My poetry is ****
I apologize to you

Hello Poetry's
existential dilemma;
should I Like myself?

I only want a woman
To cook and to clean
No other obligations
Do I really need

No hassles, no hurdles
For me to jump through
No one to tell me
What to not and to do

One that doesn't mind me
Doing nothing all day
Or spouting off mindless talk
With nothing really to say

A woman that does what I need
And then goes away
To do it all over again
On the very next day

Guess what I'm saying I need
Is a woman of some kind
That is all three of these
Deaf, dumb, and blind

Back to the Speedway,
The gas is $1.91
The food is cheap

Where my daddy
Buys cigars to chew on

The cashier
Is so high
He forgets what day it is

And wishes us a 'Merry Christmas'
On July 31st.

Drinking my turmeric tea
makes my mouth taste like vegan chicken soup
I spilled it on myself
so I’m committed for looking suddenly jaundice
Oh, ain’t that what they always what they do?
Mark the healthiest ones
as fatal or insane

Back in the day they called it " gripping the duds"
Nowadays the little bits are nipped in the bud,
Protect your jewels their hanging doubloons,
They can squeeze like grapes, or get popped
Like balloons. Don't get a woman mad she will
Grip em for you. Protect your jewels, no ailment
With soothe. If you loose your dudsy buddies
You'll lose mankind to. But if you loose your
Peanuts, you always have left the hanging *******. Just
Don't let him out in public.,HEY ******! Put away that
******.

I have been mayor here for many years
Do they call me Pedro the Mayor?
They do not
I have built half this village with my bare hands
Do they call me Pedro the Builder?
They do not
I am a lay preacher in their church on Sundays
Do they call me Pedro the Preacher?
They do not
You **** one sheep..........

                                    By Phil Roberts

Mon  Oneday I'll be top dog
Have the sofa to myself

Tues  Chewsday all the bones belong to me
And to no one else

Wed  Walksday let's go on patrol
Throw some weight around

Thurs  Throwup day, you can clear it up
I'll sit here and frown

Fri  Dieday for the bunnies,
If I'm fast enough

Sat  Catsday, chase them up a tree
Watch them huff and puff

Sun  Funday, all of the above
For the pampered pooch
Who knows he's very loved