I can feel myself slipping
From this world
And slowly sinking
Into the depths of darkness –
Watching those familiar faces
Fade from my grasp
Instead becoming consumed
By confusion,
Fear
And muteness.
The iron bars of my cage.
Plunging into my thoughts,
A never ending sea of blackness.
Slowly suffocating
As the barriers fortify
Around my mind.
A cry, a scream for help
As I pound at the strengthening barriers:
Someone help me!
Let me out of here!
Before taciturnity robs me
Of my speech.
Routines and repetitions,
And my own world engulfs me.
Muteness and trembling.
Please, Taci, speak!
Your voice, the panic, the worry
As you grasp my shoulders
And shake me
With an unknown fear
As if to break me from this state.
Why can’t you speak?
My own eyes wide
As I stare at you,
Dumbfounded and fearful.
Sinking deeper into the depths
Of my mind:
Slipping further and further
Into routines and obsessions.
Voices are faded, from another world,
Alien and vague
Spoken in another language.
Incomprehensible and of no meaning,
No use to me!
You watch me on the other side
Of the invisible barrier;
Your hand blocked from my reach.
No matter how hard,
How much you want to help
And try,
Nothing can be done
To stop me from
Slipping through your fingers.
I gaze from afar
Through the tiny window of my mind.
Watching you all laugh, smile and cry.
What do your emotions mean?
What are they for?
What do your face expressions mean?
I am not built for this world:
Too fragile and brittle.
One hit and I'll smash
Into a million billion shards.
My obsessions
Perceived as ecccentric.
My way of speaking -
The shakiness in my voice
And the muteness
Deemed abnormal.
I am an alien becoming more alien.
My language and my mind
Both unsolved paradoxes.