I'll toll the bells in your return-
you've come back empty handed,
without any stories
to tell me.

I'll lie awake tonight again,
and you'll have nothing to tell me.
No happily-ever-after, no stories of heroes and queens.

I'll wait and want to be tangled in narration,
and dialogue and maybe finally
slumber might find me
and take me in.

And you'll tell me that you're sorry,
that you owe me histories and narratives,
that my eyes won't rest
and it's all you're fault.

But oh my dear,
all I wanted was for you to know
your homecoming
was my most favourite story
yet.

blue insomnia have woken up in my words
seeds of wind, the lament of unknown men, women
the impossible alphabet of terror
daily I pass by the same cemetery
the willow-trees have new leaves now
the words can' swerve while
their faces dissolve slowly deeper and deeper into death
and I’m holding mine into hands smeared with tears

he  loved me like
they loved their neck rope

we see through the night
what we can
empty jars
purple lies
hardly the collection of killings
that makes
the morning sing

death has no words

those days - each a capsule
a miniature of an idea
or an emptied truth
your soft lips postponed
bitter fingers knock
on unheard doors
my blood unfolds myself
with wonder

I can't drag the shadow of
the afternoon light back
into its nest
into the bud of silence -
back to its muse

my dreams have caught
*time fever

unseen , only realized by those with vision,
who saw the tree grow tall, like the others
in the tribe, noticed , when it fell down, exposed
what was hidden, yes , from water soil,
from the earth , from our eyes
are things hidden, the roots
to everything often
are right under our limbs
our hard outsides, our beauty
our reaching for heaven,
our eyes but missing one part
of the picture of the mountain
or tree, or buffalo,
wolf ****
or
origin.

for we all fall into love, sin , life
into abominations which our fathers
might scold,  

we may fall into darknesses ,
where the only light
is so dim only one star

light might find us, there
so few of us escape, the blind
rage , the animal instinct

among the others caged the same,
we might mistake sameness
for right for reality, and

for the few , who manage to climb
out with skin wedged under
our nails think ,

there is one of a million,
that one who saw the light
of the one star

it's brilliance as not sanctifying
brutality , who , then
saw more than one star

but heaven, saw man's potential
truly, his sins as nature,
and his future

of the world growing
more godlike, more
forgiving

betrayed the rest,
to climb out using them as
ladders,

for our sake, for our
future, nurturing
like a mother and her baby

peace , sanctity
in man, in nature together,
in abandoning

the past, for
what grace does the past
remember?

Falling leaves hurry to gather
at one worn headstone after another
like a funeral party uncertain where
lies the lost loved one it grieves;;

Time and wind tug on the memory
left in this absent minded cemetery
no one comes visit but weather and me
and the dead lying under the trees

have stories nobody can read.

I wanted to fit in
To be a normal girl
To be the best
To be the greatest
To be a star

I lived for years like that
Wanting to be something
Thinking I was lame
Thinking I was
Abnormal

Then something changed
I had a life changer
That experience showed me
Something that I never could have learned
On my own
From anyone's teachings
I learned

It's great to be different
Everyone's abnormal
Stop trying to fit in
Start trying to be
Outside the box

Just stop being the same
You are unique
You are magical
Wonderful
You are

Now I realize that
I realize that
And now I'm being
Myself

Abnormal
Being abnormal
Is the greatest thing
You could be

In this desert
I touch the ocean within,
here where I abandon all plans,
I spend hours watching cloud formations
of flowers blooming violet, red.
I travel to the sanctuary of the soul
each morning, sit silent
at the altar of dawn.