abyss has dragged me back into its depths
Hooking its claws into me; not wanting to let go.

The cost of crawling back into the light
Will be higher than it was before.

I've slipped back into my abyss
Everywhere I look, I see darkness.

The old lady planted roses near the corner by the driveway
She never planted roses by the door
I remember once she told me, "Bees come out to get the nectar"
And a bee sting can be deadly or quite sore
Instead, she planted herbs along the walkway to her cottage
You'd pass by, the scent was rather nice
Rubbing rosemary and lemon grass and sage against your trousers
Sometimes you would even walk by twice

She had hollyhocks and primrose, a classic English garden
Lots of fragrant trees and bushes there as well
There were cedars by the windows and hyacinth close by
If she even had a lawn, you couldn't tell
There were irises and tulips, daffodils and more
And great bushes of white lavender abound
Not only was the lawn gone, with the bushes and the trees
I bet from inside you'd nary hear a sound

Around the back the same thing, exactly as the front
Herbs and plant life, and I'd say maybe more
Than all the plants in Englands  Kew Gardens have to see
And more lilacs by the walkway by the door
The vents from down the basement blew through cedars and the lilacs
Sending warming scents around the clustered yard
There were windows to the basement, blocked by flowers and the trees
And to see in was really rather hard

The one day I remember when I came out to the house
Is one I know I'll not forget
For walking down the pathway with a policeman on each side
Was the old lady with a look of deep regret
It seems the scented flowers and the bushes and the trees
Provided scents to hide the smells from deep inside
The air was vented out directly through the flowers
The house was just a grow op in disguise

I've had enough of winter
I've had enough of snow
I handle freezing weather
Just like an eskimo

My snowblower is finished
It's blown more than it should
It's blown more snow this winter
Than the whole **** neighborhood

Spring....when the hell you coming?
When will you be here?
I'll close my eyes and I might miss you
That is my biggest fear

Last summer we set records
With the **** oppressive heat
We did the same with snow this winter
We had nearly 7 feet!!

I saw some grass last Tuesday
But, by Wednesday it was lost
Buried by a fresh snow dumping
Preceeded by a sudden frost

The sidewalk plow has torn up
Ninety square feet of my lawn
I won't find all of the damage
Until all the snow is gone

I promise that next summer
I will not once complain
Because I'd rather have the heat way up
Than shovel snow...or pump out rain

Spring...when are you coming?
When will you be here?
I'll sleep with one eye open
So, I'll be up when you appear!!!

If you're a celebrity
For medications come to me
I have them all, come see, come see
I'm the devil in disguise

I sign prescriptions by the score
If you run out, I'll give you more
I'll bring your pills right to your door
I'm the devil in disguise

Dr. Robert, Feelgood too
Names I'm sure are known to you
If you're in need call you know who
I'm the devil in disguise

Uppers, Downers, oxy's....well
Imagine what is down in hell
I'll keep your secret, I won't tell
I'm the devil in disguise

Elvis called, and MJ too
They both liked pills in shades of blue
No one else does what I do
I'm the devil in disguise

It's up to you, which choice you make
I fulfill, and you....you take
I'm here all night, don't need a break
I'm the devil in disguise

If you're in need, well...I'll be there
You pay for service, and I care
I've got lots, and lots to share
I'm the devil in disguise

If you're mute, and lost your voice
You know I'm your only choice
I'll be right round in my Rolls Royce
I'm the devil in disguise

You'll end up dead, but I'll keep kicking
With pills and needles, stars keep sticking
I'm the doctor all the stars are picking
I'm the devil in disguise

I am the devil, that is true
I am around, that's not new
I'm known to them, but not to you
I'm their doctor...till they die.

Okay maybe you found yourself
Some other girl,
You don't need me any more.


F.Z.**N