Humorous - Hello Poetry

Dec 2015

Ja

What I want
For Christmas is
Just the barest
Of necessities

All my teeth
Not just two
So when I eat
I can chew

A skip and jump
Back in my step
So each morning
I have some pep

A pair of glasses
Which self defrost
A set of keys
Which don’t get lost

All my hair
Put back in place
So I don’t have
That barren space

A pair of shoes
With self tie laces
So I don’t have to
Reach those places

A set of arteries
That don’t plug
A nice cold beer
Which I can chug

To have someone
My brain equip
With that new fangled
Memory chip

So it can tell me
My intent
When I stood up
And why I went

A bunch of prunes
Which are pre dated
To work just when
I’m constipated

A gizmo that will
So to speak
Turn off my wee wee’s
Little leak

So I don’t have
I’ll just be blunt
Those little dribbles
In the front

A cork that fits
My *** hole, please
So hemorrhoids don’t pop out
Whenever I sneeze

A longer arm
That would pass
Behind my back
To wipe my ***

On this I’ll end
My little list
I don’t want Santa
To get ******
BOEMS BY JA 103

Dec 2015

lluvia de abril

The right day, the wrong I

I woke up early
and took the wrong purse

I wore the wrong shoes
my skirt did not match

I grabbed the wrong book
its pages glued shut

I missed the last stop
then ran, didn't walk
but made a wrong turn
at the end of the block

the sign was deep red
I pretended to stall
and traced my steps back

the rain came down violently
I began to cry
in a quaint little shop
always checking the time

He came in and sat
we drank coffee and talked
I laughed my eyes dry

When he asked for my name
I thought of my mom
and kindly declined
just then he was gone

Everybody wonders
why I never walk and
my skirt doesn't match

Something to make you laugh:)

Dec 2015

Francie Lynch

El Nino El Nino El Nino

El Nino El Nino El Nino
(Sung to "Let It Snow...")

Oh the weather outside's delightful,
Not a flake of snow, it's respiteful;
And what's to credit for this show,
El Nino El Nino El Nino

The southerlies aren't abating,
The greens they're still awaiting;
I'm happy not to have a chateau,
El Nino El Nino El Nino

When I'm out gawking at the night,
I don't see the clouds of snow;
There's the flicker of firefly lights,
Dancing over green meadows.

The days are slowly growing,
Warm winds caress as they're blowing;
It's fifteen above zero,
Thanks El Nino El Nino El Nino

Bit of fun. We're having an extended autumn in Sarnia, Ontario. Sunshine and warm temps.

#winter #elnino

Dec 2015

Emily Dickinson

The Bobolink is gone—

1591

The Bobolink is gone—
The Rowdy of the Meadow—
And no one swaggers now but me—
The Presbyterian Birds
Can now resume the Meeting
He boldly interrupted that overflowing Day
When supplicating mercy
In a portentous way
He swung upon the Decalogue
And shouted let us pray—

Dec 2015

Mrs Ashley Somebody

Passive Avoidance

He's always with my friends,
And I'm always with them,
And I kind of see him every single day.
The funny thing is this,
That I have a secret wish
To see how long—if—he can stay away.

One Sunday he slept late
And boy, I felt great
Knowing he'd miss church with us together
But smiling with chagrin
I saw him back again
When everyone meet up to eat our dinner.

I mentioned it that night
Before he I left his sight,
And he suggested—with us laughing together—
That someday, both of us
Should, without a fuss,
For fun, passively avoid each other.

Today has not been long
But so far I've been strong
And haven't sought him out, or told him so
But I know that tonight
We'll meet again, alright
And once again the count shall be zero.

Lol this guy. He gets on my nerves but he's too fun to hate.
Edit: April 19, 2016 - I didn't see him all day long.

#funny #rhyming #college #passive #jab #avoiding

Dec 2015

Francie Lynch

December in Ontario

It's December in Ontario,
And an early morning fog
Has cancelled school buses,
Again.
In a few more years,
We'll worry about frost
In our orange groves,
As Florida digs out
Of another blizzard.

#climatechange

Dec 2015

ryn

Surrender

.
O
•• i really don't see the need to
•• dictate•the way the dishes are
•• sorted in order in the sink •i
•• don't see the point in being
   •• irate• if the door creaks when you try to think•
    •• i can't tell apart between emotions you feel•sad-
   •• ness and disappointment, they look the same to
   •• me•i do not care  if it's mauve or teal•for good-
    •• ness sake, the  cushions...,  they look fine to me!!
    •• •well, i now wave my white flag and surrender
     ••                             • because all these  differences...
     ••                           don't matter at all•just know that
     ••                          i have sworn to love you forever•
••
••
••
••
••
                                        *even if you drive me insane
                                        and up the wall•

Concrete Poem 19 of 30

Tap on the hashtag "30daysofconcrete" below to view more offerings in the series. :)
.

#iloveyou #humour #surrender #concretepoetry #hellopoetry107 #whiteflag #30daysofconcrete

Nov 2015

Bill murray

Take a bite of my pie ! Happy thanksturkey day

Take a bite of my pie
Gramps will take a
Bite of your
Eye, take a bite of
My apple, my farmhand
Will rip kick tackle.
Take a bite of my
Bird, you will end
Up with my hound
Dogs turds

Nov 2015

Sedoo Ashivor

Snake (limerick)

The slithering snake slid onto my windowsill
One of us looked mad enough to ****
I got a sturdy stick
Hit it hard, like a brick
Snake ended up that evening on my hot grill.

Nov 2015

Michael Murphy

My Holiday Prayer!

Pass the potatoes, the stuffing and sauce
If you don't do it soon I'll reach right across

You've been cooking for days and I still haven't eaten
I tried that one time but you gave me a beaten

Wooden spoons hurt, by the way, you should know
There's a black and blue mark that shows every blow

Carve up the turkey while drinking the wine
Wait there's two turkeys, I've been drinking since 9

There are rolls in the oven, I think I smell smoke
Now there's a fire, I'm starting to choke

Open the windows, open the doors
Turn on the fans and out the smoke pours

You'll tell this story every year, I would bet
Somehow when I'm stupid, you never forget

But I guess its OK, it makes everyone chuckle
Like when Grandpa is full and he loosens his buckle

Let's not forget why we're having this meal
All the love in the room, and how happy we feel

So much love in this room with plenty to share
May it reach out and spread, to all, everywhere

Amen!

I hope some of you can relate to this and it makes you smile!

#love #light #laughter

Nov 2015

Sedoo Ashivor

Dead Parrot?

I had a red parrot with a long beak
It was a smart bird I aptly named Nick
One day, it caught a cold and fell sick
It refused to give a speech all week
Even its favourite words, it wouldn't speak
Dear parrot's future seemed very bleak

Off for a solution I went to seek
Out of many I made my pick
For the services of a vet called Vic
She was beautiful and brilliant, very chic
Just as I heard, her talents were slick
Her office was neat, her armpits didn't reek

During treatment, my Nick was quite meek
I excused myself to quickly take a leak
Suddenly, from the restroom I heard a kick
I hurried across the hallway to take a sharp peek
And what I saw made my shocked jaws tick
My skinned bird was hanging on a stick
Over a flaming fire laid on a burnt brick

What had I done to deserve such a trick?
Why would Vet Vic perform this flick?
I peered at her carefully but it didn't click
So I wrote this poem and put on lipstick.

REALLY:
Nick is healthy again, it was only a gimmick
I am so happy now, I always wear lipstick ☺

#funny #story #silly

Nov 2015

b for short

superhero policy

Not my policy
to consider saving those
who stand on my cape.

#haiku #****** #cape #superman