Up on the cliff face,
Mountain goat's acrobatics.
Wind's hands undermine!

Johnny hates the open air
He doesn't like the rain
Johnny's in his bedroom
On the ‘net again

They tried him with a lego set
That went in the bin
Johnny's collecting passwords
Credit cards and pins

For a lad of only twelve
He's doing rather well
He hacked into the Pentagon
And crashed the shares in Shell

The FBI got on his trail
For causing such a fuss
They wondered should we send the boy to jail
Or make him work for us

I wish I were not so cool
When I go to the desert
it turns into icy tundra in seconds
Less cool people stare at me with envy
I can put out fires with a quick glance
If I died, the universe will turn into
A hot desert.

I woke up this morning
Before the rooster started crowing
Without even knowing
What the day held out for me

Turning on the lamplight
Wiping sleep from my eyes
Waving my bed goodbye
As the floor reached for my feet

Two or three cups of coffee
I'm thinking aught to do me
Right about now justly
As I ready myself to leave

With the keys in my left hand
The right attitude of yes I can
Take this world on like a man
Just you wait and see

I bring with me my "A" game
It's a lot like "B" but less lame
Otherwise they'd both be the same
Which doesn't make sense to me

I stumble out to my car
As I no longer walk that far
Used to but not anymore
The age of modern day conveniency

Into traffic I merge
Under other drivers select verbs
Most of them 4 letter words
That cause my ears to bleed

Make it to the job on time
Earlier than expected I find
Somewhere along the way lost my mind
As it is Saturday

It’s with heavy heart I pen this verse
Watching your father pass in the hearse
Takes me back to that night in the shed
When you said, this is like fireworks
It was,  I dropped the cigarette on the petrol can
Still, as I remarked not many sheds get a technicolour funeral
He was beyond reason
Not helped when rumours of ***** magazines started circulating
He told me straight, marry my daughter and I’ll **** myself
So we married in haste
But he didn’t keep his promise
What a waste
Still, when that great oak fell on top of his new shed
I had a grin from ear to ear
It was like the chainsaw massacre, but more fun
It was about that time you found god
I found your sister
You forgave me, I was weak
She was pregnant, sixteen weeks
Your dad went mad, he said I was the devil incarnate
Then he dropped dead
They looked at me in horror, in dread
Like it was something I said
Do something they cried
I didn’t know any songs, so I punched him between the eyes
He was definitely dead
I carried the coffin
The least  I could do
I shed a tear, maybe two
We decided to scatter his ashes over his pride and joy
But they couldn’t be found
The crematorium were in shock, people were running around
It was like he just disappeared
I was agog
Couldn’t see the mist for the smog
Later that day, just to console
I produced a big rocket
Really his soul
I set it off, and said goodbye
They had a little cry
It climbed high in the sky
They gave a sigh
Should it not explode
Well it is supposed to go with a bang
Just then it made its descent
It was like he was heaven sent
Plummeting to earth
Mad as hell
We all dived for cover
Just as well
She screamed, oh god, oh boy
No need to tell you where he landed
Okay then
His comfort and joy.

The priest came on at Paddington
Sat across from me
I nodded in a nonchalant way
He gazed inside of me
So strange
Like he knew
Where I was going to
Mrs Black, just ***
Well that’s not really true
There was her friend
But that was because Mrs Black had the flu
You can understand the sacrifice I made
I know you can relate
Don't look at me like that
I was getting round to Pat and Jill
But you should know
They said they were on the pill
I know I don't see the kids
You can understand
Being a man of the cloth
The busy lives we lead
Time just gets away
I suppose in a way we’re both the same
Tending to our flocks
Putting the world to rights
Me and you
We are the few
He got up to leave
I feel his hand on my sleeve
Enough said
He punches me on the head
I’m in total confusion
He makes the sign
Go with god my son
I've administered your absolution.

I want that easy, slow-dancing-in-the-kitchen kind of love—
something so free and so simply performed,
sunsets envy how naturally it settles in for the night.